TAPE: 11/11/88
AIR: N/A


Executive Producers: Michael G. Moye and Ron Leavitt
Supervising Producer: Richard Gurman
Producers: Sandy Sprung & Marcy Vosburgh
Associate Producer: Barbara Cramer
Directed By: Gerry Cohen
Written By: Ralph R. Farquhar


CAST

AL BUNDY............ED O'NEILL
PEGGY BUNDY.........KATEY SAGAL
STEVE RHOADES.......DAVID GARRISON
MARCY RHOADES.......AMANDA BEARSE
KELLY BUNDY.........CHRISTINA APPLEGATE
BUD BUNDY...........DAVID FAUSTINO
MATT................BEAU DREMANN
MS. MOUNT...........CYNTHIA SONGE
MR. GROGGS..........CAREY EIDEL
KITTY...............RIA PAUIA
COACH...............GREG WHITE
ANNOUNCER (0.S.)....
BUCK, THE DOG.......MIKE, THE DOG


ACT ONE

SCENE ONE

 FADE IN:
 INT. BUNDY KITCHEN/LIVING ROOM - EVENING
 (PEGGY IS STANDING OVER THE TOASTER WITH A CIGARETTE HANGING FROM HER MOUTH, TONGS IN HAND. AL
 SITS NEARBY AT THE KITCHEN TABLE FINISHING A BURGER. BUCK IS ON THE FLOOR)

PEGGY    Want another burger, Al? They're almost finished.

 (TWO WELL-DONE BURGERS POP UP FROM THE TOASTER. SHE DIGS THEM OUT WITH TONGS)

AL       Oh, you made them just like I like 'em. Dark.

 (THEY KISS)

PEGGY    Come on, Al. It's time for you to do your chores.

 (SHE INDICATES THE GARBAGE)

AL       Wait a second, Peg. We had sex three nights ago. I'm still kind of woozy.

PEGGY    The garbage, Al. The longer of the two jobs.

AL       And the lighter.

 (AL PICKS UP A PLASTIC THRASH BAG OF GARBAGE. IT BREAKS AND GARBAGE POURS OUT OF THE BOTTOM)

PEGGY    A lot like sex. Finished before you started.

AL       That bag was pretty heavy for garbage. (PICKING UP A FORK AND SOME KNIVES FROM THE
         GARBAGE) You threw out our silverware, Peg?

PEGGY    It was dirty, Al.

AL       And yet you keep the kids.

 (KELLY AND BUD ENTER. KELLY IS ADORNED IN A TIGHT MINI-SKIRT AND BUD IS CARRYING A LOAD OF
 BOOKS. KELLY IS OBVIOUSLY UPSET)

KELLY    I can't believe it. I failed.

AL       Which class was it this time?

KELLY    Oh, daddy. I'm not talking about school. Why would I care about that? Mom, I flirted
         with a boy and he paid no attention to me.

PEGGY    (WORRIED) Oh, honey. (SHE GIVES HER A HUG) You can't give up. You've got to keep trying.

BUD      There's nowhere left to go once you've stood in the boys' shower wearing a sign that
         says "Soap".

KELLY    Hey, I play for keeps. (TO PEGGY) It's unbelievable, every time I've wanted a guy I've
         gotten him. I'm famous for it. But this guy won't even look at me. Mom, you've got to
         help me. What did you do in school to get guys?

AL       The same thing she does now to chase them away.

KELLY    Daddy, we're talking.

PEGGY    Just clean up the garbage, Al.

 (PEGGY AND KELLY WALK THROUGH THE TRASH AS THEY HEAD FOR THE LIVING ROOM)

PEGGY    (TO KELLY) A good start is to pretend you have a common interest. What does this guy
         like?

KELLY    Football.

 (THEY SIT ON THE COUCH)

AL       Yeah, everyone wants a football player. I played football.

PEGGY    (TO KELLY) Y'know, football players really aren't that bright. And most of 'em wind up
         doing menial jobs for minimum wage, desperately clinging to their former glory.

 (AL SLINGS THE GARBAGE OVER HIS SHOULDER)

AL       (TO HIMSELF) Yep. They called me "Touchdown" Bundy. I was great.

 (AL EXITS WITH THE GARBAGE)

KELLY    Mom, I've never failed at getting a guy. Once that goes, I'm nothing.

BUD      No, Kell. Once the lips stop saying "Yes" and the eyes stop saying "Duh", then you've
         got nothing.

KELLY    If only it was as easy for me as it is for Bud. A "Penthouse", a night light, and a
         pillow named "Shirley".

PEGGY    One problem at a time, kids. Now, Kelly. Here's what I think you've been doing wrong.
         Stop trying to flirt with him at school. Get this guy alone, with no distractions, get
         him to tell you his secret dreams and hopes, and use them to crush him. The important
         thing is to go after what you want, Kelly. I did.

AL       (O.S.) Peg, I stepped in the garbage and I can't get out!

PEGGY    I'll be right there, Al! (TO KELLY) Just be sure it's really what you want.

 (PEGGY EXITS. KELLY THINKS A BEAT, THEN CROSSES TO BUD IN THE KITCHEN)

KELLY    Hey, "no-life". I need a favor. I want you to help me get this guy.

BUD      What's wrong? The breakaway blouse isn't working?

KELLY    Hey, I'm asking you nice, you little turd. Anyhow, I've got an idea. I checked up on 
         this guy and I know he's not doing too good in English.

BUD      "Well", Kell.

KELLY    Well, what?

BUD      (SIGHS) Okay. So he ain't done good in English. So what?

 (SHE SMILES SMUGLY)


DISSOLVE TO:

ACT ONE

SCENE TWO

 INT. BUNDY LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN - DAY
 (BUD IS TUTORING MATT, A GOOD-LOOKING ATHLETIC SEVENTEEN-YEAR-OLD. MATT LOOKS SOMEWHAT 
 BEWILDERED)

BUD      (TRYING TO BE PATIENT) Okay. Once again, in "Of Mice And Men", the big one was...?

MATT     Lenny.

BUD      Very good. And the little one was...?

MATT     Squiggy?

BUD      (BEAT) Good, good. Well, we've conquered literature. Let's move on to spelling. First
         word... 

 (KELLY ENTERS FROM UPSTAIRS)

BUD      Tramp.

 (SHE ELBOWS BUD AND JERKS HER THUMB UPSTAIRS)

BUD      Well, I think it's time for a break. Listen, Matt, why don't you just run the alphabet
         from A to C like we've been doing.

 (BUD EXITS UPSTAIRS. KELLY SIDLES UP TO MATT)

KELLY    I'm Kelly. Remember? We met it the boys' shower the other day.

MATT     Oh yeah. The soup girl.

KELLY    The soap girl. S - O - P - E. (THEN) You're a football player. I have a football
         question for you.

 (KELLY SHOVES THE BOOKS ONTO THE FLOOR AND WHIPS HER LEG ONTO THE TABLE DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF 
 MATT)

KELLY    I get cramps in my leg... (INDICATING HER THIGH) Right here. You think you can get that
         out?

MATT     (INTERESTED) It may take some time, but I'll do what I can.

 (MATT IS ABOUT TO MASSAGE KELLY'S LEG WHEN AL ENTERS. KELLY QUICKLY JUMPS OFF THE TABLE)

KELLY    (COVERING, BUT NERVOUS) Oh hi, Dad. Dad, I'm Kelly and this is Matt. I'd like you to 
         meet us.

AL       Nice to meet you, Kelly. (TO MATT) So you're the football player. I used to play 
         football. Now I take out the garbage.

KELLY    Daddy, we're studying.

 (AL GRABS A CHAIR AND SITS DOWN NEXT TO MATT)

AL       Yeah. (TO MATT) Remember the Panthers of Sixty-six?

MATT     Yeah, they were the last championship team at our school.

AL       You know who was the fullback on that team? Take a guess?

MATT     Red Grange?

AL       (BEAT) Pretty close. It was me.

MATT     You're Red Grange? (STANDING, SHAKING AL'S HAND) Pleased to meet you, sir!

AL       Yeah, I'm pleased to meet you too. You can call me by my nickname. Al Bundy.

KELLY    Daddy...

AL       What position do you play, son?

MATT     Fullback.

AL       Yeah? Well, we used to go both ways in our day.

MATT     Well, now a lot of guys on the team go both ways. Not me though. I like girls.

KELLY    A-hem. A-hem.

AL       Take something for that, will you, Kell? (TO MATT) Anyhow, we were really great back
         then. Yup. The only undefeated team in Polk history. That's something that'll never
         happen again.

MATT     We're undefeated too.

AL       (WORRIED) How many games you got left to go?

MATT     One. This Saturday. You really ought to come see your record go down the drain, Mr.
         Grange. I can get you good seats.

AL       Did I tell you I, uh, hold the school record for most touchdowns in a season?

MATT     That's amazing, I'm one touchdown away from breaking that record too. (HE STARTS TO
         LAUGH. He PATS AL ON THE LEG) It's a young man's world, y'know.

 (HE LAUGHS. AL MIMES HIS LAUGH, PATS HIM BACK, THEN)

AL       Y'know, I think we have an old football out back. What say you and me go out there and
         you... (EVILLY) ...show me some of your moves.

MATT     Sure. Let's go.

 (THEY CROSS TO THE SLIDING GLASS DOOR)

KELLY    Uh, Matt. Remember my leg.

MATT     I'll look at it later, Kerry.

KELLY    That's Kelly.

 (THEY EXIT)

KELLY    (SADLY) Kelly Grange.

 (BUD ENTERS FROM UPSTAIRS)

BUD      Hey, Kell. Where's Matt?

 (THROUGH THE PATIO DOORS WE SEE MATT RUNNING WITH THE FOOTBALL RIGHT PAST A LUNGING AL)

MATT     That's what we call, "Fake left, go right".

AL       I'm just rusty. Try it again. You little son of a...

KELLY    I can't believe it. I almost had him.

 (WE SEE MATT GET BY AL AGAIN)

AL       Damn!

MATT     That's what we call faking you out of your jock.

AL       The moon was in my eyes. Again.

BUD      Give it up, Kell. You're just not his type.

KELLY    I'm everybody's type. I've made blind men see. I've made dead men weep. When I walk down
         the hall at school, the walls sweat. (PROUDLY) I'm the girl mothers say "Don't go out
         with that girl", but why can't I get this one guy?

BUD      Because all he knows is sports, and all he likes is cheerleaders.

 (IN THE BACKGROUND WE SEE MATT RUNNING PAST THE GLASS DOOR. THEN)

MATT     (O.S.) Oof.

 SFX: BODY HITTING THE GROUND

AL       (O.S.) That's what you call an open hand chop to the Adam's apple.

 (HE LAUGHS EVILLY)

KELLY    Then that's what I'm gonna be. A cheerleader.

BUD      Kelly, I hate to burst your bubble but there's only one game left and the squad is full.
         It's impossible.

KELLY    Impossible, maybe. But it can be done.


DISSOLVE TO:  

ACT ONE

SCENE THREE

 INT. FOOTBALL FIELD - DAY
 (A CHEERLEADER SITS WITH HER HANDS WRAPPED IN HUGE BANDAGES. SHE SITS WITH A BUTCH LOOKING GYM 
 TEACHER, MS. MOUNT AND HER NERDY ASSISTANT, MR. GROGGS)

GROGGS   (TO GIRL) Who could have put poison oak in your pom poms? Damn the luck. (THEN CALLS
         OUT) Next.

 (KELLY BOUNCES IN, WEARING A CHEERLEADER OUTFIT)

KELLY    (WITH FALSE ENTHUSIASM) I'm Kelly Bundy, and the dream of my life is to be a Polk Dot.
         Here is a little cheer I wrote myself. (SHE CURTSIES, THEN CHEERS) P - O - K - E...
         Poke High!

GROGGS   Very good. But it's P-O-L-K. Polk High. You know, after President James K. Polk? (TO
         MOUNT) What do you think, Ms. Mount?

MSMOUNT  (CIGARETTE HANGING FROM HER MOUTH) I like her. I like her a lot.

 (GROGGS WALKS UP TO KELLY)

GROGGS   Congratulations Ms. Bundy, you are now a Polk Dot.

KELLY    I'm so excited.

 (THE OTHER CHEERLEADERS RUSH OVER TO CONGRATULATE HER)

KELLY    (TO GIRLS) Get a life, will ya?


ACT TWO

SCENE ONE

 INT. STADIUM - DAY
 (THE STANDS ARE FILLED. WE SEE MARCY, PEGGY, AL AND STEVE SITTING IN A ROW)

PEGGY    Isn't it a beautiful day, Al?

AL       Yup. Perfect weather to see the only record I'll ever have, nuked in front of my friends
         and family.

STEVE    Oh, buck up, Al. Polk is only up by seven.

AL       They've only been playing for twenty seconds, Steve.

MARCY    That means there's plenty of time left for the other team to win.

AL       Polk can't lose. It's a home game against the school from the rich, white neighborhood.
         Let's face it, my last ounce of pride is just hours from total obliteration. I really
         tried to hurt that kid, you know, Steve.

STEVE    I know, Al. Hey, I've got something to make you feel better. Look at this.

 (STEVE PUTS ON A BASEBALL CAP WITH CLAPPING HANDS ATTACHED)

STEVE    Watch this, Al. Yay, Panthers! (HE PULLS A STRING AND THE HANDS CLAP) Am I a fan or
         what?

AL       I feel so alone.

PEGGY    Oh, Al. Look at our little girl. Y'know, she might not graduate but she's the prettiest
         cheerleader in the school.

 ANGLE ON: CHEERLEADERS
 (THE CHEERLEADERS DO THEIR CHEER, THE CROWD TOTALLY IGNORES THEM)

GIRLS    Poke 'em in, poke 'em out. 
	 Poke 'em, poke 'em in the snout.
	 And if they holler
	 Let them go,
	 Eeny meeny miney mo.
	 P O O O L K HIGH!

 (THE GIRLS ALL JUMP IN THE AIR. KELLY CONTINUES TO CHEER)

KELLY    Gooo, Matt. Commmme here. I'mmm yours. (TO KITTY) Why doesn't Matt ever play with the
         ball over by me? Yoo hoo. Matt. Hey! Don't pat him, pat me.

 (MS. MOUNT COMES OVER, TAKES KELLY BY THE EAR AND TAKES HER AWAY)


DISSOLVE TO:

ACT TWO

SCENE TWO

 INT. STANDS - DAY

PEGGY    Yeah, Kelly! Look at her, Marce. I'm so proud of her. See how she raises her legs higher
         than everyone else?

MARCY    Yes, but the others are standing up.

ANNOUNC  (O.S.) And the point after is good. The score is the James K. Polk Panthers fourteen,
         the Chester A. Arthur Aryans nothing.

 (STEVE IS PULLING HIS HAT STRINGS SO HIS HAT CLAPS WILDLY. AL REACTS)

PEGGY    Oh, Al. Isn't this exciting?

AL       Yeah, Peg. It's like a dream come true to watch myself get buried alive.

PEGGY    Oh, Al, must the fact that your glory days are over drag us all down? I mean after all,
         all, even if your record is broken, you'll still have the record for most consecutive
         days without sex. And no high school kid is gonna break that one.

 SFX: LOUD CHEER
 (EVERYONE CHEERS BUT MARCY)

AL       Y'know, it's amazing. (INDICATES MARCY) The one person who I thought hates me the most,
         is the only one with compassion enough not to cheer.

 (WE SEE MARCY JUST SITTING LOOKING BLANKLY)

MARCY    (V.O., ADMIRING) Look at those young boys. Those tight little buns, squeezed into their
         little uniforms. Spike me, baby. Spike me.

 (SHE ALMOST IMPERCEPTIBLY LICKS HER LIPS)


DISSOLVE TO:

ACT TWO

SCENE THREE

 INT. FIELD - DAY
 (THE GIRLS ARE SHOWING THE WEAR AND TEAR OF THE GAME)

ANNOUNC  And late in the second quarter, the score, Polk fourteen, Chester A. Arthur seven.

KITTY    This is discrimination. The guys on the team have it so easy. A guy gets a little knee
         in the groin and they treat him like a baby. Well, I'm cheering with a bunion and I want
         some attention. (CALLS OUT) Water boy.

 (BUD RUSHES OVER WITH A SPRAY BOTTLE OF WATER. KELLY STOPS HIM)

KELLY    What are you doing here?

BUD      Well, I had a little poison oak left over so I decided to take out the waterboy. Meet
         the new waterboy.

KELLY    You don't even bathe. What do you know about water?

BUD      I know if I spray some on a cheerleader's sweater, you get a cheap thrill.

KITTY    (TESTY) I want water.

 (BUD GOES OVER TO HER. KITTY OPENS HER MOUTH. BUD SQUIRTS SOME WATER IN. A BEAT, THEN HE SPRAYS 
 HER SWEATER TWICE. HE LOOKS AND SMILES)

BUD      (QUESTIONINGLY) Next?

 ANGLE ON: THE BENCH
 (THE TEAM IS HUDDLING BY THE BENCH)

COACH    This game is for the championship! I want a hundred percent! Now, here's the play we're
         gonna run.

 (KELLY COMES OVER)

KELLY    Don't mind me. I'm just here to cheer. G-O GOOO MATT! (TOSSING IT OFF) And the rest of
         you guys too. Matt, did you see me cheering the time you had the ball? How come you
         never run it over by where we are?

COACH    Hey, do you mind?

KELLY    Do I interrupt you when you're speaking?

 (MS. MOUNT TAKES HER BY THE EAR AND TAKES HER AWAY)


DISSOLVE TO:

ACT TWO

SCENE FOUR

 INT. STADIUM - DAY
 (AL LOOKS EVEN MORE WORRIED THEN BEFORE)

ANNOUNC  (O.S.) And we're late in the fourth quarter and Polk is six minutes away from an 
         undefeated season.

AL       I can't take this. (SIGHS) What else can happen to me?

ANNOUNC  (O.S.) Your attention, please. Folks, I've just been told Red Grange is in the audience
         today. Maybe he'll stand up for us.

 (A BEAT, THEN AL STANDS AND WAVES, MEEKLY. THE CROWD CHEERS, HE SITS BACK DOWN. STEVE APPLAUDS
 WILDLY WITH HIS HAT. AL STARES AT HIM)


DISSOLVE TO:

ACT TWO

SCENE FIVE

 INT. FIELD - DAY
 (MS. MOUNT CROSSES TO THE GIRLS)

MSMOUNT  Cheerleader huddle.

 (THE GIRLS HUDDLE UP)

MSMOUNT  Alright, alright, we're up but it's close and the guys really need your support. Men
         always need a woman's support. But what do they give us? Nothing we can use. That's why
         we must treasure these moments together. By the way, tonight will be the traditional
         year end slumber party at my place. We'll get in our babydolls and give each other crew
         cuts. You Seniors know what I mean. Alright, now get out there and shake your dots for
         Polk High. (TO KELLY) I like you. I like you a lot.

 (KELLY REACTS)


DISSOLVE TO:

ACT TWO

SCENE SIX

 INT. STADIUM - DAY

ANNOUNC  (O.S.) Matt Young has the ball. He cuts right. He's running down the sidelines.

KELLY    (WAVING HER PHONE NUMBER) Matt, Matt! Yoo hoo!

ANNOUNC  (O.S.) And he cuts left!

 (KELLY MOANS)


DISSOLVE TO:

ACT TWO

SCENE SEVEN

 INT. STADIUM - DAY
 (THE GIRLS ARE DOING A CHEER AS KELLY STANDS ALONG THE SIDELINES HOLDING A SIGN THAT SAYS "MATT, 
 CALL ME, I'M YOURS 555-2878". THEY RUN BY. SHE'S DISAPPOINTED)


DISSOLVE TO:

ACT TWO

SCENE EIGHT

 INT. STADIUM - DAY

KELLY    Bud, quick. Here he comes. Spray me.

 (BUD SPRAYS HER IN THE FACE WITH WATER. SHE REACTS. BUD WALKS OFF PROUDLY)


DISSOLVE TO:

ACT TWO

SCENE NINE

 INT. STADIUM - DAY
 (THE CAMERA PANS ACROSS THE STANDS, FIRST WE SEE MARCY)

MARCY    (V.O.) Oh, so young, so young. Hey, number twenty-one. If you got the place, I'll do the
         time. (BEAT) Oh, yeah.

 (WE SEE PEGGY)

PEGGY    (V.O.) Poor Al. He's having such a miserable day. Gee, I hope he doesn't realize this
         jacket cost two hundred dollars.

 (WE SEE AL)

AL       (V.O.) My record is going to Hell. No one will remember me, and my wife is wearing a two
         hundred dollar jacket.

STEVE    (V.O.) I think if I stay in fourth gear a little longer I can really increase my miles
         per gallon. Oh, man, I'll tell Marcy on the way home. It'll really turn her on.

ANNOUNC  (O.S.) It's Polk with the ball. They're up twenty-one to fourteen with twenty seconds to
         go. They can just run the clock out from here. There's the snap. Parsons goes up the 
         middle. The ball pops loose! It lands in the hands of an Aryan. He's lumbering into the
         end zone. Score!

 (THE CROWD REACTS. AL GOES WILD)

AL       Yes!

ANNOUNC  (O.S.) It's now Polk twenty-one, Chester A. Arthur, twenty. They're going for the win
         with a two point conversion.

AL       (LOOKING UP) Please. Let me have this one. I haven't asked you for much. (LOOKS AT
         PEGGY) You haven't given me much. You owe me. C'mon, Aryans.

ANNOUNC  (O.S.) Rommel fades back to pass, he spots Himmler open in the end zone. He's got it!
         The Aryans take the lead twenty-two-twenty-one, with ten seconds to go in the game.

 (AL IS GOING WILD. HE CLAPS STEVE'S HAT. PEGGY LOOKS AT AL)

PEGGY    (V.O.) Oh, God. Now I'm gonna have to hear about his record for the rest of my life. (TO
         AL) I'm so happy for you honey.


CUT TO:

ACT TWO

SCENE TEN

 INT. FIELD - DAY
 (KELLY IS STANDING WITH BUD)

KELLY    (SADLY) I can't believe this. The last play of the last game. I did all this and he
         didn't notice me. And he never will.


CUT TO:

ACT TWO

SCENE ELEVEN

 INT. STADIUM - DAY
 (AL LOOKS HAPPY. HE TAKES OUT A CIGAR, AND LIGHTS IT)

AL       I'm goin' to Disneyland.

STEVE    There's still ten seconds left. Anything can happen.

AL       (COCKY) Steve, you know my life. You know I don't have long to live. But at least my
         epitaph will read, "The Redhead killed him, but his record still stands." The only way 
         Polk can win is running back the kickoff for a touchdown. It's impossible.

ANNOUNC  (O.S.) There's the kickoff. Matt Young takes it deep in his own end zone.

 (AL LAUGHS EVILLY. HE PUFFS HIS CIGAR)

ANNOUNC  He's at the ten, he's hit, but he breaks a tackle, and cuts left, and heads upfield.

 (AL REACTS. HIS MOUTH HANGS OPEN, THE CIGAR DROPS OUT)

ANNOUNC  He's at the twenty. The thirty. He cuts right. He could go all the way.

AL       No. No. Somebody stop him. Anybody.


CUT TO:

ACT TWO

SCENE TWELVE

 INT. FIELD - DAY

KELLY    That's my sideline. Here he comes.

 (KELLY IS WAVING)

KELLY    Matt! ... Over here!

ANNOUNC  (O.S.) He's at mid-field, all alone. He's gonna do it. Nobody can catch him!

KELLY    I'll be damned.

 (KELLY DIVES ONTO THE FIELD AND TACKLES MATT AS HE RUNS BY)
 SFX: GUN

ANNOUNC  (O.S.) And there's the gun. It's over. The Aryans win.

 (KELLY STUFFS HER PHONE NUMBER IN MATT'S FACE MASK)

KELLY    (SWEETLY) Now that you have a second, here's my number. Call me.

 (SHE SMILES AT HIM. THE ARYAN PLAYERS CELEBRATE IN THE BACKGROUND)


DISSOLVE TO:

ACT TWO

SCENE THIRTEEN

 INT. BUNDY LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN - DAY
 (AL IS SITTING ON THE COUCH HOLDING A FOOTBALL. PEGGY HANGS UP THE PHONE AND CROSSES TO AL)

PEGGY    Well, that was the principal. All present and future Bundys are banned from all Polk
         sporting events. That includes chess, Al. You have to talk to her and explain that what 
         she did was wrong and disgraced the whole family, which is not an easy thing to do.

AL       I'll handle it, Peg.

 (PEGGY EXITS. A BEAT, THEN KELLY ENTERS)

KELLY    Hi, Daddy.

AL       Kelly, sit down.

 (SHE SITS NEXT TO HIM ON THE COUCH)

AL       Kelly. (PUTS HIS ARM AROUND HER) You're the greatest. I was real proud of you out there.
         A guy couldn't ask for a better little girl.

 (HE LEANS BACK SATISFIED, DURING THE FOLLOWING HE'S IN HIS OWN WORLD, SPINNING THE BALL IN HIS
 HANDS)

KELLY    Listen, Daddy. While I was out with Matt, who's a human sleeping pill, by the way -- I
         met some guy -- Johnny Oxen. He's really cool. Anyway, he wants me to take a picture for
         his rock band's album cover. I'll be like nude, but don't get excited 'cause they don't
         actually have a record contract yet. And anyway, no one'll recognize me 'cause I'll be 
         wearing a pig's head. Do you mind?

 (NOT EVEN HEARING HER, HE FONDLES HIS FOOTBALL)

AL       Anything you want.

 (HE TOSSES THE BALL IN THE AIR AND SMILES. FREEZE FRAME ON AL, THE BALL MID-AIR, AS WE:)

FADE OUT:

END OF ACT TWO