TABLE DRAFT SCRIPT:
"BREAKING UP IS EASY TO DO" (Part 1)
January 14, 1997
AL BUNDY............ED O'NEILL
PEGGY BUNDY.........KATEY SAGAL
MARCY D'ARCY........AMANDA BEARSE
KELLY BUNDY.........CHRISTINA APPLEGATE
BUD BUNDY...........DAVID FAUSTINO
JEFFERSON D'ARCY....TED McGINLEY
LUCKY, THE DOG......LUCKY, THE DOG
DR. H. LONGO........
INT. BUNDY LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN - EARLY EVENING
(PEGGY IS DRESSED UP AND IS PUTTING THE FINISHING TOUCHES ON A PLATTER OF CHEESE WHIZ AND
TWINKEES. AL ENTERS FROM UPSTAIRS)
AL Why are we doing this, Peg? The last time we had people over, it was a disaster.
PEGGY That was our wedding.
AL I rest my case. (BEAT) Give me one good reason why I should go through with this.
PEGGY I won't make you have sex for the rest of the month.
(THE DOORBELL RINGS)
SFX: DOORBELL RING
(AL CROSSES TO THE DOOR)
AL Just my luck. A month without sex and it's February. I'm tacking on two extra days, Peg.
(AL OPENS THE DOOR REVEALING MARCY AND JEFFERSON. MARCY HAS A BOWL AND A BOARD GAME)
MARCY Hi! I brought shrimpballs!
AL (OFF JEFFERSON) I can see that, but what's in the casserole?
JEFF I always feel so welcome when I come into this house.
AL That's funny. I don't.
(MARCY CROSSES TO THE KITCHEN)
PEGGY Ooh, shrimpballs. They'll go beautifully with the ketchup I'm serving.
(SHE SQUIRTS ANOTHER PACKETS OF KETCHUP INTO A BOWL)
MARCY Ooh, someone's been watching Martha Stewart.
(THE DOORBELL RINGS)
SFX: DOORBELL RING
(AL OPENS THE DOOR, REVEALING GRIFF AND HIS DATE, NANCY)
GRIFF Hi, guys.
AL Hey, Griff. Where's Thelma?
GRIFF Oh, she dumped me. But I met Nancy at the ninety-nine cents store.
(NANCY, AN ATTRACTIVE WOMAN WEARING A UNIFORM THAT SAYS "99 CENTS" ON IT, WALKS IN)
GRIFF I was picking up a hostess gift for your party.
(GRIFF HANDS HIS PURCHASE TO AL)
AL Lysol. How thoughtful.
JEFF I see you've partied here before.
AL Nice to meet you, Nancy. So, you're a checker?
NANCY (CROSSING HER FINGERS) Not yet.
(SHE CROSSES INTO THE KITCHEN TO HELP THE WOMEN)
JEFF Not bad, Griff. Way to get right back on the horse.
AL And he would know.
(THE GUYS LAUGH. MARCY, PEGGY AND NANCY COME OVER FROM THE KITCHEN)
MARCY Okay, who's up for some Passion?
AL If she takes her clothes off, I'm outta here.
MARCY It's a party game, you idiot.
(MARCY BEGINS SETTING UP THE GAME)
PEGGY It test how much you know about the person you love most.
AL Sounds fun. Come on, Griff, we're a team.
(ON PEGGY'S EXPRESSION WE)
END OF COLD OPEN
INT. JIM'S GYM - THAT NIGHT
(KELLY IS ON A STAIRMASTER, EXHAUSTED. BUD STANDS NEXT TO HER, HOLDING A SCRIPT AND EATING A
KELLY Bud, I've been climbing these stairs for an hour, and I'm not getting any higher. I want
to come down.
BUD All right, but it'll take you another hour.
KELLY Will not. It's quicker downhill.
(SHE TURNS AROUND, FACES THE OTHER DIRECTION, AND CONTINUES WALKING ON THE MACHINE)
BUD Look, Kelly, this chick-boxing movie could be your big break. You gotta get in shape. Now
let's run some lines.
(BUD FINISHES THE HOAGIE AND OPENS UP THE SCRIPT, READING)
BUD "You're crazy, kid. No one can beat Big Mama O'Grady."
KELLY "Yo, Nicky, I know I can take her. That mother of two is going down."
BUD "She'll murder you. She's a jungle tigress, and you're just a pussycat."
ANGLE ON: A FEW STAIRMASTERS DOWN
(HEATHER TALRICO, A PRETTY YOUNG ACTRESS CUT FROM THE SAME CLOTH AS KELLY, IS RUNNING THE SAME
KELLY "Well, let me tell you something about this cat."
HEATHER "Well, let me tell you something about this cat."
(KELLY AND HEATHER STOP AND LOOK AT EACH OTHER)
KELLY "She has claws!"
HEATHER "She has claws!"
ANGLE ON: KELLY AND BUD
KELLY (TO BUD) Wow. Two movies about female boxing and all the words are the same. That's
BUD No, what's incredible is that you remember to breathe.
(KELLY CHECKS HER BREATHING AND TAKES A FEW DEEP BREATHS)
BUD Kelly, she's probably up for the same role.
(KELLY SEES THAT HEATHER IS WALKING OVER)
KELLY I should've known. That bitch Heather Talrico is always stealing my parts.
BUD She could have mine for free.
KELLY You don't think she's pretty, do you?
BUD Just in an "I'd kill to have sex with her" kind of way.
(HEATHER WALKS UP TO THEM)
HEATHER Well, well, if it isn't the little bimbo that couldn't.
KELLY Well, if it isn't the human thighmaster.
HEATHER You know what, Bundy? I'd love to shut that black hole you call a mouth.
KELLY With what? That planet you call an ass?
BUD Ladies, enough fighting. (TO KELLY) You have to practice your boxing.
KELLY I'd like to practice on her face.
HEATHER Oh, you want a piece of me?
KELLY There's an exclusive club.
BUD One I'd like to join.
KELLY Let's settle this once and for all, skank.
HEATHER Okay, but I'm not falling for the old "meet me in the alley for a surprise" trick.
KELLY There's a first. I'm talking about you and me duking it out in the big square.
BUD You mean the ring.
KELLY No. Rings are what Heather has under her eyes.
HEATHER You're on, frat house toy.
KELLY Loser drops out of the movie.
HEATHER Deal. Be here Sunday. Four sharp.
KELLY Oooh, can't. That's when I get my manicure from Mateo.
HEATHER Don't you just love him?
(THE GIRLS AD-LIB EXCITEMENT. BUD STEPS IN)
BUD Break it up, ladies. Save it for Sunday.
HEATHER You're going to wind up flat on your back counting stars.
KELLY Oh, like your last trip to Hollywood.
INT. BUNDY LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN - A LITTLE LATER THAT NIGHT
(AL, PEGGY, MARCY, JEFFERSON, GRIFF, AND NANCY HAVE BEEN PLAYING FOR A WHILE. WE SEE THAT MARCY
AND JEFFERSON ARE IN THE LEAD. GRIFF AND NANCY ARE SECOND, AND AL AND PEGGY HAVEN'T MOVED)
JEFF ...Marcy's favorite song is "You Light Up My Life".
(MARCY HOLDS UP A CARD THAT READS "YOU LIGHT UP MY LIFE")
MARCY You light up my life, Jefferson.
(THEY CUDDLE. MARCY MOVES HER GAME PIECE TWO SPACES)
JEFF Look, lovebug, we're about to move from first kiss to eternal bliss.
(THEY MAKE KISS NOISES AT EACH OTHER)
AL And I'm about to go from up to chuck.
PEGGY Al, we're getting our butts kicked. We're still on "First Date Drive".
AL Oh, and I suppose it's my fault your favorite color isn't gray?
JEFF Griff, what is Nancy's idea of a perfect romantic evening?
GRIFF Of course we just met, so I'm guessing here. But I'll say a pepperoni pizza, a footrub,
and a pile of Kung Fu movies.
(NANCY HOLDS UP A CARD SAYING EXACTLY THAT)
NANCY (LOVEY-DOVEY) It's like we're joined together as one.
GRIFF Hold that thought.
(NANCY HUGS GRIFF AS HE MOVES THEIR GAME PIECE UP A FEW SPACES)
MARCY Al, what is Peggy's favorite movie?
AL "The Great Escape"?
PEGGY That's your favorite movie.
AL Gee, I wonder why?
(PEGGY SHOWS HIM HER CARD WHICH READS "VIVA LAS VEGAS." SHE THEN HITS HIM WITH IT)
GRIFF Jefferson, what was Marcy's childhood dream?
JEFF My princess wanted to be a princess.
(MARCY'S CARD READS, "PRINCESS MARCY." SHE MOVES HER PIECE UP AND KISSES JEFFERSON)
GRIFF I bet Nancy's dream was to be Mrs. Jimmy "J. J." Walker.
(SHE HOLDS UP HER CARD. SHE AND GRIFF KISS)
PEGGY Come on, Al, use that beer sponge you call a brain.
AL Well, since "sucking the life out of my husband and leaving him an empty husk" was too
long to fit on the card, I'll say a cowgirl.
PEGGY (ANNOYED) Try again.
AL A cow?
PEGGY How many times have I told you? When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a ballerina.
AL A ballerina? The only time you're on your toes is when the bon-bons are on the top shelf.
JEFF Oooh, Al. Laughing at your soul mate's childhood dream. Go back two spaces.
(HE TAKES AL'S PIECE AND MOVES IT BACK TWO SPACES, OFF THE BOARD, AND ONTO THE TABLE)
PEGGY Nice going, Al. Now we're not even on the board.
GRIFF Okay, Al, here's an easy one for ya. When is Peg's birthday?
AL (SWEATING) Okay. I know it's one of the cold months...
NANCY (TO GRIFF) How long have they been married?
AL (PANICKING) One question at a time. (OFF PEGGY'S GLARE) Can I have a hint?
PEGGY Get it, or you'll wish you were never born.
AL Good hint. Okay, I know this. It's Jaaann...
(HE CHECKS PEGGY FOR A RESPONSE AND DOESN'T GET ONE)
AL Feebb..., Maarrr-cey, would you like another drink?
MARCY No, thanks. I'd rather stay here and watch you sweat.
AL Okay, I'm going to say... (HOPING HARD) April twelfth.
PEGGY (ANGRY) May twelfth.
AL (PLEASED) Hey, for a shot in the dark, that was pretty damn close.
PEGGY I can't believe you! You don't know my favorite color, my birthday... you didn't even
remember what I was wearing when we first met. Even Griff knew what Nancy was wearing.
AL Of course he knew, Peg. She's still wearing it.
PEGGY How is it you know the ninth play of your state championship game...
AL (REFLEXIVELY) Off-tackle run up the middle on two.
PEGGY And yet you haven't known one thing about me all night?
AL I knew your name was Peg.
PEGGY That wasn't a question. You were filling out a scorecard.
AL This is a stupid game.
PEGGY No. What's stupid is that I've spent twenty-five years of my life with a man who
obviously doesn't care about me.
AL Peg, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it to be obvious.
(PEGGY SHOVES THE GAME OFF THE TABLE AND STORMS OFF. THERE'S AN AWKWARD SILENCE)
JEFF So we won right?
(MARCY PINCHES HIM)
(EVERYONE STARTS TO LEAVE)
AL Come on, guys. Peg's not really mad. Right, Peg?
(A SHOE HURTLES THROUGH THE AIR, EMBEDDING ITSELF IN AL'S FOREHEAD)
SFX: A SHOE HURTLES THROUGH THE AIR AND EMBEDS ITSELF IN AL'S HEAD
AL See? This is why we don't entertain.
INT. BUNDY LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN - EARLY MORNING
(BUD IS STANDING BY THE FRONT DOOR, WEARING A COACH'S OUTFIT WITH A WHISTLE AROUND HIS NECK.
KELLY ENTERS, WEARING A SEXY OUTFIT. SHE DOESN'T SEE BUD AND STARTS TO TIP-TOE UP THE STAIRS. HE
BLOWS THE WHISTLE, STARTLING HER)
BUD Where have you been? It's five a.m.
KELLY I was running.
BUD From who, the Governor's wife? Kelly, I told you, you can't have sex before a fight.
KELLY Oh, sorry. I thought you said during.
BUD Kelly, this is an important role for you. If you want to beat Heather, you've got to
KELLY Relax. I can take her with both hands tied behind my back. Just like I took the Governor.
(WE HEAR "EYE OF THE TIGER" AS WE CUT TO A SERIES OF FLIPS)
MUSIC CUE: "EYE OF THE TIGER"
(BUD AND KELLY IN THE KITCHEN. BUD HANDS HER EGGS. SHE PUTS THE UNCRACKED EGGS IN A GLASS AND
ATTEMPTS TO DRINK THEM. BUD SHAKES HIS HEAD)
(TIGHT ON KELLY DOING SIT-UPS. REVEAL BUD HOLDING A PICTURE OF A HANDSOME STUD. KELLY SPRINGS UP
TO KISS IT)
(KELLY HITTING BUD'S BLOW-UP DOLL LIKE A HEAVY BAG. HEATHER'S PICTURE IS TAPED TO THE DOLL'S
(CLOSE ON KELLY SKIPPING ROPE IN A REVEALING OUTFIT. WIDEN TO REVEAL THE ROPE IS TIED TO THE
DOORKNOB AND BUD IS HOLDING THE OTHER END. THERE'S A BUNCH OF TEN-YEAR-OLD BOY EXTRAS IN A LINE.
BUD HANDS THE ROPE TO A BOY WHO GIVES HIM A QUARTER)
(BUD AND KELLY SPARRING. THE MUSIC ENDS)
MUSIC CUE: "EYE OF THE TIGER" OUT
BUD Come on, Bundy. That's all you got? You hit like one of my dates.
(AL ENTERS HOLDING A BIG BOX WITH A RIBBON ON IT)
AL Kids, no fighting in the house. That's your mother's and my job.
KELLY Bud's helping me train for a fight.
AL Pumpkin, you shouldn't box. It can cause brain damage.
(AL AND BUD LOOK AT EACH OTHER)
AL (REALIZING) Oh, right. Let me show you the famous Bundy Combo.
BUD Moldy salami on two stale pop tarts?
AL No, that's the Bundy Special. The Bundy Combo is when you step on your opponent's foot,
then nail him with an uppercut.
KELLY You mean like this?
(KELLY STEPS ON BUD'S FOOT AND KNOCKS HIM DOWN)
AL Good, but put your weight in it. Get up, Bud. Stop fooling around.
(AL PICKS BUD UP OFF THE FLOOR AND HOLDS HIM UP FOR KELLY)
KELLY I think I got it.
(KELLY DOES THE "BUNDY COMBO" AGAIN AND KNOCKS BUD COLD)
AL (PROUD) That's my pumpkin.
KELLY Thanks, Daddy. That was fun.
AL Just a little something I picked up from the Three Stooges. They have so much to teach
KELLY What's in the box?
AL A present for your mother. We had a fight last night.
KELLY So what? You guys fight all the time.
AL Not like this. You know how when you pass our bedroom and hear sobbing? Well, last night
it wasn't me.
KELLY I wish I could help, Daddy. But I only know how to break up marriages.
(KELLY DRAGS AN UNCONSCIOUS BUD TO THE BASEMENT AND SHOVES HIM DOWN. KELLY FOLLOWS HIM DOWN)
SFX: BUD BEING PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS
(PEGGY COMES DOWN THE STAIRS. SHE SEES AL, THEN STARTS BACK UP
AL Pookie. Wait. I got you something.
(SHE STOPS AND SOFTENS. HE HANDS HER THE BOX)
AL I hope you like it. The saleslady said it's reversible.
(PEGGY TAKES OUT A LEOPARD PRINT DRESS THAT'S REALLY BIG)
AL (PROUDLY) Not a speck of gray. And see how well it goes with the couch?
PEGGY (OMINOUS) You think this would fit me?
AL Yes. No. Maybe. Whatever the right answer is. Come on, Peg. No real guy knows stuff like
PEGGY Jefferson knows Marcy's dress size.
AL That's 'cause he wears them!
PEGGY You're a horrible husband.
AL That never bothered you before. I don't know what more I can do. I've apologized. I've
shopped. Wanna make love? We could put on Michael Bolton...and the lights. I can take it.
PEGGY No, thank you, I'd rather be alone.
(PEGGY THROWS THE DRESS AT AL AND STORMS UPSTAIRS)
AL (STUNNED) For twenty-five years I've dreamed of this moment. Why aren't I happy? (BEAT)
It's just like her to ruin this for me, too.
(ON AL'S WORRIED FACE WE)
END OF ACT ONE
INT. BUNDY LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN - A FEW DAYS LATER
(AL AND JEFFERSON ARE ON THE COUCH. PEGGY AND MACY ARE AT THE KITCHEN TABLE DRINKING COFFEE.
PEGGY IS STILL ANGRY)
PEGGY Doesn't Al understand I just want to spend time with him?
ANGLE ON: AL AND JEFFERSON
AL Doesn't Peg understand I just want to be left alone.
ANGLE ON: PEGGY
PEGGY I spend all day cooking, cleaning.
(MARCY GIVES HER A LOOK)
PEGGY Okay, so I spend most of it ordering and eating, but the point is, I'm always there for
him. You know, he takes me for granted.
ANGLE ON: AL
AL You know, she takes me for granted. So what if I don't remember her birthday? Everyday I
come home to her, sit on that couch, and pretend to listen. I'm totally dependable.
ANGLE ON: PEGGY
PEGGY He's totally predictable. Everyday, he comes home from work, sits on that couch, and
ignores me. That's not love.
ANGLE ON: AL
AL If that's not love, I don't know what is.
ANGLE ON: PEGGY
PEGGY I deserve more, Marce. What should I do?
MARCY Leave him! (BEAT) Sorry, I was thinking what I would do. What any sane woman would do.
(BEAT) Have you thought about seeing someone?
PEGGY Well, I've had my eye on the UPS guy.
MARCY I meant you and Al should see a marriage counselor.
PEGGY Okay, but would I have to tell him about the UPS guy?
MARCY Peggy, if you really want Al to change, you guys should go for counseling. It really
ANGLE ON: JEFFERSON
JEFF It doesn't work. But you don't have to say anything. You just sit there and nod, and they
think you're willing to change.
ANGLE ON: MARCY
MARCY Trust me. Going to counseling will open Al up.
ANGLE on; JEFFERSON
JEFF Trust me. Going to counseling will shut Peg up.
(AL AND PEGGY LOOK AT EACH OTHER)
AL I want to go to marriage counseling.
PEGGY I want to go to marriage counseling.
AL Wow. We haven't agreed on anything this quick since we spent the kids' college fund.
INT. JIM'S GYM - THAT AFTERNOON
(THERE'S A BOXING RING SET UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE GYM. SEVERAL EXTRAS ARE MILLING ABOUT. KELLY,
WEARING A ROBE THAT READS "BLOND BOMBER" AND HEATHER, WHOSE ROBE READS "TALRICO TORNADO," ARE IN
THE CENTER OF THE RING WITH A PERSONAL TRAINER TYPE, WHO'S DOUBLING AS A REFEREE. BUD, DRESSED
LIKE MICKEY FROM "ROCKY", IS IN KELLY'S CORNER, MASSAGING HER SHOULDERS)
BUD Okay, Kelly, you can take her, she's yours. And, hopefully, after you beat her brains to
mush, she'll be mine.
KELLY (DANCING LIKE ALI) Float like a horsefly, sting like a flea. No one can touch me, I'm
(THE BELL RINGS)
SFX: THE BELL RINGS
(KELLY AND HEATHER GO TO THE CENTER OF THE RING AND TOUCH GLOVES)
HEATHER That movie role is mine. You're going down, street meat.
KELLY Let's rock.
(KELLY AND HEATHER START BOXING. KELLY GETS A FEW SHOTS IN, BUT HEATHER IS CLEARLY BETTER. SHE
BEATS KELLY INTO HER CORNER. HEATHER COMES AFTER HER)
BUD Kelly, duck!
(KELLY DUCKS, AVOIDING HEATHER'S PUNCH, WHICH HITS BUD IN THE FACE. HE GOES OUT LIKE A LIGHT)
KELLY Hey, no one hits my brother. At least not without dating him first.
HEATHER You know, you fight as bad as you act.
KELLY Well, you fight as bad as Brooke Shields acts.
HEATHER (ENRAGED) That's it, Bundy. I'm taking you out.
KELLY Thanks, but I already have plans.
(WE GO TO SLOW MOTION AS HEATHER STARTS TO DELIVER A KNOCKOUT PUNCH. KELLY FEINTS AND NAILS
HEATHER WITH THE BUNDY COMBO. HEATHER GOES DOWN)
REFEREE One, two...
(HE SEES SHE'S OUT AND STOPS COUNTING. REVIVED, BUD COMES INTO THE RING AND RAISES KELLY'S ARM)
BUD The winner and star of "Catfight: the Movie," the Blond Bomber, Kelly Bundy!
(THE BYSTANDER EXTRAS CHEER AS KELLY HUGS BUD AND JUMPS UP AND DOWN)
KELLY I'm going to be a movie star! I can't wait to see my face on the big screen!
(CLOSE ON KELLY, REVEALING HER BLACK EYES AND KNOCKED OUT TEETH, AS WE)
INT. DR. LONGO'S OFFICE - THE NEXT DAY
(AL AND PEGGY ARE IN A THERAPIST'S OFFICE. THERE ARE PICTURES AND DEGREES ON THE WALL)
AL Why couldn't we go to my guy, Peg?
PEGGY Because I'm not talking about my marriage with Ernie at the Blech 'N' Burp.
AL He's a wise man, Peg. And we'd get free buffalo wings.
(DR. LONGO, A YOUNG MAN, ENTERS)
DR. L Hi. You must be the Bundys. I'm Dr. Longo.
AL Aren't you a little young?
DR. L Actually, I'm a Freudian. (HE LAUGHS) Just a little analyst humor.
AL (TO PEGGY) Ernie's funnier, and he's got fooseball.
PEGGY Shut Up, Al. (PLEASANTLY) So, how many couples have you seen?
DR. L Counting you? (BEAT) One. But don't worry, I spent my whole life watching my parents
PEGGY What were they fighting about?
DR. L Mostly my bad grades. And lack of insight. But we're not here to discuss me.
AL Look, Doogie, at fifteen bucks an hour, we'll talk about whatever we want.
DR. L So, what seems to be the problem?
PEGGY The problem is my husband doesn't pay attention to me anymore. Isn't that true, Al?
ANGLE ON: AL MESMERIZED BY THE PERPETUAL MOTION DESK TOY
AL Whatever you say, honey.
DR. L Actually, Mr. Bundy, we're interested in what you think.
AL I think it's all my fault. Hey, I feel better. You're a miracle worker, Doc. Come on,
DR. L Mr. Bundy, I sense a reluctance to communicate here.
AL That's not true. Talk to him, Peg.
DR. L Mr. Bundy, to help this marriage, it's important that you open up.
AL Is not.
DR. L Is too. I just had this on a test. (PROUDLY) And I got a B minus.
AL (DESPERATE) Aren't we out of time?
DR. L No, we have fifty-three minutes left.
PEGGY Al, we're not going anywhere until you share your feelings.
AL Peg, I've done my part. I'm here. I'm fully prepared to nod and agree, but I'm not about
to spill my guts to a total stranger.
INT. DR. LONGO'S OFFICE - A FEW HOURS LATER
(AL IS SOBBING AND CLUTCHING A PILLOW. PEGGY AND DR. LONGO LOOK ON)
AL ... And then when I was five, my mommy took away my squirt gun.
DR. L (HANDING HIM A TISSUE) Maybe she had a good reason.
AL Well, I was using up all her vodka; and I kept missing her mouth.
PEGGY Al, we're here to talk about our marriage, not you wanting a gun.
AL The two are related, Peg.
DR. L (CALMLY) Mr. Bundy, you obviously have a lot of issues to deal with, and I think that at
some later date, you may want to... commit yourself. But right now I'd like to hear about
your relationship before you got married. Mrs. Bundy?
PEGGY (NOSTALGIC) We were young and in love. We'd cut class, have a smoke under the bleachers,
then have a quickie in the senior parking lot. Then we'd get in Al's car and go grab a
DR. L And what about you, Al?
AL (WISTFUL) It was the greatest time of my life. The chicks dug me. I was the star fullback
on an undefeated team, and all the teachers had to pass me. I had a bitchin' Dodge, and
gas was fifteen cents a gallon. Back then it all seemed possible.
DR. L And then what happened?
AL I had to get married.
PEGGY Great. Now we're gonna hear all about how if he hadn't gotten married, he could have
played college ball, gone to the pros...
AL Well, it's true. Right now I should be a retired football great, selling my autograph on
QVC, and addicted to the finest painkillers money can buy. You took that away from me,
PEGGY The hell I did. Your big game where you scored four touchdowns? It was the blocking!
AL (HORRIFIED) You take that back!
PEGGY You never would've made it to the pros.
AL Well, we'll never know, will we? Because you had to go and get pregnant!
PEGGY (REALLY ANGRY) I'm gonna let you in on a little secret, Al. I didn't get pregnant till
(THERE IS AN AWKWARD SILENCE)
DR. L (CLARIFYING) She lied and you wasted your life. Well, our time is up.
AL You lied to me for twenty-five years! How could you not tell me?
PEGGY I thought you might get mad.
(AL GRABS THE NEAREST THING, THE DIPLOMA, OFF THE WALL AND SMASHES IT. HE STORMS OUT)
PEGGY And I was right.
DR. L (SADLY) My mom just had that framed.
(PEGGY TAKES HIS OTHER DIPLOMA, SMASHES IT OVER HIS HEAD AND EXITS)
DR. L (AFTER HER) So, I'll bill you?!
INT. BUNDY LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN - LATER THAT DAY
(PEGGY IS ON THE COUCH, UPSET. AL ENTERS FROM UPSTAIRS WEARING HIS FOOTBALL JERSEY, HOLDING A
TOILET SEAT UNDER HIS ARM, AND CARRYING A SUITCASE)
PEGGY Come on, Al. I told you I was sorry.
AL Sorry doesn't make up for twenty-five years, Peg.
PEGGY Does pudding?
AL (HESITATING FOR A MOMENT) No.
PEGGY But where are you going?
AL To live the life I shoulda had.
PEGGY Al, I only said I was pregnant because I was afraid to lose you. I did it because I loved
AL That's not love, Peg.
PEGGY So, I hurried things a little. We still would've ended up together, right?
AL (BEAT) I guess we'll never know.
(AL EXITS TO THE GARAGE AND ON PEGGY'S REACTION WE)
END OF SHOW
Scribed by Nitzan Gilkis
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