Regular Cast:
 
Ed O'Neill..............Al Bundy
Katey Sagal.............Peggy Bundy
David Garrison..........Steve Rhoades
Amanda Bearse...........Marcy Rhoades
Christina Applegate.....Kelly Bundy
David Faustino..........Bud Bundy
Mike, the Dog...........Buck, the Dog
 
Guest cast:
 
Tom Lahm................Jim Jupiter
                ........Bunny
                ........Lola
 
 
 
ACT ONE
 
SCENE ONE
 
INT. BUNDY LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN - EVENING
 
The TV is on.
Peggy and Marcy are sitting on the couch eating bonbons. 
They are eating in sync to the voice of Jim Jupiter on the television
 
JIM)    [V.O] And one and two and one and two and one and two and rest.
 
Peggy and Marcy sigh exhaustedly and put a bon bon back in the box
 
 
CUT TO:
 
 
ACT ONE
 
SCENE TWO
 
INT. EXERCISE SHOW STAGE - CONTINUOUS
 
Jim Jupiter, a ruggedly handsome body builder is wearing a tank top with a picture of
Saturn on it.
There are two beautiful young women, Bunny and Lola, behind him, who were following his
exercise routine
 
JIM)    [to camera] Okay, ladies. Let's take a break while I mix up a Jim Jupiter
        Spirulina and Wheat Grass shake.
 
JIM)    Mm mmm.
BUNNY)  Mm mmm.
LOLA)   Mm mmm.
 
Jim, every movement right out of body building school, crosses to a blender and starts
preparing a shake. 
 
 
CUT TO:
 
 
ACT ONE
 
SCENE THREE
 
INT. BUNDY LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
 
PEGGY)  Just look at that sweat glistening off Jim Jupiter's arms. [to TV] Come on,
        Mama wants a salt lick.
 
MARCY)  I wouldn't mind being the first woman on Jupiter... Not that Steve is anything
        to laugh at.
 
Peggy and Marcy look at each other, then laugh
 
PEGGY)  Y'know, it does seem odd, doesn't it? I mean, Al and Steve look nothing like
        Jim and yet they're all lumped together as men.
 
MARCY)  Well, let's not be hasty. Man like Jim Jupiter may not be all they're cracked
        up to be. Take away his biceps, triceps, quadriceps, washboard stomach, what
        have you got?
 
Al enters, big sweat stains under his arms
 
AL)     Whoa. No more Tacos at lunch for me. Peg, can you wring this shirt out? I gotta
        wear it tomorrow. Any food?
 
PEGGY)  There's a six pack in the fridge.
 
AL)     I could use something to wash it down with. Why don't you pop this chicken in 
        the oven. [pinches Marcy's shoulder] Oh, hi, Marce, An honest mistake.
 
MARCY)  Squish away from me. [to Peggy] I've known him four years and I've never seen
        him dry.
 
PEGGY)  You've never had sex with him. [looks at TV] Oh, good. Jim's greased up and
        ready.
 
AL)     Who's the Sissy Mary?
 
MARCY)  That's Jim Jupiter, the healthiest man in Chicago.
 
AL)     Oh yeah? Does he have guns like these?
 
Al makes a muscle. 
 
PEGGY)  Put your arms down Al, you're boiling Buck's water. [beat] Shh. Jim's
        speaking.
 
JIM)    [V.O.] Okay ladies, I guess you all know what it's time to do now.
 
AL)     Dash off to a Judy Garland concert?
 
They "shh" him
 
JIM)    [V.O] It's time to announce the winner of the free Jim Jupiter workout. Yep,
        Jim is going to spend two whole healthy weeks with some lucky woman.
 
Peggy and Marcy walla "me me me"
 
 
CUT TO:
 
 
ACT ONE
 
SCENE FOUR
 
INT. EXERCISE SHOW STAGE - CONTINUOUS
 
 
Jim, crosses to a hopper full of entires
 
JIM)    Now, what lucky person will spend two weeks with Jim Jupiter, the healthiest
        man in Chicago? [Jim reaches in and draws out a card] And the winner is... 
        [He flexingly tears open the envelope] [reads] Miss Peggy Bundy.
 
CUT TO:
 
 
ACT ONE
 
SCENE FIVE
 
INT. BUNDY LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
 
Peggy applauds. Marcy stares at her in shock. 
 
PEGGY)  I can't believe it. I've never won anything. I've never had anything. Now,
        finally, someone special to share my life with.
 
AL)     Uh, Peg. I know you didn't ask for my permission when we got married, or when
        you conceived the children. But if you think that fruit loop is gonna stay in
        my house, I'm telling you...
 
PEGGY)  Oh, Marcy. Jim Jupiter is gonna do squat thrusts in my house for two whole
        weeks. Can you believe it?
 
MARCY)  Oh, so what. Who needs him? I already have a real man at my house.
 
Steve enters
 
STEVE)  [singing] "A Wandering Minstrel, I." [then] What do you say, Marce? Want to go
        see "Mikado" tonight? [singing] "I'm going to marry Yum-Yum, Yum-Yum."
 
MARCY)  [beat, then grabs Peggy, begging] Please let me watch Jim squat. Just once.
 
PEGGY)  Okay. But don't touch. I have to buy a new leotard. I want to look great for
        Jim.
 
AL)     Don't bother. 'Cause he's not coming. No ma'am. No chance. No way. Sorry Peg,
        but this time my answer is... [Peggy and Marcy exit] ... I have spoken.
 
STEVE)  [beat] Wanna go see "Mikado" tonight?
 
AL)     Who's he fightin'?
 
 
DISSOLVE TO:
 
 
ACT ONE
 
SCENE SIX
 
INT. BUNDY LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN - DAY
 
Peggy, wearing a leotard, is anxiously looking out the window. 
Kelly is on the couch. Bud comes downstairs.
 
PEGGY)  I can't believe it. I get to watch Jim Jupiter flex and ripple in the privacy
        of my own home.
 
BUD)    Mom, do I really have to share a room with Kelly while that exercise guy is
        here? I'll be up all night, what with all that traffic coming through the
        window.
 
KELLY)  Oh, it's not gonna be easy for me to sleep either, with you whispering "I love
        you" to your hand.
 
PEGGY)  Kids, will you please stop thinking about your empty little lives and think
        about mine. Jim Jupiter will be here any minute. now how do I look?
 
KELLY)  Hot.
 
BUD)    Desperate.
 
PEGGY)  Good. I didn't want to send any mixed signals. [shoe looks out the window] Ooh.
        Here comes the healthiest car in Chicago now. He's getting out. Ooh. Now, kids.
        something new is about to happen. A man is going to be in the house.
 
Peggy opens the door and Jim Jupiter enters
 
PEGGY)  [entranced] Hi there.
 
JIM)    I'm Jim Jupiter, the healthiest man in Chicago.
 
BUD)    Hi, we're the Bundys, the poorest family in Chicago.
 
Kelly crosses to Jim
 
KELLY)  Pleased to meet you, Jim. 
 
She wipes her lips with the back of her hand.
Peggy grabs Kelly by the hair and pulls her away.
 
PEGGY)  He's mine. [to Jim] Hi! I'm Peggy, Kelly's twin mother. Don't let the wedding
        ring fool you. It means nothing to me.
 
Jim reacts
 
BUD)    Jim... [Jim stares at Bud blankly] Bud Bundy... we met a moment ago. I have a
        question. I do okay with the ladies, but some say I'm just too strong? What can
        I do?
 
KELLY)  Move up to the nine year olds.
 
BUD)    Stuff a bra.
 
KELLY)  Pick a nose.
 
PEGGY)  Now kids, Jim just got here. Go away. [to Jim] Pelvic thrusts, Jim?
 
Bud exits up the stairs. Kelly starts up the stairs, then purposely drops her bracelet. 
 
KELLY)  Oopsee.
 
She bends over slowly in a deliberate manner to pick it up, 
 
JIM)    [chiding] Uh-uh. The correct way to pick something up is to bend from the 
        knees.
 
Kelly shakes her head in disbelief
 
KELLY)  What a shame. A body like that and not a brain in his head.
 
Kelly walks into the wall, then exits up the stairs
 
JIM)    Okay, Mrs Bundy. Let's talk about your total health plan.
 
PEGGY)  Yeah, yeah. Look, Jim. If I wanted chat, I'd have had Dick Cavett bunk with me.
        Let's get to the good stuff. Take off your shirt and let's get sweaty.
 
JIM)    Well, you've got a good, healthy attitude about exercise. I guess we could
        start with some warm-ups. [He gets up and moves the coffee table to one side]
        Get down on all fours.
 
PEGGY)  Ruff.
 
She gets down. He stands over her.
Al enters
 
AL)     Hi, Peg. How was your day?
 
PEGGY)  looking up. Al, meet Jim.
 
JIM)    [holding out his hand] I'm Jim Jupiter, the healthiest man in Chicago.
 
AL)     Then you should heal quick when I pull your spine through your mouth.
 
Al starts towards him
 
PEGGY)  Now, boys. No need to fight. At least not with Jim's shirt on.
 
JIM)    [sniffs the air] I smell something.
 
PEGGY)  Incredible, Al. Right through the shoes and all.
 
JIM)    No, no. It smells like cholesterol. There's in this house.
 
AL)     I had a burger for lunch.
 
JIM)    [appalled] I thought so. Why don't you just swallow a grenade?
 
AL)     I couldn't get it down my throat.
 
JIM)    Y'know, Mr. Bundy. Most men get depressed when they turn fifty. And you
        probably did, too. But you're still a young man. Don't you want to live a long
        time?
 
AL)     Only if my wife can be by my side. I'm nothing without her, you know.
 
JIM)    I feel that way about my cat, Winky. I've kept her in shape and I think I can
        do wonders for you, too.
 
AL)     Hey, don't let these slits on my wrists fool you. I'm in great shape,
        I was an athlete in High School.
 
JIM)    So was I. I was a gymnast.
 
AL)     [laughs] A gymnast isn't an athlete. A gymnast is, well, like a girl!
 
PEGGY)  All right, look. It's obvious it was a mistake having you two in the same house
        at the same time. Jim, take off your shirt and show Al the door.
 
SFX: Doorbell 
 
PEGGY)  I'll get it.
 
She takes him with her, then opens the door. Steve and Marcy enter
 
MARCY)  I'm just here to borrow some Spirulina. [mock surprise] Oh, Jim Jupiter. I
        didn't know you'd be here. I'm Marcy and this is my husband, Scrawny... I mean
        Steve.
 
JIM)    Hi, I'm Jim Jupiter. Pleased to meet you, Steve. [they shake hands] Nice firm
        handshake.
 
STEVE)  Yeah... well, played a little sousaphone in High School.
 
MARCY)  Were you two getting ready to exercise? I hate to interrupt.
 
She takes off her coat. She has a warm up outfit on
 
MARCY)  Let's get wet.
 
AL)     [To Steve] Can you believe they want this guy? Guess what he was in High
        School... a gymnast!
 
Steve and Al laugh
Steve puts his arm around Al.
 
STEVE)  Football and the band... that's where the men were in our day, right, buddy?
 
AL)     [pointedly, to Jim] What say we go out and get us a pizza, Steve?
 
STEVE)  Yeah, let's eat 'til we vomit. You know, like men. [They start out] [sings]
        "We're going to eat Yum-Yum, Yum-Yum."
 
They exit
 
MARCY)  Well, let's get started.
 
PEGGY)  He's mine.
 
MARCY)  Al's yours.
 
PEGGY)  Well, Steve's yours.
 
MARCY)  Low blow.
 
JIM)    Ladies, ladies. Please. There's fitness enough for us all. Let's begin with
        some in-place runs. You know, to burn off the tension.
 
Jim starts running in place. Peggy and Marcy run in place. 
Peggy takes Marcy by the scruff of her neck and runs her out the door, slamming it
behind her
 
PEGGY)  Okay, Jim. I'm beat. Now, I'm just gonna sit here and you can flex me off to
        sleep.
 
JIM)    That's not quite how it works, Mrs Bundy.
 
PEGGY)  Uh, just how does it work, Jim?
 
 
DISSOLVE TO:
 
ACT ONE
 
SCENE SEVEN
 
INT. BUNDY LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
 
MONTAGE SEQUENCE
 
Peggy running up and down the stairs
 
DISSOLVE TO:
 
Peggy working out with a set of dumbbells
 
DISSOLVE TO:
 
Peggy doing sit-ups. She is crying
 
DISSOVLE TO:
 
 
ACT ONE
 
SCENE EIGHT
 
INT. BUNDY LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
 
Peggy is lying on the floor, face down. Jim counts.
Only Peggy's arms raise and lower. She's a wreck
 
JIM)    Okay, I think we're warmed up. Let's get started.
 
PEGGY)  [weakly] Bon bon.
 
JIM)    No bon bons.
 
Peggy pulls herself up wearily
 
PEGGY)  Okay, Jim. Let's clear up a few misconceptions. As winner of your contest, I
        thought we were going to take little walk with your shirt off. And you'd ride a
        bicycle in front of the neighbors with your shirt off. And we'd watch "Days of
        our Lives" with your shirt off.
 
JIM)    Jim Jupiter doesn't do things half way. Now, we're going to exercise.
 
PEGGY)  [firmly] Bon bon.
 
JIM)    I'm here to change your whole life, Peggy Bundy.
 
PEGGY)  Bon bon.
 
JIM)    [takes the box] Mrs Bundy, you're a strong woman, but I'm the healthiest man in
        Chicago. I can see this week is going to be a test of wills.
 
 
FLIP TO:
 
ACT ONE
 
SCENE NINE
 
INT. BUNDY LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN - SIX DAYS LATER
 
SUPER: SIX DAYS LATER
 
Jim and Peggy are on the couch eating bon bons. Peggy is smoking. Jim is now sporting
some gut.
 
JIM)    Bonbon. [She passes him the box. He takes one] I like strawberry the best,
        don't you?
 
PEGGY)  Well, mocha is my...
 
JIM)    Ssh! Oprah's on.
 
He puts two bonbons in his mouth, holding one in each cheek. They watch and eat.
 
 
ACT TWO
 
SCENE ONE
 
INT. BUNDY LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN - DAY
 
Peggy and Marcy are on the couch eating bon bons and watching television
 
MARCY)  Peggy, you look fabulous. That time with Jim really paid off. Do you feel
        better?
 
PEGGY)  I certainly do. He told me just to stay with the program and I'll life a long
        and happy life. Oh, he's on.
 
CUT TO:
 
 
ACT TWO
 
SCENE TWO
 
INT. EXERCISE SHOW STAGE - CONTINUOUS
 
Jim Jupiter, with even more of a gut, comes on with a cigarette in his mouth
 
JIM)    Hi, ladies. This is Jim Jupiter [puffs his cigarette] the healthiest man in
        Chicago. [He puts out his cigarette in a full ashtray] Now, let's get that
        exercise thing over with, shall we? 
 
He gives a little cough and starts to exercise
 
CUT TO:
 
PEGGY AND MARCY - CONTINUOUS
 
Peggy and Marcy are leisurely doing half-assed arm lifts as they sit on the couch
 
MARCY)  He's put on a little weight, hasn't he? [growing concern] My, he's sweating.
        And his face is the color of a plum.
 
PEGGY)  Hey, don't worry about Jim. He knows what he's doing. He's the healthiest man is
        Chicago.
 
CUT TO:
 
TV EXERCISE SHOW STAGE - CONTINUOUS
 
Jim raises his arms, wipes sweat off his brow, then clutches his chest and bends over.
 
CUT TO:
 
PEGGY AND MARCY - CONTINUOUS
 
Peggy and Marcy, following his lead, clutch their chests and bend over.
 
CUT TO:
 
TV EXERCISE SHOW STAGE - CONTINUOUS
 
Bunny runs over to Jim. 
 
BUNNY)  Oh no, he's dead! [beat] And he owed me fifty bucks.
 
An announcer steps in
 
ANOUN)  We interrupt Jim Jupiter for a special episode of... uh, "This Is A Test".
 
We colour bars
 
ANOUN)  [thinking mic. is off] The pig dropped dead right on camera.
 
Screaming women are heard in the background
 
CUT TO:
 
PEGGY AND MARCY - CONTINUOUS
 
MARCY)  I can't believe it - he looked so healthy when he was here. What could've
        happened to him?
 
Peggy stares guiltily at her bon bons
 
 
DISSOLVE TO:
 
 
ACT TWO
 
SCENE TWO
 
INT. BUNDY LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN - DAY
 
A close-up of a newspaper headline that reads: HEALTHIEST MAN IN CHICAGO DROPS DEAD. 
We see a picture of Jim, in his prime, smiling healthily.
We pull back to reveal Al is reading the paper on the couch. 
Peggy is sitting next to him
 
AL)     [reading] "Blood sugar level high enough to kill three horses. Cholesterol
        level high enough to dam the mighty mississip". That's writin'.
 
Peggy finally can't hold it in anymore
 
PEGGY)  It's my fault, Al. I did it. I killed the healthiest man in Chicago.
 
AL)     Well, you've been killed less. How come you took him out of his misery so fast
        and me you let suffer?
 
PEGGY)  You're a labor of love. But what about our children? What if our lifestyle is 
        killing them. Do we care enough about our kids? Are we concerned enough as parents?
 
AL)     By the way. Where are they?
 
PEGGY)  How would I know?
 
Bud and Kelly enter with bags of burgers
 
BUD)    Burgers here. Who had the wet and greasy?
 
Al raises his hand. Peggy beats Al to it, grabs the bag and tosses it out the door.
Buck exits quickly after the burgers.
 
KELLY)  All right! Picnic.
 
AL)     Why'd you throw my burger out in the street, Peg?
 
PEGGY)  You don't you get it, do you, Al? Has Jim Jupiter died in vain? Well, Jim has 
        taught me that enjoying your food only leads to death and I won't be
        responsible for the death or the enjoyment of any member of this family. No.
        From now on, we're gonna start eating right.
 
KELLY)  Hey, you killed him. Why do we have to suffer?
 
PEGGY)  Look, I am trying to show love or the family so either shut up or get out.
        [They start out] Get back here. I'll make the first sacrifice. My bon bons. 
 
Peggy picks up a box of bonbons. She tosses them out the door. We hear Buck whimper
O.S.
 
PEGGY)  Sorry, Buck. [to others] And now, we eat dinner.
 
 
DISSOLVE TO:
 
 
ACT TWO
 
SCENE FOUR
 
INT. BUNDY LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN - EVENING
 
Bud, Kelly and Al are at the table.
Peggy is in the kitchen, preparing health shakes and has several bottles of vitamins on
the cabinet.
 
KELLY)  Daddy, if I eat anymore of this... [reads label on the jar] ..."Wheat Germ"
        [pronounced Gurm] I'm going to lose my mind.
 
BUD)    Dad, you think you're the boss, do something.
 
AL)     I can't Bud. See, your mother's never really physically killed a man before. 
        I think we need to bear with her a few more days.
 
Peggy brings over a mixing bowl of something and glops a spoonful into each plate.
 
PEGGY)  Here we are, family. Home cooking.
 
KELLY)  Hmmm. What is it tonight, Mom? Bee spit?
 
PEGGY)  Sunflower paste.
 
BUD)    I'm gonna spread mine on styrofoam.
 
PEGGY)  Those are rice cakes, Bud. [Peggy sits down and starts to eat] Isn't this
        delicious? I'm glad we're eating healthy. We're cleansing ourselves. I feel ten
        years younger. [she starts to cry] I wanna live. But not like this.
 
She knocks her plate off the table.
Al rises from the table and crosses to the couch.
 
AL)     [signs] Okay. Come on, family meeting. [they all go to the couch and sit] Now,
        Peg, I know you think you're responsible for killing Jim. And yet you have no
        guilt of squashing the life out of me, but, that's another meeting. Anyhow,
        what I'm saying is you didn't kill Jim. Good health killed Jim. See, he
        purified his body so completely, that when finally called upon to do so, he
        couldn't handle the grease, and sugar and toxic waste that we call food. He
        rendered himself extinct. See, healthy people are like dinosaurs. They're
        aren't fit to survive. Jim's body couldn't handle the burgers, bon bons, and
        Twinkie suckin's like real Americans. Y'see, we are the truly strong.
 
PEGGY)  You really think so, Al?
 
AL)     As filth is my witness, Peg. See that cockroach over there? 
 
PEGGY)  [pointing finger] That one?
 
AL)     No, that one. Oh, any of them. Do you see them carrying off a can of Wheat
        Germ?
 
KELLY)  Gurm, Dad.
 
AL)     Thanks, Pumpkin. Anyway, Peg, let's follow the example of our friend the
        cockroach. They were before man, they'll be after man. You know why? They eat
        crap. And I say, if it's good enough for the cockroach, then it's good enough
        for my family.
 
PEGGY)  Oh Al, you really do care.
 
AL)     You bet I do. I don't know about you guys, but I'm hungry enough to block a 
        colon. Grease burgers for everyone. On Dad. What do you say?
 
They all excitedly grab their jackets and charge out the door. 
They walla about the food they'll eat, like "I'm gonna eat butter pats", "lard lard", etc. 
They exit.
Supered over the empty living room the words:
"This show is dedicated to our brother, The Might Cockroach. Let him show us the way."
 
 
 
THE END
 
 
 
EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS: MICHAEL G. MOYE AND RON LEAVITT
 
DIRECTED BY: GERRY COHEN
WRITTEN BY: KATHERINE GREEN
CREATED BY: RON LEAVITT & MICHAEL G. MOYE
PRODUCED BY: ELLEN L. FOGLE
ASSOCIATE PRODUCER: BARBARA BLACHUT CRAMER
 
STORY EDITOR: ELLEN L. FOGLE
STORY EDITOR: RALPH FARQUHAR
CREATIVE CONSULTANT: RICHARD GURMAN
CASTING BY: TAMMARA BILLIK, C.S.A.
EXECUTIVE IN CHARGE OF CASTING: TIM FLACK
"LOVE AND MARRIAGE" LYRICS BY SAMMY CAHN AND JIMMY VAN HEUSEN
                    PERFORMED BY FRANK SINATRA
MUSIC SUPERVISION: MICHAEL ANDREAS
PRODUCTION DESIGNER: DON ROBERTS
ART DIRECTOR: BERNARD VYZGA
ASSOCIATE DIRECTOR: RICHARD DRANEY 
STAGE MANAGERS: GARY RAMINEZ, STEPHANIE SCOTT
PRODUCTION ASSOCATE: KITTY ROUKE
PRODUCTION COORDINATOR: SUSAN JANG
UNIT MANAGER: BOB PLATAK
TECHNICAL MANAGER: HORACE SCOTT
PRODUCTION SERVICES CO-ORDINATOR: TONY NEELY
TECHNICAL DIRECTOR: JIM RALSTON
LIGHTING DIRECTORS: THOMAS W. MARKLE, DEBBIE BAIRD 
AUDIO: ART MORGENSTEIN
VIDEOTAPE EDITORS: LARRY HARRIS, RON BODER
RE-RECORDING: BLAINE STEWART, CRAIG PORTER
COSTUMES: MARTI MASAMITSU
PROPERTY MASTER: MICHAEL SEMON
MAKE-UP: SUE FORREST-CHAMBERS
HAIR STYLIST: DOTTIE McQUOWN
PRODUCTION SURPERVISED BY: FRAN MCCONNELL
PRODUCTION CONSULTANTS: DEBORAH CURTAN, EDUARDO CERVANTES
VIDEOTAPED AT ABC TELEVISION CENTRE IN HOLLYWOOD
IN CHARGE OF PRODUCTION: KEN STUMP
COPYRIGHT (C) 1989
EMBASSY COMMUNICATIONS
All Rights Reserved
COLUMBIA PICTURES TELEVISON
a SONY PICTURES ENTERTAINMENT production