Regular Cast:

Al Bundy...................Ed O'Neill
Peg Bundy..................Katey Sagal
Steve Rhoades..............David Garrison
Marcy Rhoades..............Amanda Bearse
Kelly Bundy................Christina Applegate
Bud Bundy..................David Faustino
Buck.......................Mike the Dog

Guest Cast:

Delbert....................Gary Grubbs
Kelly's boyfriend..........Dan Gauthier
Sheriff....................Richard Paul
Roy........................Charlie Dell
Gloria.....................Becky Phelps
Becky......................Kim Morgan Greene
Beany......................Ian Patrick Williams
Killer.....................Vic Polizos



ACT ONE

SCENE ONE

 INT. MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
 (IT IS CONTINUOUS FROM PART 1. THE KNIFE IS STICKING THROUGH THE MATTRESS. AL AND PEGGY ROLL OFF
 THE BED AND RUN TO THE KIDS' BEDROOM. PEGGY CONTINUES TO SCREAM AS SHE RUNS BEHIND AL. AL OPENS
 THE DOOR. WE HEAR A THUMP)

 CUT TO:
 INT. KELLY AND BUD'S ROOM - CONTINUOUS
 (KELLY IS IN HER NIGHTGOWN. AL AND PEGGY BURST IN. PEGGY KEEPS SCREAMING)

AL      (PANICKED) Kids, come on. Kelly. Where's Bud?

KELLY   He was listening behind the door.

 (AL CROSSES TO THE DOOR. WE SEE BUD HOLDING HIS NOSE. HE IS IN PAJAMAS. PEGGY IS STILL
 SHRIEKING)

AL      Come on, Bud. Kelly, we have... (TO PEGGY) Will you shut up? (TO KIDS) Kids, get dressed.
        We're leaving.

BUD     But we like it here.

AL      Suit yourself. Peg?

 (AL HEADS FOR THE DOOR)

PEGGY   Al. We are not leaving the children.

KELLY   What's wrong?

PEGGY   There's someone in our room.

 (WE SEE THE HEAD OF AN AXE COME THROUGH THE ADJOINING DOOR)

PEGGY   That's him.

 (THE WHOLE FAMILY SCREAMS AND RUSHES OUT THE FRONT DOOR)


ACT ONE

SCENE TWO

 INT. LOBBY - CONTINUOUS
 (THE FAMILY RUNS DOWNSTAIRS SCREAMING. THEY STOP)

AL      (CALLS OUT) Help! Help! (BEAT, NO RESPONSE) Peg, do something.

 (PEGGY LETS OUT A SHRILL SCREAM. AL COVERS HER MOUTH TO SILENCE HER)

AL      Alright, we need a plan. Here's what we do: we get in the car and drive home. That's it.
        That's the plan. Let's go.

 (THEY RUN OUT. A FEW BEATS, THEN THEY RUSH BACK IN SCREAMING)

AL      Who could've cut our tires?

PEGGY   Oh, well, let's see. Who do we know that's insane and has a sharp object?

KELLY   Grandma?

BUD     Dad, would this be a bad time to remind you we all voted for Hawaii?

AL      Y'know, Bud, there's still an opening for someone to go upstairs and get our bags.

KELLY   Uh, Dad...

AL      (IRRITATED) Oh, what?

KELLY   There's a phone behind you. You might want to share this with the police. I mean, just
        tell them that we're in this dump, and if you have the time, why don't you tell them that
        (SCREAMING) there's a killer upstairs!

 (PEGGY GOES TO COMFORT KELLY)

AL      (TO BUD AND PEGGY) See? There's a team player. (INTO PHONE) Hello. Operator? Operator?
        Hello. (HANGS UP) The phone's dead.

BUD     Okay, I know how to buy us some time. We'll tie Kelly up and leave her as an offering.

KELLY   Uh-uh. Last born, first torn.

 (A SHAPE ENTERS THROUGH A BACK ENTRANCE)

SHAPE   Don't move.

PEGGY   (SCARED) I love you, Al.

AL      Who cares? We're gonna die.

 (THE SHAPE TURNS ON THE LIGHT. IT'S THE SHERIFF. THEY ARE RELIEVED)

SHERIFF What are you folks doing?

BUD     Wetting ourselves.

AL      Someone tried to kill us in our room.

SHERIFF	Oh, yeah. It must've been the guy who does that every five years.

 (THEY STARE AT THE SHERIFF, THEN TURN TO AL)

PEGGY   That wasn't in the brochure, Al.

SHERIFF Storm washed the bridge out. That means the killer is stuck right here with us. Got him
        right where I want him. Well, might as well go back to bed now. Oh, if you folks see him
        again, just holler. I'll... try and find you.

 (THE SHERIFF EXITS UPSTAIRS)

AL      There goes the only man in town who can save us from the killer. (BEAT) We're dead.

PEGGY   Well, maybe this is just one of those mystery weekends.

BUD     It was no mystery, Mom. Dad was just too cheap to take us someplace nice, and we're going
        to be butchered.

PEGGY   Thank your father, kids.

KELLY   (SING-SONG) Thanks, Dad.
BUD     (SING-SONG) Thanks, Dad.

AL      Okay. Family meeting.

 (THEY GATHER)

AL      Alright, now, let's discuss what we know already. We're trapped by a killer. The phones
        are dead. And the sheriff couldn't catch an M & M in his mouth. So it looks like it's
        left up to us to survive. Now, what we need is a weapon. Any weapons?

KELLY   How about Bud's underwear on a stick?

AL      That's a good thought, Kelly, but we can't get to our clothes.

PEGGY   Well, here's a plastic fork, Al.

AL      That's good enough. Now, here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna sit with our backs to
        each other so no one can sneak up on us. Now, we'll set up a watch. We'll take turns.
        I'll take the first watch. Now I think I can stay up all night, but if I get sleepy, I'll
        wake you up.

PEGGY   Now be careful, Al.

AL      Don't worry about me. I've got the fork.

 (AS AL WATCHES THE STAIRS, THE OTHERS PUT CHAIRS IN A CIRCLE AND TRY TO GET COMFORTABLE)


ACT ONE

SCENE THREE

 INT. MOTEL - ABOUT NOON
 (THE TOWNSFOLK ARE MILLING ABOUT. DELBERT IS NOT THERE. SOME ARE EATING. THE BUNDYS SLEEP
 PEACEFULLY. AL SLEEPS WITH HIS HANDS DOWN HIS PANTS, THE FORK STICKING OUT OF HIS WAISTBAND)

ROY     Well, this is certainly a fine how-do-you-do. They're alive. What happens to our pool?

BEANY   I guess we just roll it over to tonight.

 (THE TOWNSFOLK ALL AGREE)

BEANY   Think we should wake them up? It's almost noon.

 (BEANY REACHES FOR KELLY)

ROY     Don't startle the poor little white-haired girl. I read them albinos are real skittish.

 (BEANY NODS AND CROSSES TO AL)

ROY     Be careful! The one with the powerful feet got a fork in his pants.

 (BEANY NUDGES AL WITH HIS TOE)

BEANY   Hey, Bundy. Get up.

 (AL WAKES UP AND GRABS HIS FORK. HE BRANDISHES IT. HE LOOKS AROUND AND GETS ORIENTED. THEN)

AL      Peg. Kids. Get up. It's safe. (BEAT) Thanks to me.

PEGGY   Al. Why didn't you wake us for our watch?

AL      Hey. (INDICATES HIMSELF) The lion watches over his cubs.

ROY     Oh. The sheriff said to tell you he didn't find nothin' in your room. It's safe to go
        back up.

PEGGY   Uh, excuse me, everybody. I don't mean to interrupt your meal, but I would just like to
        say thanks for rushing to our aid as I was screaming into the night. Does everybody
        realize that we were almost killed last night?

 (THEY ALL WALLA, "SURE")

PEGGY   Well, then maybe I'm boring you. Isn't anybody else scared? 

 (THEY ALL WALLA, "NO")

PEGGY   Y'see, there is this axe-welding maniac on the loose. Sometimes they can hurt you.

ROY     (SHRUGS) Won't hurt us. He just kills tourists.

BEANY   (HELPFULLY) Eleven, since 1962.

AL      Family meeting. (BEAT) We're out of here.

PEGGY   Al, may I remind you that somebody has slashed our tires, the bridge has washed out, and
        somewhere in Honolulu there is a family going "ahhh"?

AL      You can't let it alone, can you, Peg? This is nice. "Why can't we go to Hawaii? Why did
        we have to come here? Why do we have to take this car?" You know, standing here with my
        loving family, I have a question: why am I running from the axe?

PEGGY   (SARCASTIC) You're right, Al. I'm sorry to keep harping at you. I mean, sure, there's a
        maniac stalking us. But what about all these nice people (INDICATES TOWNSFOLK) and the
        raw beauty that is "Poppy's". Oh God, I feel so low. It's beautiful here, Al. I'm having
        a blast. (TO KIDS) Thank you father, kids.

KELLY   (SING-SONG) Thanks, Dad.
BUD     (SING-SONG) Thanks, Dad.

PEGGY   And Al, you are an idiot. (TO KIDS) So, let's go pack, steal a canoe and get the hell out
        of here. 

 (PEGGY AND THE KIDS EXIT UPSTAIRS)

AL      That's right, envy me. That's my wife, those are my kids and I sell women's shoes. 
        (MUTTERING AS HE HEADS UPSTAIRS) What am I worried about? I was dead before I got here.


ACT ONE

SCENE FOUR

 INT. HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER
 (THEY FAMILY CROSSES TO THE DOOR TO KELLY AND BUD'S ROOM. AL STOPS THEM)

AL      Wait a second, wait a second. What if the killer is inside waiting for us? (BEAT) All
        right. Someone's got to be the brave one. I'll stay back with the kids. Peg, check the
        room.

PEGGY   Uh uh, Al. You've got the fork, Al.

AL      (GRUMBLES) Ah, it's always me. I work, I pay the bills, and who's the first to die?
        (CHILDLIKE) Daddy.

 (AL OPENS THE DOOR. HE PEERS IN. A LITTLE WHINE ESCAPES HIM)


ACT ONE

SCENE FIVE

 INT. BUD AND KELLY'S ROOM - CONTINUOUS
 (AL CAUTIOUSLY SEARCHES AS CREEPY MUSIC PLAYS. HE OPENS THE BATHROOM DOOR AND JABS WITH THE
 FORK. NOTHING THERE. HE LOOKS UNDER THE BEDS. JABS, NOTHING THERE)

AL      It's safe.

 (THE FAMILY RUSHES IN PAST AL)

AL      You're welcome. (TO KIDS) Alright, pack everything. We'll leave the doors unlocked. Peg?

 (THEY OPEN THE ADJOINING DOOR TO THEIR ROOM. CREEPY MUSIC PLAYS AGAIN)


ACT ONE

SCENE SIX

 INT. AL & PEGGY'S MOTEL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
 (AL AND PEGGY ENTER CAUTIOUSLY. AL OPENS THE BATHROON DOOR AND JABS. NOTHING. SAME FOR UNDER
 THE BED)

AL      It's safe. Steal everything that's not tied down, pack up, we'll go downstairs, get a
        refund and hit the road.

 (PEGGY STARTS GATHERING THEIR STUFF TOGETHER HURRIEDLY. AL HANDS HER THE FORK)

AL      Oh, pack this. We can always use a fork. And don't forget my special towel. I'll get the
        luggage.

 (AL CROSSES TO THE CLOSET. HE OPENS IT. DELBERT STANDS INSIDE. HE APPEARS TO BE CLUTCHING
 SOMETHING. AL SCREAMS. PEGGY SCREAMS. DELBERT RUSHES OUT, KNOCKING AL BACK. HE RACES OUT THE
 DOOR. AL RUSHES AFTER HIM)

 CUT TO:
 INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
 (AL RUSHES AFTER DELBERT. DELBERT GOES DOWNSTAIRS. AL GOES AFTER HIM)

AL      (CALLING OUT) Stop him! Stop him! Stop him!

PEGGY   (O.S.) Al. You forgot your fork.

AL      Somebody grab him. He's the killer.


ACT ONE

SCENE SEVEN

 INT. LOBBY - CONTINUOUS
 (DELBERT RUNS DOWNSTAIRS. AL FOLLOWS HIM. DELBERT SWINGS AT HIM BUT AL DUCKS IN TIME. HE GETS
 A HOLD OF DELBERT)

AL      Got a killer here. Got a killer here.

 (NO ONE MOVES)

AL      Thank you.

 (DELBERT STEPS ON AL's FOOT. AL REACTS)

AL      Killer stepped on my foot.

 (NO ONE MOVES. AL HITS DELBERT TWICE AND PUSHES HIM ONTO A TABLE WHERE ROY AND BEANY ARE
 PLAYING CARDS. THEY CONTINUE PLAYING, OBLIVIOUS)

AL      Thanks a hell of a lot, guys. Did I catch the killer at a bad time for you?

 (THE SHERIFF ENTERS)

SHERIFF	Bundy. What the hell are you doin' with poor Delbert? Come on, Delbert.

 (THE SHERIFF HELPS DELBERT UP, DUSTS HIM)

AL      (COCKY) Lock him up, sheriff. The rough stuff's all over. He's the killer. I got him with
        ol' "dynamite" (HOLDS UP FIST) and "iron" (HOLDS UP OTHER FIST).

SHERIFF	But that's Delbert.

AL      So you don't arrest Delberts down here? What is he, sacred? The guy was in my closet.

SHERIFF	(SIGHS) Now Delbert, what were you doing in this man's closet?

 (DELBERT LOOKS ASHAMED)

SHERIFF C'mon, Delbert. I know your ma.

DELBERT I just wanted his camera.

 (THE TOWNSPEOPLE LAUGH AND WALLA, "OH, THAT DELBERT," ETC. AL REACTS)

SHERIFF Now, what do you say, Delbert?

DELBERT	(TO AL) I'm sorry.

SHERIFF	(PATTING DELBERT'S BACK FONDLY) Now go on home. Go on.

 (DELBERT EXITS)

AL      Being a little rough on him, aren't you, Sheriff?

SHERIFF He's no killer. He's just one of them kleptos. Hell, he's my deputy. He was with me last
        night.

 (ROY HANDS THE SHERIFF THE CAMERA WHICH FELL FROM DELBERT'S COAT)

SHERIIF Oh, thanks, Roy.

 (THE SHERIFF HANDS AL STEVE'S CAMERA. IT'S MIGHTY BROKEN)

SHERIFF (TO AL) Here's your camera. (AL STARES AT IT) Now, go back to sleep, enjoy the rest of
        your vacation and relax: me and Delbert's on the case.

AL      Look. That guy's the killer. I know it, you know it, and them, (INDICATES GROUP) Well, if
        Darwin was right, they'll know it in about a million years. Now, me, I'm taking my family
        and I'm going back to Chicago, where I die just a little each day.


ACT ONE

SCENE EIGHT

 INT. MOTEL ROOM - MINUTES LATER
 (AL ENTERS. THE ROOM IS EMPTY. HE CROSSES TO THE ADJOINING DOOR)

AL      Peg. Kids. Let's go.

 (THE KIDS ENTER WITH THEIR SUITCASES)

BUD     What happened, Dad?

AL      Oh, I was a big hero. I caught the killer and the townspeople cheered and let him go
        'cause he's a Delbert. Our vacation is over. Let's go.

 (AL PICKS UP HIS LUGGAGE. THEY EXIT, HASTILY)

 INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

KELLY   Uh, Dad. I think we're missing something.

AL      Well, leave it here. We'll have them send it to us.

KELLY   It's Mom, Dad.

AL      Oh, yeah. I was wondering why I was carrying the bags. Where'd she go?

 CUT TO:
 INT. MOTEL ROOM - DAY
 (THE ROOM IS DARK, WITH A STREAM OF LIGHT COMING FROM THE WINDOW. THE LIGHT ILLUMINATES PEGGY,
 WHO SITS, TIED TO A CHAIR, A GAG IN HER MOUTH. WE SEE THE SHADOW OF A MAN HOLDING AN AXE BY HER
 CHAIR)


ACT TWO

SCENE ONE

 INT. HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER

AL      Now don't get nervous. I'm sure if anybody has your mother, he won't keep her long. Now,
        we'll go down to the lobby and look for her. If she's not there, I'll find her, you stay
        in the lobby with mouth breathers. Let's go.

 (AL LEAVES HIS LUGGAGE IN THE HALL AS THEY HEAD DOWNSTAIRS)


ACT TWO

SCENE TWO

 INT. ANOTHER MOTEL ROOM - SAME TIME
 (PEGGY, THROUGH HER GAG, SAYS SOMETHING UNINTELLIGIBLE)

KILLER  Why am I doing this? Revenge.

 (PEGGY AGAIN MAKES SOME SOUNDS)

KILLER  Oh, not just against you. All tourists. See, my Daddy used to own this place. Mama
        didn't want him to buy it, but nobody one ever listened to Mama. 

 (PEGGY NODS UNDERSTANDINGLY. SHE SAYS SOMETHING. WE UNDERSTAND THE WORD "HAWAII")

KILLER  Yeah. Daddy had a weak heart. But did the tourists care? No. "Get me towels, it's too
        hot, it's too cold, you call this food? We should have gone to Hawaii." (PEGGY REACTS)
        Dad finally collapsed, bringing some fat woman a burger in the middle of the night. Mama
        committed suicide shortly thereafter. Right in this room. They left me all alone, to take 
        care of myself. A little kid of twenty.

 (PEGGY REACTS)

KILLER  And that's how I've been ever since. Alone. My parents lost their lives taking care of
        others. Now who's going to take care of me?

 (PEGGY MUMBLES "I'LL TAKE CARE OF YOU")

KILLER  What?

 (PEGGY MUMBLES AGAIN, UNINTELLIGIBLY. THE KILLER TAKES OFF HER GAG)

PEGGY   Please, please, Mr. Maniac. (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) Don't kill me. I'll take care of you.

KILLER  Oh, yeah. Sure. You tourists. You can't even take care of yourselves.

PEGGY   No, no, no, no, no. Believe me. I am really good at uh... uh... What do you call that
        stuff?

KILLER  Housework?

PEGGY   That's it.

KILLER  (DUBIOUS) I dunno. I like my place clean.

PEGGY   I was born to clean. Dusting? I'm the best. Polishing? Legend. And what do you call those
        things. Y'know, that you push across the rug and they go "wrrr"?

KILLER  A vacuum.

PEGGY   I feel naked without one.

KILLER  Then you'll definitely have one. What about sewing?

PEGGY   What about it?

KILLER  (IMPATIENT) Do you do it?

PEGGY   Happily.

KILLER  Washing?

PEGGY   (DISTASTEFULLY) Your clothes? (HE REACTS, THEN) I'd be proud. Bloodstains, no problem.

KILLER  How 'bout cooking?

PEGGY   Oh, now we are really talking my life. Yup, just put me in front of a hot stove on a
        summer day, four burners going, grease splattering into my face mixing with all the 
        sweat... (BREAKING) Ah, who am I kidding. I don't do any of that stuff. I don't do
        anything. I'm a housewife, damn it. But, look, I feel sorry for you. I know what it is to 
        be alone. I have a husband and two kids. But I don't go around killing them. I mean, I
        might if I didn't have TV. (BRIGHTENING) You know, that could be the answer for you, too. 
        Look, the next time that you get this killing urge, just do as I do. Grab yourself some
        Bon Bons, take the phone off the hook, pick up the ol' remote control and remember: Don't
        kill. Watch Phil.

KILLER  I hate Phil.

PEGGY   (HORRIFIED) You are sick.

KILLER  Yeah, but I'm gonna alive in the morning.

 (THE KILLER SMILES MENACINGLY)

 CUT TO:
 INT. HALLWAY - SIMULTANEOUS
 (AL IS WALKING DOWN THE HALL)

AL      Peg? Peggy?

 (AL OPENS A DOOR. HE PEERS INSIDE)

AL      Oh! Oh, I'm sorry, Ma'am. I didn't mean to bother you while you were dressing. Uh, have
        you seen a tall redheaded woman? Uh, I forget her name right now, but the kids call her
        "Mom".

 (THE DOOR SLAMS IN AL'S FACE. HE OPENS IT AGAIN)

AL      (REMEMBERING) It's "Peggy".

 (AL CLOSES THE DOOR AND CONTINUES DOWN THE HALL)

AL      Peg? Peggy?


ACT TWO

SCENE THREE

 INT. MOTEL ROOM - CONTINUOUS

KILLER  That's your future late husband. I'll hide behind the door. You call him.

PEGGY   I will not.

KILLER  Okay, then I'll kill you first.

 CUT TO:
 INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
 (AL IS DOWN THE HALL)

PEGGY   (O.S., SWEETLY) Al. Yoo hoo. Honey, I'm in here.

 (AL REACTS AND RUSHES FOR THE DOOR. HIS LUGGAGE IS BY THE DOOR. AL OPENS THE DOOR)

 CUT TO:
 INT. MOTEL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
 (AL ENTERS. HE SEES PEGGY, THE GAG BACK IN PLACE. HE CROSSES TO HER)

AL      Peg! Who did this to you? Tell me.

 (PEGGY MUMBLES UNINTELLIGIBLY THROUGH THE GAG. THE KILLER SLOWLY CREEPS UP ON AL)

AL      Well, it doesn't matter. We're going home, and I'll tell you this, I don't think we're
        ever coming back to this place.

 (CREEPY MUSIC PLAYS. PEGGY TRIES TO SPEAK AGAIN)

AL      Let me untie this.

 (AL STARTS UNDOING THE GAG)

AL      You know, I kind of like you this way. I think we'll take this home.

 (AL GETS THE GAG OFF)

AL      Now what were you trying to say?

 (PEGGY SCREAMS IN AL'S FACE. HE RECOILS. THE AXE COMES DOWN, MISSING HIM. IT SHATTERS A TABLE
 NEXT TO PEGGY. THE KILLER STARTS CHASING AL)

AL      (AS HE RUNS) Help me, Peg. Help me. Help me, Peg.

 (THE KILLER CHASES AL OUT THE DOOR)

PEGGY   I'll cook for whoever wins!

 (A BEAT, THEN WE HEAR A THUD. PEGGY IS PANICKED)

PEGGY   Al? Al?

 (A BEAT, THEN THEY RE-ENTER THE ROOM, THE AXE BURIED IN STEVE'S LUGGAGE. AL IS ON ONE SIDE OF
 THE SUITCASE, KEEPING IT BETWEEN HIM AND THE KILLER)

AL      Help me, Peg. Help me. Help me, Peg. Help me, Peg. Help me.

 (THE KILLER JERKS THE AXE FREE. HE RAISES THE AXE. AL BLOCKS WITH THE SUITCASE, THEN USES IT TO
 PUSH THE KILLER BACK. THE KILLER FALLS. AL TRIES TO PICK UP PEGGY AND THE CHAIR AND CARRY IT
 OUT. HE CAN'T)

AL      Come on, Peg. Run. Run, Peg. Run. Run.

 (THE KILLER GETS BACK UP. AL RUSHES OUT, THEN BACK IN WITH ANOTHER SUITCASE. HE USES IT AS 
 PROTECTION)


ACT TWO

SCENE FOUR

 INT. MOTEL LOBBY - CONTINUOUS
 (BUD IS TALKING TO GLORIA. THE TOWNSPEOPLE ARE SITTING AROUND. KELLY SITS IN HER BOYFRIEND'S
 LAP)

BUD     (COOLLY) Yep. Yep. Yep. Ever hear of the drink "Coca Cola"?

GLORIA  Yeah?

 (BUD INDICATES HIMSELF. GLORIA IS IMPRESSED)

KELLY   (TO BUD, ANNOYED) Will you stop it?

BUD     That's the first time you've said those words, Kell.

KELLY   Such an idiot.

BOYFRIE Huh?

KELLY   (LOVINGLY) That's right, dear.

BUD     Anyhow... you ever hear of Cheverolet?

 (GLORIA NODS. BUD AGAIN INDICATES HIMSELF. GLROIA IS EVEN MORE IMPRESSED. WE HEAR PEGGY SCREAM)

KELLY   That's Mom.

 (WE HEAR AL SCREAM)

KELLY   That's Dad.

 (EVERYBODY RUSHES UPSTAIRS)


ACT TWO

SCENE FIVE

 INT. MOTEL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
 (ALL STEVE'S LUGGAGE IS HACKED UP. AL IS THROWING CLOTHES AT THE KILLER)

AL      Help me, Peg.

 (AL HIDES BEHIND PEGGY. THE KILLER SWINGS AT HIM TWICE, AL DUCKING JUST IN TIME, THE AXE GOING
 ALL AROUND PEGGY'S HEAD. SHE REACTS UP A STORM)

AL      Run Peg, Run. Run Peg, Run.

 (AL TRIES TO DRAG PEGGY OUTSIDE. THE KILLER CATCHES UP WITH THEM. AL GRABS THE AXE AND PULLS IT
 CLOSE TO PEGGY'S HEAD)

PEGGY   Al, my hair.

 (THE KILLER FREES THE AXE FROM AL'S HOLD AND CHASES AL AROUND PEGGY'S CHAIR)

AL      Help me, Peg. Help me.

 (PEGGY TRIES TO MAKE THE KILLER TRIP BUT BRINGS AL DOWN INSTEAD)

AL      Don't help me, Peg.

 (AL BUTTS HIS HEAD INTO THE KILLER'S STOMACH, THEN DECKS HIM. THE KILLER GOES DOWN. EVERYONE 
 RUSHES IN)

AL      Well, there he is. The killer. (LIKE CLINT EASTWOOD) He's done. Washed up. Finished. He
        learned what a lot of killers learned: when they come after Bundy, they find trouble.
        Excuse me.

 (AL EXITS INTO THE BATHROOM AND RETCHES. A BEAT, THEN HE ENTERS)

AL      (COOLY) Yep, Bundy's the name. Hero's the game. Get him outta here.

ROY     Who is he, Sheriff? Who is the murdering scum?

  (THE SHERIFF ROLLS THE KILLER OVER. THE TOWNSFOLK REACT WITH ALARM)

AL      Well, do we take him to the jail now, or hang him right here?

SHERIFF Do you know who this man is, Bundy?

AL      Yeah. He's the killer.

SHERIFF Yes. (SIGNIFICANTLY) But he's also the man who met Andy Griffith.

 (EVERYONE PICKS UP THE KILLER. THEY DUST HIM OFF)

AL      What are you doing?

BEANY   Making sure you didn't hurt him.

 (AL REACTS)

ROY     See, Bundy, Dumpwater ain't much of a town. We only got two things -- a serial killer,
        and the man who met Andy Griffith.

DELBERT	We could probably stand to lose one or the other, but we'll be damned if we're gonna
        lose both.

SHERIFF Y'all better get going, Bundy.

GLORIA  I say we hang the whole family.

 (BUD LOOKS AT HER. HE JUMPS INTO PEGGY'S LAP)

BEANY   I'd kinda like to keep the little white-haired girl.

 (KELLY REACTS)

AL      Kids, get the bags.

 (THEY PICK UP THEIR STUFF)

BUD     Dad, are we taking Mom, too?

AL      I guess.

 (THE KIDS GO TO UNTIE PEGGY)

ROY     (TO KILLER) Are you gonna be able to talk tonight at the High School?

KILLER  I dunno. He hit me hard.

 (EVERYONE STARES AT AL, HATEFULLY)

AL      (TO KIDS) Take her like she is. We'll untie her at home. Maybe.

 (AL AND THE KIDS LEAD PEGGY OUT)


ACT TWO

SCENE SIX

 INSERT OF MAP OF EASTERN UNITED STATES
 (THE RED LINE RETRACTS FROM FLORIDA NORTHWARD)

PEGGY   (V.O.) Al, where are the kids?

 (THE LINE RETREATS BACK TO DUMPWATER)

KELLY   (V.O., SING-SONG) Thanks, Dad.
BUD     (V.O., SING-SONG) Thanks, Dad.

 (THE LINE ONCE AGAIN STARTS TO RETRACT NORTHWARD)

KELLY   (SARCASTIC) Gee, Dad, next year can we go to Lebanon?


ACT TWO

SCENE SEVEN

 INT. BUNDY LIVING ROOM
 (STEVE AND MARCY ARE SITTING ON THE COUCH. STEVE GLANCES AT HIS WATCH)

STEVE   (IMPATIENT) Where's my luggage, Marcy?

MARCY   Steve, please. I am sick of hearing about your luggage. Can we talk about something else?

STEVE   Fine. Where's my camera, Marcy?

MARCY   Steve, you're obsessive.

STEVE   I am not obsessive.

 (STEVE NOTICES A TINY PIECE OF DIRT ON HIS PANTS AND BRUSHES IT OFF)

STEVE   I just know they have taken that luggage and gone off somewhere.

MARCY   Right, Steve. I'm sure they're going to build a whole new life around your luggage.

STEVE   And my camera.


ACT TWO

SCENE EIGHT

 INSERT MAP
 (THE RED LINE REACHES CHICAGO)

BUNDYS  (V.O., SINGING) "There's no place like home."

AL      (V.O.) Steve, here's your luggage and your camera.

 (WE HEAR TIRES SCREECH AND THE RED LINE RACES BACK SOUTH)