Executive Producers
Ron Leavitt
and
Michael G. Moye

Supervising Producers
Katherine Green
and
Richard Gurman

Associate Producer
Barbara Cramer

Directed By
Linda Day

Written By
Marcy Vosburgh
&
Sandy Sprung


ACT ONE

SCENE ONE

FADE IN:

INT. BUNDY LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN - THURSDAY EVENING

(THE ROOM IS EMPTY. AL ENTERS THROUGH FRONT DOOR AND FLINGS HIS COAT ON THE HOOK)

AL      Peg! Kids! Time to torture me, I'm home. Let's hear the pitter patter of little feet, the
        thrusting of greedy little hands.

(NO ANSWER. HE CROSSES TO KITCHEN AND SEES A NOTE ON REFRIGERATOR AND READS)

AL      "Dear Al. The kids are spending the night someplace. I'm going out for a few hours.
        Peggy. P.S. Dinner's on the table."

(AL SEES A GLASS OF TANG ON THE TABLE, PUTS THE GLASS IN THE REFRIGERATOR AND TAKES A BEER)

AL      I'm a Buh Buh Buh Bud man, and a Ca - Ca - Ca - Cub fan.

(HE CROSSES TO SOFA, SITS AND PICKS UP REMOTE CONTROL. HE LEANS BACK)

AL      Ahh. Got the house to myself. It's like I died and went to...

PEGGY   Hi, Al.

AL      Hell.

PEGGY   How was your day?

AL      The best. Today will go down as the day nothing went wrong.

(PEG SITS NEXT TO HIM)

AL      I caught all the green lights to and from work.

(PEGGY IS IMPRESSED)

AL      Then I heard three good songs on the oldie station before "Sukiyaki" came on. But even
        that didn't bother me 'cause I was going through an underpass. Then I got a great parking 
        space at work. But best of all, this fat woman came in the store, and yelled at me. Then
        she went out and fell right on her ass.

(LEANS BACK AND SIGHS)

AL      The way I figure it, instead of having good stuff happen to me in little bits through the
        year, it was all packed into one day. And tonight... the Cubs, and you're going out.

PEGGY   No I'm not. We were going to have a tupperware party at Mrs. Zimmerman's, but the store
        was out of X-rated tapes so I came home.

AL      Well, I'll chip in for gas if you want to try some stores in Milwalkee.

PEGGY   Well, you know, since the kids are both gone, I thought maybe we could fool around.

AL      Peg, if we do that now, your birthday just won't be special.

PEGGY   Aww, come on, Al.

AL      I gotta say "no." But here's an idea -- get me some chips.

PEGGY   I gotta say "no." How 'bout this. Sex for potato chips.

AL      No sex. I'll give you five bucks.

PEGGY   What the hell. The five'll last longer than the sex, anyhow.

(HE HOLDS UP A BILL. PEGGY TAKES IT AND GETS HIM SOME CHIPS)

AL      Listen, I'm going to sit here and watch the game. As long as you're home you're welcome
        to watch it with me. But do it on the TV upstairs.

(PEGGY GIVES HIM THE CHIPS)

PEGGY   Skooch over, Al.

(AL MAKES ROOM, SHE SITS)

AL      Oh, why not? Nothing can ruin this day. I even paid all our bills and we're not a penny
        in the red.

(PEGGY GETS SOME BILLS FROM THE CRACK IN THE COUCH)

PEGGY   That's great, Al. Here's my shopping bills from the last two months.

AL      Why now?

PEGGY   I wanted to wait until you were in a good mood.

(SHE PATS HIS THIGH, AFFECTIONATELY)

AL      (READS BILL AND GRIMACES. BEAT) Ah, well. So what. I got my beer. I got my game. I got my
        gal... (HE LOOKS AT PEGGY) Oh, well, at least the kids are gone.

(BUD ENTERS)

AL      I thought you were spending the night somewhere.

BUD     I was, but Robby's mom came home in a bad mood. She said something about no movies, no
        tupperware. Then she dragged her husband upstairs. He was weeping, Mom.

(HE CROSSES TO THE REFRIGERATOR. HE LOOKS INSIDE)

BUD     We got anything to eat?

PEGGY   There are some tang pops in the freezer.

BUD     Gee, the pops that went to the moon? No, thanks. Skooch over. What's on TV?

AL      Escape.

(BUD SITS ON SOFA. A BEAT, THEN KELLY ENTERS)

KELLY   Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.

AL      I thought you were spending the night out.

KELLY   I did. Skooch over.

(SHE SITS ON THE COUCH)

KELLY   Guess what. You know Billy's dad? The one you call the "No-good bum"? He just won a
        Porsche for being the fifteenth caller on the radio. Isn't that great?

BUD     Hey, that's the third Porsche on the block. I can't believe our neighborhood. Porsche,
        Porsche. (INDICATES AL) Dodge, Porsche.

AL      Yeah. Well, we also have wage earners, wage earners, (INDICATES FAMILY) leeches, wage
        earners.

PEGGY   (CONDESCENDING) Kids, I think it's time to thank your daddy for bringing home minimum
        wage.

KELLY   Thanks, Dad.
BUD     Thanks, Dad.

AL      Yep. I had a life, once. Anymore good news?

BUD     Well, we learned in school today that by the time you retire, social security won't be
        there anymore.

KELLY   You're not gonna come live with us, are you, Dad?

AL      Have I told you today I love you.

BUD     No, Dad.

AL      (FATHERLY) Think about that while you go upstairs.

(BUD AND KELLY GO UPSTAIRS)

SFX: DOORBELL

AL      Don't answer that, Peg.

PEGGY   Gee, you're in a terrible mood for someone who's having a great day.

(PEGGY CROSSES TO THE DOOR. PEGGY OPENS THE DOOR TO MARCY AND STEVE, WHO CARRY BROCHURES)

STEVE   Hi! Hey, Al. Ask me what happened today. Go on, ask me how I'm doing.

(AL GLARES)

STEVE   Peg, ask me how I'm doing.

PEGGY   How're you doing?

STEVE   You're looking at the new manager of the leading bank of Chicago.

MARCY   Steve got promoted!

PEGGY   Congratulations! Al, did you hear that? Steve got promoted.

AL      Great. What grade you in?

STEVE   Oh, Al. (TO PEGGY) Y'know, when Marcy landed that spot at Kyoto National, her job at our
        bank opened up.

MARCY   Steve's going to be making a lot more money, now.

STEVE   (PROUDLY) Guess what's under my arm?

AL      Nair burn?

STEVE   (BEAT, THEN POINTEDLY) A lot more money, Al. Anyhow, I brought some brochures. I'm
        going to buy a new car. You know, it's funny, Al. If I'd known I was going to be making
        this much money I never would have moved into this neighborhood. 

(AL SLUGS BACK HIS BEER)

AL      (MUTTERS) I heard three good songs on the radio today. In a row.

STEVE   The oldies station? Did you hear "Sukiyaki"? God, I love that song.

(AL REACTS)

MARCY   I'm so proud of my man.

PEGGY   (LEADING HER TO THE KITCHEN) Come and tell me what it's like, Marce.

STEVE   (SHOWING BROCHURES) Al, you know about cars. I've narrowed it down to the Volvo, the Baby 
        Benz or the BMW three series. Which would you get if you had any money at all?

AL      Well, the BMW is a driver's car. But if you should happen to drive into a wall, the Benz 
        has air bags. So I'd go for the BMW.

STEVE   What's the matter, Al. Bad day?

AL      Nope, 'cause I'm watching the Cubs game.

(AL TURNS ON TV)

SFX: TV ON

AL      Yep, I'm watching them pull the tarp over the field.

TV ANN  (O.S.) And the game is called due to rain. Stay tuned for "Gilligan's Island."

STEVE   Hey. I hope it's the one where Gilligan finds the treasure chest.

(AL REACTS AND TURNS OFF TV)

SFX: TV OFF

ANGLE ON: MARCY AND PEGGY SIPPING COFFEE

MARCY   Well, it's kind of hard to describe. Y'know, it's the feeling of being happy to be
        married to him. Admiring him. Looking forward to him coming home.

PEGGY   (FASCINATED) Huh.

(MARCY LOOKS OVER AT AL)

MARCY   Oh, come on, Peggy. There must be something that Al does that makes you proud.

PEGGY   Well, you're right. (FONDLY) I remember, when Al was young, we'd go for rides in the
        country, you're not gonna believe this, but he could spit out the window without getting
        any on the car.

MARCY   (DISGUSTED) Then, you understand what I'm talking about.

STEVE   I can't decide what color to get. I'm leaning towards black. That'll attract the chicks.

(PEGGY AND MARCY CROSS TO THE COUCH. STEVE NOTICES MARCY)

STEVE   Let 'em see what they can't have.

(STEVE AND MARCY KISS. AL SHUDDERS)

STEVE   Listen, Al. Marcy's going out of town this weekend. Her mother's thinking of remarrying, 
        and Marcy's driving up to run a quick credit check. Could you give me a lift home from
        work?

AL      You don't want to get in my car. It's American. It's paid for. And it's five bucks a
        ride.

STEVE   (TO MARCY) Gee, do they make bills that small? (A LITTLE LAUGH, THEN TO AL) Five bucks?
        Well, you got it buddy. Here you go. (GIVES HIM MONEY) Catch a movie. Come on, Marce,
        let's go buy something.

(MARCY LOOKS AT HIM ADORINGLY) I love it when you talk spending to me.

AL      What am I gonna do with five dollars?

PEGGY   Want another beer?

AL      Nope. I'm saving for a pretzel. I can't believe this. It's like everyone in the world is
        making money.

PEGGY   Aw, honey, that's not true. You're not.

AL      You're my rock, Peg.

PEGGY   And you're my albatross, honey. Look, Al. You're still a young man. (SHE ROLLS HER EYES
        WITH THE LIE) There will be plenty of chances for you to make it big. 

(SHE LOOKS AT HIM, AND ROLLS HER EYES AGAIN)

AL      That's sweet of you, Peg. A fella couldn't ask for a better wife. (AL ROLLS HIS EYES) The 
        truth is, I feel like I've let you down somehow.

PEGGY   Well, you have, Al. But you do the best you can.

AL      It's just that when I was young, I told myself that by the time I was in my thirties I'd
        be a rich man, with a beautiful woman by my side. (HE LOOKS AT HER, THEN) I guess I have
        to face it. Neither of those things are ever gonna happen.

(PEGGY REACTS)

AL      Y'know, I didn't just want the money for myself. Wouldn't it be great to be rich? We
        could do what we want, go where we want...

PEGGY   And the kids?

AL      It's a dream, Peg. We don't have kids.

(SHE SNUGGLES HIM A BEAT)

PEGGY   Don't feel bad, Al, we can afford what we need. And you know what I'm going to do? Get
        you a pretzel for five dollars.

(SHE TAKES THE FIVE AND HEADS FOR THE KITCHEN)


DISSOLVE TO:

ACT ONE

SCENE TWO

INT. LEADING BANK OF CHICAGO - FRIDAY EVENING

(MOST OF THE LIGHTS ARE OFF. THE PLACE IS EMPTY EXCEPT FOR STEVE, WHO SHUFFLES PAPERS AND A GUARD 
 WHO SLEEPS IN A CHAIR. AL APPEARS AT THE DOOR AND KNOCKS)

STEVE   (TO GUARD) It's okay, Wyatt. I've got it.

(STEVE LETS AL IN AND RE-LOCKS THE DOOR)

STEVE   Hi, Al. I'll be right with you. (SHOWS AL BROCHURE) Look, the new Cadillac. But don't
        think of it as a Cadillac, think of it as an Alante.

(AL IGNORES HIM AND LOOKS AROUND)

STEVE   Y'know, I got to thinking about what you were saying about American cars, and... Oh, who
        am I kidding? I'm getting a Benz.

AL      (IN HIS OWN WORLD) I've never been in a bank that was closed before.

STEVE   Not many people have, Al. You may be the first shoe salesman. I love it. Nobody here but
        me.

(THE GUARD SNORES)

STEVE   And of course the guard. This is my favorite time. And my favorite place. Some people
        like Hawaii at sunset. Me, give me a bank after hours. It's the Catherdral of Capitalism.
        Can you hear it, Al? It's the sound of interest accruing. Well, I'll be with you in a
        second. Just a few last minute managerial duties. (MOVING TO COUNTER) Tomorrow is a
        really busy day. So I've got to put all these "Next window please" signs 'cause we're
        only going to have two tellers working. And I've got one more loan to approve.

AL      (IMPATIENT) Come on, Steve.

STEVE   It won't take long. It's mine. (HE STAMPS A FORM) Yes! I've just got a few more things to
        finish up.

(AL WANDERS AND DISAPPEARS)

STEVE   Bassinger left his finger stickem open. That's coming out of his salary. I hate tellers.
        Okay, I'm ready, Al. Al?

AL      (O.S.) I'm in the vault.

STEVE   Oh. (PANIC) The vault!! (LEAPS OVER SLEEPING GUARD) It's okay, Wyatt, I know him.


CUT TO:

ACT ONE

SCENE THREE

INT. VAULT - CONTINUOUS

(STEVE RUSHES IN. AL HAS HIS BACK TO HIM)

STEVE   Al, are you crazy? This is a federal offense!

AL      I was just lookin'. Okay, I'm ready to go.

(AL TURNS AND HE HAS MONEY STUFFED IN HIS SHIRT AND POCKETS. IT'S COMING OUT EVERYWHERE. STEVE
 YELPS IN HORROR. STEVE PULLS MONEY OUT OF AL'S SHIRT)

STEVE   Al, you can't touch this. This is money. If Wyatt ever woke up and saw this, he'd pass
        out.

AL      Come on, Steve, relax. You can't tell me you don't play in here.

STEVE   I'm not allowed in here!

AL      Well, let me show you around. This is money. Money, this is Steve. (FLIPPING THROUGH A
        WAD OF BILLS) Come on, fondle some fifties.

STEVE   Al, I just got the job. I'm getting a Mercedes. How would you like it if I came to your
        store after it was closed and played with your pumps?

AL      Come on, Steve. I've never been around this much money before. And I probably never will. 
        Indulge me.

STEVE   No.

(AL WAVES MONEY IN FRONT OF STEVE's FACE)

AL      Smell it, Steve. Smell it, and dream with me.

STEVE   Put it down, Al.

AL      Look at it, Steve. Look at it all. What's it gonna hurt, if one minute, we pretend that
        it's ours?

STEVE   Okay. Put it down, and just look at it. Just for a minute. But look, don't touch. I mean
        it, Al.


FLIP TO:

ACT ONE

SCENE FOUR

INT. BANK VAULT - LATER THAT FRIDAY NIGHT

(AL AND STEVE ARE PLAYING CARDS WITH PILES OF MONEY ON THE TABLE)

STEVE   I'll see your five hundred thousand and raise you this gold bar.

(WITH CONSIDERABLE EFFORT, STEVE LIFTS GOLD BAR TO TABLE. AL LOOKS AT HIM CRAFTILY, A BEAT. THEN
 HE TOSSES IN SOME CASH)

AL      I call.

(HE LAYS OUT HIS CARDS)

AL      Read 'em and weep. Jack high.

(STEVE LAYS OUT HIS CARDS)

STEVE   Deuces, Al. Two of 'em.

(HE GLEEFULLY RAKES IN THE POT)

AL      Hey, Steve. Indian poker for this guy's mortage.

(STEVE RESTS HIS HEAD ON HIS GOLD BAR AND NUZZLES IT)

STEVE   I don't feel like it, Al. 

(HE CARESSES THE BAR)

STEVE   Is it unnatural for me to be horny, Al?

AL      Not at all, Steve. Money is love. (MEASURING OUT PILES OF MONEY) This is a car.
        (ANOTHER PILE) This is a house. (PUTS OUT BIGGER PILE) And this is a blonde.

STEVE   Hey, Al. Look at these bonds. 

(STEVE GETS A BOND)

STEVE   This little piece of paper is worth one hundred thousand dollars.

(AL WHISTLES)

AL      Steve, I'm just going to throw something at you. What say I pull my car around back, we
        load her up and head for Canada where the dollar means something. In ten years we can
        send for the girls.

STEVE   I can't.

AL      Why?

STEVE   I don't exactly know.

AL      Come on, they sell BMW's in Canada. Big ones. And they come with hookers. Dressed like
        college girls. Get some bags, and I'll make room in the trunk.

STEVE   Can my gold bar ride in the front with us?

AL      Of course it can.

STEVE   Look, Wyatt has a station wagon. I'll lift his keys and you... wait a second. We can't do 
        this. Al, this is insane. It's wrong. It's illegal. (REMEMBERING) That's it. It's
        illegal.

AL      In a few years it may not be. They gave amnesty for the draft evaders that went to
        Canada. Do bank thieves deserve any less?

STEVE   Al, the moment's passed, we've had our fun. Let's go home.

AL      All right. All right. It's all coming back to me. Ungrateful redhead, two rotten kids.
        Yeah, I'm back. I know we can't do it. But it's a beautiful memory. I wish I had a
        picture, so I could tell my grandchildren I had all this money, but their grandmother
        spent it all.

STEVE   Hey, we've got cameras. We give them away to depositors. I'll go get one.

(STEVE EXITS)


CUT TO:

ACT ONE

SCENE FIVE

INT. BANK - CONTINUOUS

(STEVE ENTERS. WYATT SLEEPS. HE LAYS IN A FETAL POSITION. STEVE TRIES TO OPEN A DRAWER BUT IT'S
 LOCKED. HE SIGHS, THEN GOES BACK TO THE VAULT)


CUT TO:

ACT ONE

SCENE SIX

INT. VAULT - CONTINUOUS

(STEVE ENTERS)

STEVE   They're locked up, Al. I guess I can't blame 'em. Those are expensive cameras. Let's go,
        Buddy.

(THEY SIGH, TAKE A LAST LOOK AROUND, SIGH AGAIN, AND EXIT)


DISSOLVE TO:

ACT ONE

SCENE SEVEN

(INT. BUNDY LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN - SATURDAY DAY)

(AL, PEGGY, KELLY AND BUD ARE AT THE KITCHEN TABLE)

PEGGY   I think we should all be very proud of Daddy, kids. He cost us the only chance we'll ever
        have of happiness.

KELLY   I'll tell you this much. The man I marry would have taken that money.

BUD     Hey, leave Dad alone. Don't you think he knows he made the biggest mistake of all our
        lives?

AL      As I told Steve, it's illegal and wrong and I'll have no part of it.

PEGGY   Al, tell me. When you were in there with all that money, what did you think about?

AL      Well, I was thinkin' that if I did take it, you and me and the kids would drive to Canada
        and live the life we deserve.

PEGGY   Awww, honey.

AL      (MODESTLY) I know. I know.

(STEVE BLASTS IN THE FRONT DOOR)

STEVE   All right, Al. There's a million dollars missing. Where is it?

BUD     Way to go, Dad!

PEGGY   (FINALLY PROUD) Oh, Al!

(PEGGY HUGS AL. THE KIDS HUG EACH OTHER HAPPILY)

FADE OUT:

END OF ACT ONE


ACT TWO

SCENE ONE

FADE IN:

INT. BUNDY LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS

(PEGGY SITS BACK DREAMILY. BUD KISSES AL'S HAND. KELLY WEEPS GENTLY WITH JOY)

KELLY   I can have everything I want. I love my Daddy.

PEGGY   We all do, dear.

STEVE   Al, you are scum.

BUD     But he can buy and sell you, buddy.

AL      C'mon, Steve. You know I didn't take it. How could I have carried out a million dollars?

STEVE   Those security bonds. Ten stinking pieces of paper. You could have put them anywhere
        while I was out of the vault.

BUD     Security bonds. Brilliant, Dad.

PEGGY   They're good in Canada, aren't they, Al?

KELLY   (MAKING A LIST) Cashmere sweater. CD player. A bodyguard...

STEVE   Listen, Al. Monday morning when they check the duty roster, one word will come down from
        above -- "Rhoades!" And I'll have one for them -- "Bundy."

AL      Steve, I'm telling you I don't have it.

STEVE   Al, we're talking twenty to fifty with chain saw killers. And don't think I'm serving
        time alone, bunkie. If I'm playing in the showers with maniacs, you're gonna be passing
        the soap. 

AL      I didn't take it.

(BUD IS ON THE PHONE)

BUD     Hello, United? I'd like three first class tickets to the Riviera. Hold on. Kell, are you
        coming?

KELLY   Of course.

BUD     (INTO PHONE) Yes, and some extra baggage. How will I be paying? Security bonds.

STEVE   (COMPOSING HIMSELF) Tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to go home, drink moderately
        and pass out. And when I come to, you're going to give the money back. Because I believe
        deep down, you're an honest man. So here I go, walking out the door, to leave you alone
        with your conscience. Peggy, I'm depending on you to make him do the right thing.

PEGGY   Steve, if Al says he didn't take it, he didn't take it.

(STEVE EXITS)

PEGGY   (TO AL) God, I love you. (SHE WRAPS HERSELF AROUND AL) Sure I have a man who shows me no 
        affection and has a go nowhere job. (TEARING UP) But now Daddy's taking care of our
        family.

AL      Peg. Listen to me for once in your life. I don't have the money.

PEGGY   (TURNING ON HIM) Don't think you're holding out on me, Al. I've made your breakfasts.
        I've had your children. I've gone to the bathroom after you. I've earned that money as
        much as if I'd taken it myself. It's half mine, Al. Unless you go to prison. Then it's
        all mine. (SWEETLY) Where is it, snookie?

AL      Don't know.

PEGGY   (PATS HIS LEG) Okay, honey. I believe you.


FLIP TO:

ACT TWO

SCENE TWO

INT. BUNDY LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN - SUNDAY MORNING

(PEGGY, KELLY AND BUD ARE ON THE COUCH. SUITCASES ARE BY THE FRONT DOOR. WE HEAR THE TINKLE OF A
 BELL. AL ENTERS FROM UPSTAIRS. HE WEARS HIS PAJAMAS AND A ROBE, AND A LITTLE BELL AROUND HIS BIG
 TOE)

AL      Does someone not trust me?

(THEY ALL RAISE THEIR HANDS. AL SLIPS THE BELL OFF HIS TOE. HE CROSSES TO THE SLIDING GLASS
 DOORS)

AL      I'm getting kind of sick of this.

(HE OPENS THE DRAPES, WE SEE STEVE OUTSIDE, SITTING ON A LAWN CHAIR, HIS ARMS FOLDED. AL REACTS.
 HE STARTS UPSTAIRS)

PEGGY   Where are you going?

AL      To get dressed and get a paper.

PEGGY   Not alone, you're not.

AL      Fine. Bud can go with me.

BUD     (SOTTO TO AL) Smart move, Dad, leaving the women behind. I'll get the toothbrushes. We'll 
        buy what we need in Cancun. Oh, the times we'll have. (IN NORMAL VOICE) Be right back,
        Mom.

AL      Look, forget the paper. Just make me some breakfast.

PEGGY   Why should I fix breakfast for a man who won't share?

AL      (BEAT, THEN CRAFTILY) Okay, Peg. But I'll tell you this. If a guy actually did have a
        million dollars, he sure wouldn't share it with someone who wouldn't fix him breakfast.


FLIP TO:

ACT TWO

SCENE THREE

INT. BUNDY KITCHEN/LIVINGROOM - SUNDAY MORNING

(AL SITS AT THE FEAST LADEN TABLE, EATING, WHILE PEGGY SERVES HIM EGGS, KELLY SQUEEZES ORANGES
 WITH HER BARE HANDS, AND BUD BUTTERS HIS TOAST. THEY SERVE HIM, THEN HOVER OVER HIM, AWAITING
 ORDERS)

AL      It isn't golden brown enough.

(THEY FRANTICALLY REMOVE HIS TOAST AND POP MORE INTO THE TOASTER)

BUD     It was Kelly's fault, Dad. Take it out of her cut.

KELLY   (QUICKLY, TO AL) Taste your coffee, Dad. Bud made it. I know it's wrong.

PEGGY   Don't badger your father, kids. Juice, Al?

AL      (MAGNANIMOUS) Why not?

PEGGY   I squeezed it myself.

(KELLY REACTS)

PEGGY   (SERVING HIM) Tell us again about Rio, honey.

AL      Okay, we'll all be there laying in the sun... (NOTICES SOMETHING IN THE ORANGE JUICE)
        Pulp.

(HE HANDS HER THE GLASS. SHE HANDS IT TO KELLY)

AL      The palm trees will be swaying in the breeze and the cabana boys...

(PEGGY SHUDDERS WITH DELIGHT)

AL      They live to serve you.

PEGGY   (IMPATIENTLY) Kelly move it with Daddy's juice.

(SHE SMILES AT AL)


DISSOLVE TO:

ACT TWO

SCENE FOUR

INT. BUNDY LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN - A SHORT TIME LATER

(AL LIES ON HIS STOMACH EATING CHOCOLATES WHILE PEGGY MASSAGES HIS BACK)

AL      And the surfer boys in their tiny little bathing suits will be riding the waves...

(PEGGY MASSAGES HIM HARDER)


DISSOLVE TO:

ACT TWO

SCENE FIVE

INT. BUNDY KITCHEN/LIVING ROOM - THE NEXT DAY - MONDAY

(AL SITS AT A FOOD LADEN TABLE AS PEGGY COOKS. SHE SERVES HIM A GIANT STACK OF PANCAKES)

PEGGY   Would you like another rubdown with your breakfast, Al?

(HE STARES AT THE PANCAKES)

AL      Peg, I'm raw, I'm full, and I don't have the money.

SFX: DOORBELL

PEGGY   Forget it, Al. I'm rich and I want to hear it.

(PEGGY ANSWERS DOOR TO A VERY DEPRESSED STEVE, WEARING THE SAME CLOTHES HE HAD ON THE DAY BEFORE. 
 HE'S DISHEVELLED)

STEVE   Well, it's Monday. Right about now they should discover there's a million dollars
        missing. They think back. "Let's see, who was the last person in the bank Saturday? Who
        had the opportunity? Why, it was Rhoades. No wonder he called in sick today. Well, let's
        turn down his car loan and give him twenty years to life." Of course, I'll turn you in.
        And as soon as we're both behind bars, I'm going to kill you. And if I can't do it
        myself, I'll make sure my boyfriend is bigger than yours.

PEGGY   (TO AL) Don't let him scare you, honey. You can do twenty years standing on your head.

STEVE   (TO AL) You obviously don't understand what it's like in prison.

AL      Sure, I do. It's like this, only with hot meals.

STEVE   Well, I like my home life, Al. Nice welcome home present for Marcy. What's she going to
        think when I don't show up for dinner for the next twenty years to life.

SFX: DOORBELL

STEVE   That's the long arm of the law.

(AL LOOKS OUT THE WINDOW)

AL      No. It's the frog legs of your wife.

(HE OPENS THE DOOR TO MARCY)

MARCY   Hi. (TO STEVE) Hi, Steve. I missed you so.

STEVE   You'll be missing me more soon. 

(HE HUGS HER)

MARCY   Are you feeling okay, Steve? I went to your bank when I got back to town and they said
        you were sick.

STEVE   Did they happen to mention anything else about me?

MARCY   Well... no, Steve. But you're going to love this. Your bank lost a million dollars!

(MARCY LAUGHS UPROARIOUSLY. STEVE MANAGES A WEAK CHUCKLE)

MARCY   I get another job and things just fall apart. How do you lose a million dollars?

(STEVE SHRUGS AND GIVES A LITTLE NERVOUS LAUGH)

MARCY   It's a good think I stopped by. It was just a simple little computer error. I'm sure you
        would have caught it if you were there.

STEVE   (WEEPING GENTLY) Yes. Yes. I would have. I just haven't been well.

(AL GLARES AT STEVE)

MARCY   The funniest thing is, with that computer goof somebody really could have taken a million
        dollars and they probably never would have caught it!

(AL GLARES HARDER AT STEVE. PEGGY GLARES AT AL)

STEVE   Well, Al. I guess I owe you an apology. (BEAT) So what do you think? A Benz or a BMW?

MARCY   Come on, Steve. Let's go home.

(THEY START OUT)

MARCY   Steve, why do you have a duffle bag full of Camel cigarettes by our front door?

STEVE   Halloween's coming.

(THEY EXIT)

PEGGY   We don't have a million dollars, Al?

AL      I've been telling you that for the last two days.

PEGGY   You know I never listen to you.

AL      It would've been nice though, wouldn't it? I mean we coulda had anything we wanted.

PEGGY   Oh, I really don't need anything.

SFX: DOORBELL

PEGGY   Well, I'm going upstairs now.

(PEGGY EXITS UPSTAIRS QUICKLY. SUSPICIOUSLY, AL OPENS THE DOOR TO A DELIVERY MAN WITH A CLIPBOARD 
 AND A SET OF KEYS)

D.MAN   Mr. Bundy. Here's the key to your new pink Cadillac your wife ordered. It wasn't easy but
        we got the personalized plates that say "Pegster". It's C.O.D. That'll be twenty-five
        thousand dollars. She said you'd have the cash.

AL      (TO DELIVERY MAN) I'll be right back. I just gotta get some change.

(AL HEADS UP THE STAIRS)

AL      (CALLS OUT) Oh, Pegster.


FADE OUT:

END OF ACT TWO