January 9, 1989

Executive Producers
Ron Leavitt
and
Michael G. Moye

Supervising Producer
Richard Gurman

Producers
Sandy Sprung
&
Marcy Vosburgh

Associate Producer
Barbara Cramer

Directed By
Gerry Cohen

Written By
Richard Gurman

AN ELP COMMUNICATIONS PRODUCTION

SHOW: #0309
TAPE: 1/13/89
AIR: N/A


CAST
----
AL BUNDY ................... ED O'NEILL
PEGGY BUNDY ................ KATEY SAGAL
STEVE RHOADES .............. DAVID GARRISON
MARCY RHOADES .............. AMANDA BEARSE
KELLY BUNDY ................ CHRISTINA APPLEGATE
BUD BUNDY .................. DAVID FAUSTINO
MADAME OLGA ................ 
MR. VANDERGELDER ...........
VICKY ......................
FRED .......................
FLUFFY .....................
CAPTAIN JIM STRONG (O.S.) ..
BUCK, THE DOG .............. MIKE, THE DOG


ACT ONE

SCENE ONE

FADE IN:

INT. BUNDY LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN - NIGHT

(AL AND PEGGY ENTER CARRYING PLATTERS OF PARTY FOOD, COLD CUTS, DIPS, ETC.)

PEGGY	Steve and Marcy throw a nice party, don't they?

AL	I think it would have been nicer if they had actually invited us.

PEGGY	Well, I'm sure when they opened the door and said, "Oh, God. Not you.", they meant
	not the kids and Buck. But we all went in and had a good time anyway, didn't we?

(THEY KISS. THEN THEY START MAKING SANDWICHES)

AL	I really didn't like those people, Peg. A bunch of boring bankers. All they did was
	stare at me all night. Do you think they knew I was the one who overflowed the toilet?

PEGGY	Well, it might have tipped them off when you shouted "Thar she blows" and came
	running down the stairs just ahead of the wave.

AL	Well, for once I agree with Steve. This is the last party I'm going to at their house.
	But at least we got to take home the leftovers.

(MARCY KNOCKS AND ENTERS)

MARCY	Excuse me, Al, but the party just started. I'll need the food back.

AL	Uh, sure, Marce.

(HE PICKS UP THE PLATTERS AND PRETENDS TO SNEEZE IN IT. MARCY REACTS. HE OFFERS HER THE
PLATTERS)

AL	Here you go.

MARCY	Oh, that's okay. At least we have the cake.

(KELLY AND BUD ENTER, WHEELING A CAKE, SHAPED LIKE A DOLLAR SIGN, ON A CART. THE CAKE IS
MISSING A PIECE OF THE DESIGN)

MARCY	My cake!

BUD	Sorry, Dad. A couple of people grabbed pieces as we were leaving. But most of them
	were busy watching Buck hump Mrs. Vandergelder's fur coat.

(BUCK ENTERS WITH A FAKE FUR COAT IN HIS MOUTH. HE TAKES IT UPSTAIRS. MARCY REACTS)

KELLY	Mom, how come Buck can bring the coat upstairs and I can't have boys in my room?

PEGGY	Because that coat can't get pregnant.

BUD	Obviously neither can Kelly.

(STEVE ENTERS)

STEVE	Uh, honey. Your boss' wife is wondering where her fur coat is. I told her not to
	worry and put her on the bucket brigade. Marcy, isn't this our cake?

(BUD STARTS TO FAKE A SNEEZE)

BUD	Ah, ah, ah...

PEGGY	Your father's already done that one, Bud. Now, it was wrong to take that cake. Put it
	back, and then hose down Buck and get the fur coat back.

(KELLY AND BUD EXIT THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR)

PEGGY	Those kids. I don't know where they get it.

MARCY	Steve, we've got to get back to our party. There are a lot of rich, important people
	there and I'm afraid for our silverware.

STEVE	Besides, I'm dying to get my fortune read by the psychic we hired.

(THROUGH THE BACK WINDOWS WE CAN SEE BUD AND KELLY SNEAKING THE CAKE INTO THE BACKYARD.
MADAME OLGA, THE PARTY PSYCHIC ENTERS)

OLGA	I hope I'm not intruding.

STEVE	She's incredible. (TO OLGA) Did you sense our presence here?

OLGA	Actually, I had to go to the bathroom and yours is mingling with the guests.

AL	(COVERING) Who could have done that?

STEVE	Say, Madame Olga. As long as you're here, I haven't had a chance to have my fortune
	read. I have some stocks on margin that I'm thinking of dumping on the junk bond
	market.

OLGA	I have to pee.

PEGGY	(INDICATES GARAGE) Use Al's bathroom.

OLGA	(INDICATES AL) Would this be Al?

PEGGY	Yes.

OLGA	(BEAT) The spirits have told me to hold it. Sit down, we shall have a reading.

MARCY	Steve, please. I really think we should do this back at our house.

OLGA	(GETS A FEELING) No, please. Sit down. I feel strong vibrations here.

AL	(SOTTO) Peg, did you leave your "Toy" running under the couch again?

PEGGY	No. It's in the shop. I'm having it turbo charged.

(OLGA DEALS THE CARDS AS STEVE SITS DOWN)

OLGA	(REACTS TO CARDS) Ahh.

(THEY ALL LEAN IN, THEN)

OLGA	I see a death.

STEVE	Oh, no.

OLGA	But it will bring you your life's wish.

STEVE	All right! (THEN, TO MARCY) Honey, you have to do this.

MARCY	(TENTATIVE) With all due respect. I don't really believe this nonsense. I believe we
	control our own fate.

PEGGY	I'll go. I'll go. (TO OLGA, EXCITEDLY) Do you see a death that will bring me my
	life's wish?

OLGA	Let us see.

(OLGA RESHUFFLES THE CARDS AND DEALS THEM)

OLGA	(REACTS TO CARDS) Aah.

(THEY ALL LEAN IN. THEN)

OLGA	An unexpected windfall will come your way.

PEGGY	(A LITTLE DOWN) But no death?

OLGA	Leave me.

PEGGY	All rightee.

(OLGA SHUFFLES THE CARDS)

PEGGY	Go next, Al. This is fun.

(AL SITS DOWN. OLGA CLOSES HER EYES AND CONCENTRATES)

OLGA	Feet.

AL	That's really in the cards?

OLGA	No. I smell your feet.

AL	Gee, she's good. I showered before the party. (TO OLGA) Tell me more.

OLGA	Underarms. But I digress. (LOOKS AT CARDS) I see good fortune for you. Something
	linked to the color green.

AL	What do I have that's green?

PEGGY	Your teeth.

AL	(TO OLGA) Can't I have a death, like Steve?

OLGA	That's all I see.

STEVE	Come on, Marcy. Your turn.

MARCY	(NERVOUSLY) No, I really shouldn't. After all, I am the hostess and it's rude not to
	get back to my party.

PEGGY	Oh, come on. It's fun. Good things are happening for everyone.

MARCY	(TOSSING HER HEAD BACK. PUMPING HERSELF UP) Okay.

(OLGA STARTS TO DEAL)

MARCY	I don't know what good this will do. I already met my tall dark stranger.

(SHE AND STEVE KISS. THEN, DEVIL-MAY-CARE)

MARCY	What do you see for me?

(OLGA DEALS THE FINAL TWO CARDS. SHE LOOKS AT THE CARDS THEN LOOKS AT MARCY)

OLGA	I see nothing, Mrs. Rhoades. I would like to be paid now.

MARCY	What do you see?

OLGA	We-ll. The usual thing. Good fortune. Good, green, fortune. Pay me.

(PEGGY LOOKS AT THE CARDS)

PEGGY	Who's the guy on the card with the noose?

OLGA	Oh, nothing.

MARCY	What? What is it? I have to know. It's good isn't it? Everyone else's was good.

OLGA	It's nothing really. Misfortune. Betrayal. Disaster. Tragedy.

MARCY	Sure, but for whom?

OLGA	For you.

MARCY	Ah. (BEAT) Well, like I said. I don't believe in this stuff. (GRABS STEVE) Thanks,
	Steve. It's fun. I'm going to die. But you three will have good luck. Y'know, it's
	funny. I wanted to hire a caricaturist. But Steve felt that would upset people. (TO
	STEVE) You were so right. This is much better. Well, let's party. Come, Steve. You
	wouldn't want to miss it when someone drops a safe on my head.

(MARCY HEADS FOR THE DOOR. STEVE STARTS AFTER HER. OLGA FOLLOWS)

STEVE	Oh, honey, come on. She's a con artist, a fake, a charlatan. (STEVE TURNS TO OLGA) So,
	good things are going to happen to me, right?

OLGA	Yes.

STEVE	All right!

(THEY EXIT)

PEGGY	Well, they're gone. You better let the kids in. They must be freezing out there.

AL	Peg, there's only enough cold cuts for two here.

(THEY SHRUG AND EAT. THE KIDS TAP ON THE SLIDING GLASS DOOR)

AL	(WITH MOUTH FULL) In a minute.

DISSOLVE TO:


ACT ONE

SCENE TWO

INT. BUNDY LIVING ROOM - THE NEXT DAY

(PEGGY IS AT THE TABLE EATING CAKE. BUCK IS LAYING ON THE FUR, CHEWING THE END OF IT)

SFX: DOORBELL

PEGGY	Who is it?

MARCY	Marcy.

(BUCK GETS UP AND TAKES THE FUR UPSTAIRS. PEGGY HIDES THE CAKE)

PEGGY	Come on in, Marce.

(MARCY ENTERS)

MARCY	Hi, Peggy. Look, I'm still alive. I told you those fortune tellers don't know what
	they're talking about. I've already forgotten what she said to me. Y'know, misfortune,
	betrayal, disaster, tragedy. (BEAT) Anything good happen to you? You didn't get a
	windfall, did you?

PEGGY	Hey. (INDICATES THE HOUSE)

MARCY	Oh, thank God.

SFX: DOORBELL

PEGGY	See? You can't take fortune tellers seriously. They just make up stuff.

(SHE OPENS THE DOOR TO A YOUNG MAN, FRED)

FRED	Mrs. Bundy?

PEGGY	Yes.

FRED	I found your husband's wallet in the parking lot at the mall.

(HE HOLDS OUT A WALLET. PEGGY TAKES IT AND IMMEDIATELY OPENS IT UP)

FRED	Oh, it's all there, ma'am. I didn't take anything.

PEGGY	He'll be happy to hear there are some honest people left in the world.

(PEGGY TAKES THE MONEY OUT AND PUTS IT DOWN HER BLOUSE. FRED WAITS A BEAT THEN HOLDS OUT HIS
HAND)

FRED	Ah, excuse me. I came all the way over here on my own time.

PEGGY	Oh, I'm sorry. Marcy, do you have five dollars?

MARCY	Not on me.

PEGGY	(SHRUGS TO FRED) I tried.

(SHE CLOSES THE DOOR ON HIM)

PEGGY	Can you believe this, Marcy? A windfall, just like the fortune teller said.

MARCY	(UNHAPPILY) I'm so happy for you.

PEGGY	Oh, Marcy. Don't be ridiculous. Nothing bad ever happens to you. Let me just put this
	wallet in Al's jacket pocket.

(PEGGY OPENS THE CLOSET AND PUTS IT IN A POCKET)

PEGGY	You're the luckiest person I know.

(UNSEEN BY PEGGY, A BLACK CAT CROSSES IN FRONT OF MARCY THEN CROSSES OUT OF FRAME)

MARCY	Uh, Peggy. Do you have a cat?

PEGGY	No. Why?

MARCY	(WEAKLY) Oh. Just wondering.

(AL ENTERS)

AL	Peg. Guess what happened? Remember that fortune teller said, "Green"? I figured out
	what she meant. I saw this horse, Gangrene, was running in the third race today. He
	went off at twenty to one, and I won two hundred bucks. That sure makes up for losing
	my wallet this morning. How you doing, Marce?

MARCY	I don't feel well.

AL	Then maybe you should go home.

MARCY	I'm not going home. Something bad is going to happen to me.

PEGGY	(ASIDE TO AL) She's worried about what that fortune teller said to her.

AL	(ALOUD) Hey, I don't blame her. Everything that gypsy broad said has clocked in on
	the money.

PEGGY	What Al really means is, that this woman's predictions don't mean a thing. The good
	things that happened to me and Al could have happened to anyone.

AL	What happened to you, Peg?

SFX: DOORBELL

(PEGGY CROSSES TO THE DOOR)

PEGGY	(COVERING) Nothing. I just mean that you could interpret Olga any way you want. I
	mean, Steve's the only one she went into detail with. And nobody died yet.

(PEGGY OPENS THE DOOR TO STEVE)

STEVE	Guess who kicked the bucket? Only the man with the best parking space at the bank.
	Meet the new man with the best parking space at the bank. He always said, I'd get that
	space over his dead body. 

(HE LAUGHS EVILLY)

STEVE	See you at the funeral, Simpson. Marcy, you gotta see this space. It's right in front
	of the door. It has a canopy over it. Birds can't hit it. It's the spot of my dreams.
	Boy, that gypsy sure knew what she was talking about.

AL	She sure did, Steve. I won two hundred dollars on a horse.

PEGGY	And I... I got... the best guy in the world.

AL	So we're all winners.

(THEY ALL STARE AT MARCY)

MARCY	Why is everyone looking at me?

AL	Because you're up next.

PEGGY	Smooth, Al. (THEN) Don't you think she knows a disaster is going to happen to her?

AL	Maybe it isn't even safe to have her in our house.

STEVE	Oh, no. I'm not taking her to my house. I don't even want her around my parking space.

MARCY	Thanks for the support, Steve. I just know something bad is going to happen. I don't
	know where. I don't know when. I just know I'm going to lose the most important thing
	to me in the world.

STEVE	Oh, don't worry, honey. I'm not going to leave you.

MARCY	(DISDAINFULLY) I don't mean you. I mean my career. My job. I couldn't bare starting
	over as a teller. I remember when you were a teller. Watching you going to work every
	day. Carrying a briefcase. Pretending you did something important. I couldn't bare
	feeling the shame I felt for you. And for myself. Oh, Steve. Don't let this happen to
	me.

STEVE	Uh, Marcy, you told me tellers were the backbone of the banking business.

MARCY	Oh, Steve. I also told you you were the first. I lied. Oh, Steve, I'm so worried. Hold
	me.

(SHE HUGS STEVE)

STEVE	But... but, I was the best, right?

(LONG BEAT)

MARCY	Yes. You were.

STEVE	Good. Good. Well, then, I have a piece of good news I've been saving until you were at
	your lowest.

MARCY	I am. I am.

STEVE	Well, your boss, Mr. Vandergelder called. And, of all the employees at your bank, he
	wants you to accompany him when he makes his keynote speech at the Women In Banking
	Association.

MARCY	Really? Me? I'm so honored. Hah! I spit in Madame Olga's eye. Stupid Gypsy. I'm glad
	I stopped payment on her check. Let her rot in hell because I'm going to the top.
	Where and when, Steve?

STEVE	Tomorrow. Seven-thirty P.M. New York City.

MARCY	I love New York City. If I can make it there, I can make it anywhere. How am I going
	to make it there, Steve?

STEVE	On a plane. You're flying.

AL	(BRIGHTLY) So that's how you're going to die.

(MARCY REACTS)

FADE OUT:

END OF ACT ONE


ACT TWO

SCENE ONE

FADE IN:

INT. BUNDY LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS

MARCY	I'm not going to New York, Steve.

STEVE	C'mon, honey, it's good for your career.

MARCY	No, Steve. Spiraling down to earth in a fiery Hell is not really good for my career.

AL	It might be good for Steve. That way he could take your parking spot in your garage.

MARCY	Is that why you want me to go, Steve? Well, I'm not going. I know what's going to
	happen. The plane will crash in the ocean. Then we'll all scamper for the lifeboats.
	I'm little. They'll push me aside like they did in school during fire drills. I 
	remember those drills. I'd be the first one out of my seat. I was always ready. Then
	the big girls would elbow me and I'd go flying.

(MAKES A "PUSHING ASIDE" GESTURE)

MARCY	Orderly exit, my ass! They trampled me like peanut shells on the floor of a cheap
	bar. They tossed me around like a badminton birdie. They...

STEVE	Al... Marcy. You can't refuse your boss.

MARCY	I hate my boss. (PETULANT) Mr. Vanderdoody. Of the Daughters of the American
	Revolution Vanderdoodys. To Hell with my career.

PEGGY	Oh, come on, Marcy. Yeah, it's silly to throw your career away because some gypsy has
	been right oh, I don't know, one hundred percent of the time.

AL	One hundred percent? What do you mean, Peg? What happened to you?

PEGGY	Nothing. Nothing. I'm just basking in your glory.

MARCY	Oh, please. She stole money from your wallet. Could we get to me?

PEGGY	(SMILES SWEETLY TO AL. THEN, RE: MARCY) It's the fear talking.

STEVE	Marcy, you're acting like a baby. Millions of people fly every day. Be strong. And buy
	insurance.

MARCY	Insurance? Yes. As a matter of fact I'll take insurance with me.

STEVE	Uh, won't it burn in the wreck, sweetie?

MARCY	I don't mean that kind of insurance, vulture. I'm taking you with me. All of you. 
	You're all having good luck. Nothing can happen to you. So, we'll all fly to New York,
	together. We'll pay.

PEGGY	Oh, Al. We're going to New York. Free. This is our lucky day.

(STEVE FIDDLES WITH HIS CALCULATOR WATCH A COUPLE OF BEATS)

STEVE	Well, I guess if it will make you feel safer, we can afford four coach tickets.

AL	Uh, excuse me here, Steve. The Bundys don't fly coach. We fly first class or we
	don't fly.

MARCY	Done.

(STEVE REACTS)

PEGGY	Oh, Al. First class. I thought I'd have to wait for my second husband to fly first
	class.

(THEY HUG)

DISSOLVE TO:


ACT TWO

SCENE TWO

INT. AIRPLANE FIRST CLASS SECTION - THE NEXT DAY

(PASSENGERS ARE BOARDING. MARCY IS SEATED NEXT TO STEVE. MARCY'S BOSS, HAROLD VANDERGELDER IS
SEATED BEHIND HER. FLUFFY, VANDERGELDER'S YOUNG SQUEEZE, IS SEATED NEXT TO HIM. VANDERGELDER
LEANS FORWARD)

VANDERG	Miss Rhoades?

MARCY	Yes, Mr. Vandergelder.

VANDERG	Once we're in the air, I'll want coffee.

MARCY	They have stewardesses for that.

VANDERG	I like it when you get me coffee.

MARCY	Yes, sir.

STEVE	Oh honey. As long as you're up, would you get me some coffee? You know how I like it.

MARCY	Of course. Cream, sugar and served on divorce papers.

VANDERG	And, Miss Rhoades. I just finished reading my speech that you wrote. I don't like it.
	Would you please redo it and make more references to me and my tremendous commitment
	to the women's movement.

MARCY	Yes, Mr. Vandergelder. (THEN, SOTTO TO STEVE) God, I hate him. I'd like to punch him
	right in the middle of his fat face.

VANDERG	Miss Rhoades?

MARCY	Yes, sir.

VANDERG	Once we're in New York, would you pick up a little gift for my wife? Something that
	makes it seem like I care?

MARCY	Yes. Perhaps a picture of you and your... investment broker. (THEN) How are you doing
	back there, Fluffy?

FLUFFY	How am I doing what?

(MARCY REACTS. AL AND PEGGY ENTER. AL CARRIES A TRAY OF HORS D'OEUVRES. PEGGY CARRIES SHOPPING
BAGS FROM THE AIRPORT GIFT STORE)

AL	(SINGING) "Start spreading the news." What do you think, Peg? Could we live in that
	V.I.P. lounge, or what?

PEGGY	Probably not. They threw us out.

(AL PEEKS THROUGH THE CURTAIN WHICH SEPARATES FIRST CLASS FROM COACH)

AL	You gotta see this, Peg. Look at all those slobs back in couch, sitting like cattle.

("MOOS" INTO THE COACH SECTION)

PEGGY	Oh, Al, that's not nice.

(GIGGLES WITH ENJOYMENT)

AL	(CALLS BACK THROUGH CURTAINS) Whoa, the seats are big up here. In first class.

(HE LAUGHS. THEY HOLD HANDS AND GO TO SIT DOWN. VANDERGELDER REACTS AS AL AND PEGGY MAKE THEIR
WAY TO THEIR SEATS)

VANDERG	Miss Rhoades. Who are those animals?

MARCY	Oh, they probably won some contest.

(AL AND PEGGY STOP NEXT TO MARCY)

AL	Hi, Steve. Marcy.

PEGGY	Hey, Marce. Check out the fat guy and his granddaughter behind you.

AL	Now, Peg. Maybe she's just his personal floatation device.

(THEY LAUGH. MARCY SLINKS IN HER SEAT. THE STEWARDESS, VICKY, APPROACHES AND TAKES AL'S
HORS D'OEUVRE TRAYS)

VICKY	Excuse me, sir. Please buckle your seat belt.

MARCY	(TO VICKY) Excuse me. Is the pilot any good?

VICKY	Oh, he's fantastic. His hands are gentle but oh, so rough.

MARCY	I meant, can he fly the plane?

VICKY	How would I know?

(VICKY CROSSES OUT)

STRONG	(O.S.) Hello, ladies and gentlemen. This is your captain, Jim Strong.

(A LONG BEAT, THEN)

MARCY	That's it? No, "We're going to have a pleasant flight."? What about weather? Fast and
	safe? No turbulence...

(VICKY CROSSES BACK IN, CARRYING SLIPPERS)

MARCY	Ah, Miss, it's going to be a pleasant flight, isn't it?

VICKY	How would I know? (THEN, TO AL) Sir, we have some complimentary in-flight slippers if
	you'd care to take off your shoes and relax?

(AL SMILES AND SLIPS OFF HIS SHOES. INSTANTANEOUSLY ALL THE EMERGENCY OXYGEN MASKS DROP FROM
THEIR HOSES)

DISSOLVE TO:


ACT TWO

SCENE THREE

INT. FIRST CLASS CABIN - THIRTY MINUTES LATER

(AL AND PEGGY ARE DRINKING CHAMPAGNE. THEY'RE HAVING THE TIME OF THEIR LIVES. MARCY IS NOT IN
HER SEAT)

AL	Hey, Stewardess. Another round for everybody. (YELLS BACK TO THE COACH SECTION) I
	mean it's free up here isn't it?

(HE LAUGHS. AL AND PEGGY ENTWINE ARMS AND DRINK THE AUSTRIAN TOAST. STEVE LEANS BACK TO
VANDERGELDER)

STEVE	Excuse me, Mr. Vandergelder. I thought this might be a good opportunity to mention
	how lucky you are to have someone like my wife as your bank manager. She's the best
	there is. (LOOKS DOWN) I'm sorry. I didn't know you were busy.

(HE TURNS BACK, AND NERVOUSLY DRINKS SOME WATER. THEN HE SNEAKS ANOTHER PEEK. MARCY RETURNS,
WEARING AN ORANGE LIFE JACKET)

STEVE	Feeling better, honey?

MARCY	Yeah, it's been a smooth flight. Very smooth. We haven't crashed yet. We're still in
	the air. Here's your speech, Mr. Vandergelder.

VANDERG	(READS OFF THE PAPER) "Oh, God, please don't let me die!"

MARCY	No. The other side.

(FLIPS IT OVER, THEN)

STRONG	(O. S.) This is your captain, speaking. We're starting our initial descent over...
	Whoa! Frank, turn off the intercom. (BEAT) What is that over there? A monsoon. Oh,
	God. We're going to die! Frank. Frank. Wake up, will ya? You know I stink at
	landings. Turn the intercom back on. (THEN COMPOSED) Ladies and gentlemen. We're
	encountering a little... weather up here. You might experience some mild turbulence.
	So, for your safety, fasten seatbelts, extinguish all cigarettes and... oh, what the
	hell. Light up.

(STEVE AND MARCY HANG ON FOR DEAR LIFE. THEN MARCY NOTICES AL AND PEGGY TOTALLY TUNED INTO
THEIR RESPECTIVE HEADPHONES. THEY ARE SLIGHTLY TIPSY. MARCY LEANS OVER)

MARCY	Peggy. This is it. We're going down.

(PEGGY AND AL DON'T NOTICE HER)

AL	(SINGS) "Hey, hey, Paula. I want to marry you."

PEGGY	(SINGING TO AL) "Hey, hey Paul..."

(MARCY RETREATS AND PREPARES TO DIE)

MARCY	Steve, I just want you to know I love you. And if only one of us has to go, I hope it's
	me. 

(BEAT. STEVE IS FROZEN WITH FEAR)

MARCY	Don't you feel the same way?

STEVE	If that's what you want, I hope it's you, too.

(MARCY REACTS. VANDERGELDER LEANS IN TO MARCY)

VANDERG	Miss Rhoades. Get me a pillow.

MARCY	(TO STEVE) Can you believe this guy? I'm going to die in a blazing furnace and he
	wants a pillow? That fat pig.

(STEVE IS STILL FROZEN)

VANDERG	Miss Rhoades, the speech is still unacceptable. Do it over before we land.

MARCY	(TO VANDERGELDER) You fat pig. I work my fingers to the bone for you. I'm a bank
	manager, damnit, not your handmaiden. But do you appreciate me? No. It's always,
	"Get my coffee.", "Write my speech.", "Here comes my wife, pretend Fluffy's with you."
	Well, I'm sick of it. And I'm sick of you, Vanderdoody. I've done a lot of low things
	for you, but when I meet my maker in a few minutes and he asks if I've done anything
	good, I'll tell him "Yes. I did this."

(SHE SLUGS HIM IN THE FACE)

MARCY	(PROUDLY) I'm ready to die.

STRONG	Well, we seemed to pull out of that one. I'm happy to say we're on our final approach
	to JFK and we'll be landing in ten minutes. I hope you enjoyed your trip.

(MARCY SLUMPS DOWN IN HER SEAT)

STEVE	We're going to live!

MARCY	We can't. (YELLS TOWARDS COCKPIT) You said we were gonna crash. Now you say we're not.
	What kind of pilot are you? (TO STEVE) I'm never flying this airline again.

(VANDERGELDER MOANS GENTLY)

MARCY	Oh, Steve, what have I done? I'm ruined. This is what the gypsy meant. Disaster. The
	end of my career. When they replace his front teeth, I know his first words will be
	"You're fired."

STEVE	I wouldn't worry about it. Play your cards right and you might even get a promotion.

MARCY	I split his lip like a bunny, Steve.

STEVE	Yes, but you know something about Mr. Vandergelder that Mrs. Vandergelder doesn't.

MARCY	What's that?

STEVE	The Fluffster.

(MARCY LOOKS BACK AT FLUFFY. FLUFFY SMILES AND GIVES A LITTLE WAVE. SHE GOES BACK TO FANNING
VANDERGELDER. MARCY LOOKS STRAIGHT AHEAD WITH A BIG SMILE ON HER FACE. WE PAN OVER TO AL AND
PEGGY, STILL BLISSFULLY LISTENING TO MUSIC ON THEIR HEADSETS)

AL	(SINGS TO "I GOT YOU BABE") "I got you to hold my hand"

PEGGY	(SINGS) "I got you to understand"

AL	(SINGS) "I got you to... (MAKING UP WORDS) Nah, nah, nah."

PEGGY	(SINGS) "I got you to nah, nah, nah."

(THEY BOB THEIR HEADS AND NAH A BIT, LOST WITH THE WORDS, THEN)

PEGGY	(BEAT, SINGING) "I got you babe." (BEAT, BEAT, BEAT) "Babe."

AL/PEG	(SINGING) "I got you babe."

(PEGGY LAYS HER HEAD ON AL. AL STARTS TO NOD OFF)

FADE OUT:

END OF ACT TWO