Regular cast:

Ed O'Neill...............Al Bundy
Katey Sagal..............Peggy Bundy
Amanda Bearse............Marcy Rhoades
David Garrison...........Steve Rhoades
Christina Applegate......Kelly Bundy
David Faustino...........Bud Bundy
Mike the Dog.............Buck  

No guest cast



ACT ONE

Peggy is busy in the kitchen making sandwiches. She puts them on a plate and takes them over to
the dining table. 
The door bell rings. Peggy goes to answer the door and almost trips over a full laundry basket
that has been left on the floor. 

PEGGY   Oh, why doesn't somebody move this?

Peggy checks the time on her wristwatch just before answering the door. Marcy is standing at the
front door. Marcy and Peg simultaneously say "Hi". 
Marcy walks past Peggy and into the living room. Peggy looks out of the front door.

PEGGY   Have you seen Al?

MARCY   Too many times.

Peg closes the front door.

PEGGY   I can't believe he's not here yet.

MARCY   Oh, don't worry, I'm sure he's OK.

PEGGY   Who cares if he's OK? We've got 25 minutes [looking at her watch again] to get to the
        closing of Johnny B Goodes. They're tearing it down tomorrow morning.

MARCY   The burger place?

Marcy follows Peggy into the kitchen.

PEGGY   Oh, it is much more than a 'burger place' - they've got fries. You know, it's really a
        shame they would tear down a landmark like that.

Peggy puts another sandwich onto a plate.

PEGGY   People come from miles around just to get a burger and to look at the grease stain on the 
        wall where Al used to rest his head.

MARCY   And to think some people waste their time going to Yellowstone.

PEGGY   You know, it's really gonna be a night to remember. After all the people who have tickets
        get in, they're gonna close all the doors, then people all over town are gonna honk their 
        horns in a fond farewell. Sort of like Al does in a funeral procession.

Peggy takes the other plate of sandwiches to the dining table.

MARCY   Aw well, it sounds like you've got a lot of memories there.

PEGGY   More than anywhere else. After all, it's where I met the man I wanted to spend the rest
        of my life with. And I met Al there too. Where could he be?

Peg picks up some napkins from a cupboard and places them on the table.

PEGGY   Oh well, he wouldn’t miss this, this is one of the few places that still lets him in. So
        I see you're all ready for your big night.

MARCY   Well, it's not just my big night. I hope my dinner party goes well. See, if I get the
        manager's position at Kyoto National, then Steve is in line for my old job at our bank.
        'Course, I was hoping they'd give it to a woman, but out of respect for Steve, I'm
        staying neutral.

PEGGY   That's nice.

Peggy shuffles over to the refrigerator.

MARCY   Oh, and it was so nice of you to let us keep our poached salmon in your refrigerator.

Peggy takes a large plate containing an intricately decorated salmon from the refrigerator and
takes it over to Marcy.

MARCY   Ours is so full already. Al didn't touch it, did he?

PEGGY   No, he actually liked having it around. He said it gave the refrigerator a kind of foody
        smell.

MARCY   Well, I'm off to cement our future.

Peggy chuckles.
Marcy backs away to leave and trips over the laundry basket that had been left on the floor.
The salmon spills off the plate onto Marcy's dress. 



Peggy takes the plate from Marcy and scoops the fish back on to it. Marcy gets up from the floor.

MARCY   Oh! Look at my dress! Look at my fish!

PEGGY   Look at my floor!

MARCY   Oh, I'm gonna go home and change. Keep an eye on my fish.

PEGGY   It's keeping an eye on you.

Peggy flicks a piece of fish off Marcy's dress. 
Marcy turns and runs to the front door. As soon as she get past the door, she quickly comes back
inside and closes the door again.

MARCY   Oaah! My God! The bankers just pulled up.

PEGGY   You sure it's not Al?

MARCY   Al doesn’t drive a Mercedes with the license plate 'Yen Men'.

Marcy looks down at her dress as she walks back towards Peggy.

MARCY   I can't go over there like this!

PEGGY   Well, you could wear something of mine.

Marcy turns away, shocked.

MARCY   Maybe I can go over there like this. No. I can wash this out by hand and throw it in your
        dryer, that should only take 15 minutes.

PEGGY   Well, what about your company?

MARCY   Oh, Steve can stall for that long, he'll just show them our river rafting slides. Got any
        Woolite?

PEGGY   Oh yeah, I got some as a 'gag-gift' for my birthday, it's upstairs in the bathroom.

MARCY   Thanks.

Marcy runs upstairs.

PEGGY  You can keep it, but leave me the bow.

Peggy puts the plate of fish on the table and writes on the side of the fish with her finger.

PEGGY   Al loves Peggy.

Al bursts in and closes the front door.

Al      Sorry I'm late, but I was in such a rush that I side-swiped a car parked outside of Steve 
        and Marcy's house. But if they can afford to buy a Mercedes, they can afford to pay for
        it.

PEGGY   Didn't you leave a note?

AL      Sure I did. I said "Next time buy American".

Al takes off his jacket and hangs it on the closet door.

AL      Come on Peg! Hurry up! We got to get to the restaurant, we're in the group that's going
        in first - Number 8.

Al walks quickly over to Peggy in the kitchen, and takes a ticket from his shirt pocket.

PEGGY   You're kidding!? How did you get such a low number?

AL      Well, you know how Bud's always complaining I don't let him stay out enough, so I told
        him he could sleep on the sidewalk last night at Johnny B Goode's, and he got us number
        8.

PEGGY   Bud wasn't home last night? Oh well, at least he was doing something worth while.

AL      Man, I'm starved. I can't wait to sink my teeth into one of those burgers one last time,
        and those great fries. You know I still hold the record? I think I can eat ten bags in
        one sitting.

PEGGY   Ohh, you are great honey.

Al laughs, and Peggy kisses him on the cheek.

AL      It stinks in here.

Al looks down at the fish on the kitchen table.

AL      What's that thing?

PEGGY   Oh, it's Marcy's fish, she spilled it on her dress. She's upstairs washing it out.

Al puts the ticket back in his shirt pocket.

PEGGY   Look, I wrote you something.



Al reads the 'finger writing' on the side of the fish.

AL      Al loves Piggy.

PEGGY   That ought'a be an 'E' Al.

AL      I'll fix it.

Al re-writes the 'E' with his finger.
Marcy comes down the stairs wearing a blue towel with the words "Come and Go Motel" written on
it. Al quickly disguises what he was doing to the fish. Marcy notices him and quickly turns away.

MARCY   Oh Al, I didn't know you were here.

Marcy turns to Peggy.

AL      Well, there goes my appetite, and my favorite towel.

Al walks over to the living room.
Peggy wipes the fish off her finger onto the towel that Marcy is wearing, and takes Marcy's dress
from her.

PEGGY   Marcy, I'll put that in the dryer for ya.

Marcy walks into the kitchen and looks at her fish.

MARCY   Who's been playing in my fish?

AL      Let's go, let's go, let's go! After they get past number 8, we can't get in!

Peggy runs from the dryer to the kitchen.

PEGGY   I'm ready Al. I'm sorry Marce, but we gotta go.

Marcy is tidying up the decoration around the fish.

MARCY   I'll be OK. Does the dryer buzz when it's finished?

PEGGY   How should I know?

Peggy walks over to the couch and picks up her bag.

AL      Let's go, let's go, let's go!

PEGGY   OK, OK, OK!

Al opens the front door and Kelly pushes past him on her way in.

KELLY   My life is over.

PEGGY   That's nice, honey. If you're hungry, there's sandwiches on the table and little fish
        bits on the floor.

KELLY   Life stinks!

AL      Yeah, well, it doesn't get any better. We'll be at Johnny B Goodes.

PEGGY   Wait a minute Al, we can't go with Kelly like this.

Peggy walks over to Kelly.

AL      Why not? Life will stink tomorrow. I know mine will. All right, all right. Kelly, this
        usually takes an hour. I say "What's the matter?", you say "Nothing", I say "Come on
        honey, I know something’s wrong, what is it?", you say "Nothing". So lets cut the crap!
        What's wrong?

KELLY   Nothing.

AL      Come on honey, I know something’s wrong, what is it? And keep in mind I haven't eaten
        anything all day.

KELLY   OK. Well Judy's having a party for all the kids who count, and I wasn't invited.

PEGGY   Well honey, if they were really your friends...

PEGGY   they would have invited you.
KELLY   they would have invited you.

KELLY   Well, thanks a lot, mom. So what your tryna tell me is, that I have no friends. That's
        great. Why don't you really cheer me up and tell me again how lucky I am to have
        inherited the Bundy forehead? I can't believe it, I just have to face it, I'm not popular 
        anymore. And I've got the forehead of a dolphin.

AL      Hey! That's one smart fish.

KELLY   Oh, I'm ruined.

Kelly runs upstairs to her room.

AL      Well at least we'll know where she is tonight.

PEGGY   I'd better go up and talk to her.

Peggy chases up the stairs after Kelly.

AL      Peg, we got number 8, we got seven minutes to get there. Well if she starts crying, give
        her some money, that always works with you. I don't know, my parents never talked to me
        when I had a problem and I turned out fine.

Al looks at his wristwatch.

AL      We're never gonna make it.

Al snaps his fingers and picks up the telephone.

AL      I've got an idea.

Marcy is poised near the laundry basket in the middle of the room while holding the plate of
fish. She is looking for the missing pieces of fish on the floor.

MARCY   Do you see a fish eye?

AL      No, but I see a chicken leg.

Marcy straightens up and scurries over to the couch. She sits down on the couch next to Buck.



Al is talking over the telephone.

AL      Hello. Johnny B Goodes? Who's this? Hey Spike, it's Al. Hey! You got a minute?
        Eh, to hell with the People Magazine interview! You gotta do me a favor. 
        Hey, you know my friend Fat Charlie? Yeah the fat one, yeah.
        Well he's got number fifty and I got number eight. Would you mind if I traded with him?
        Great! Yeah. Would you go out in the parking lot and tell him? Yeah, fine.
        Er, I'll get there when I can. OK. Yeah, Rock 'n' Roll forever!

Al puts the phone down and walks to the front door.

AL      Come on Peg, the fries aren't getting any younger. And neither are you.

Steve walks in past Al. He goes over to the couch where Marcy is sitting. Marcy is still holding
the plate of fish.

STEVE   Marcy, I've got three questions for ya. What are you doing in a towel?
        What am I supposed to do with the Takahashi Brothers? And why didn't you tell me you
        mixed our rafting slides in with the ones of your sister giving birth to the twins?



Marcy puts the plate of fish down on the coffee table which is in front of the couch and stands
up.

MARCY   Well, number one, I spilled. Number two, get out our camera and ask them how to use it.
        And number three, it's for a lecture that I'm giving at our Women's Group; Child Birth
        and River Rafting - Two of Nature's Bumpy Rides. Now go home, go upstairs, get me a dress 
        and hurry.

Marcy pushes Steve out of the Bundy's living room to the front door. Al is standing near the
front door with his hands on his hips.

STEVE   Which dress?

MARCY   The 'Power Dress', now go!

As Marcy turns she is standing face to face with Al, she quickly looks away and makes sure that
the towel she is wearing is covering her chest. Marcy walks back over to the coffee table, picks
up the plate of fish and sits down on the couch next to Buck again. Al shouts:

AL      Peg, does the phrase "hurry the hell up" mean anything to ya?

Peggy runs down the stairs.

PEGGY   I've taken care of everything,

Peggy moves over to the telephone and leans on the counter.

PEGGY   We are one phone call away from this whole thing being settled.

The telephone rings and Peggy picks up the receiver.

PEGGY   Hello.

Peggy shouts up the stairs.

PEGGY   KELLY, it's for you!

Peggy puts the receiver back down.

PEGGY   That should do it.

Peggy shuffles over to the back of the couch.

PEGGY   Marcy, make yourself at home. Watch TV if you like, oh, and don't pet the dog, he might
        expect it from us.

Peggy goes over to Al, he is standing by the front door and hands a fluffy black scarf to Peggy.
Peggy drapes the scarf around her neck.

AL      Come on, come on Peg, hurry up! People magazine's down there and we might get our
        pictures taken.

Peggy hoots with delight. She takes off her black scarf and exchanges it for a blue scarf that
was in the hall closet.

AL      Come on!

Al turns and almost makes it out the front door but he stops when he hears Kelly calling out.

KELLY   Mohhhhm!

Kelly stomps down the stairs.

KELLY   How could you? You made her MOTHER invite me?! It was bad enough not being invited in the 
        first place, but now I'm the cry baby that her mother called and begged to invite the
        Nerd. That's what I am now -- The Nerd. I spent 15 years bleaching and dying and
        piercing, just to create this awesome image, and have it shot to hell with one phone
        call. Oh Daddy!

Kelly runs over to Al and hugs him to be comforted.



AL      But I was number fifty.


ACT TWO 

same scene continued

Al walks into the living room with Kelly still attached to him with her vice-like hug.

AL      Kelly, I know how ya feel right now, but look, things aren't as bad as they seem.

Al holds Kelly at arms length, and looks over to Marcy.

AL       Even nerds get married - look at Marcy.

Marcy temporarily stops fiddling with the fish, while she thinks about Al's insult.
Kelly looks down at Marcy.



KELLY   Great! That's just how I want to spend my life, sitting there in my natural hair color,
        fondling a fish.

Marcy immediately stops fondling the fish. She gets up and goes into the kitchen.
Peggy walks over to Kelly and pushes Al out of the way.

PEGGY   Let me handle this, Al. Kelly honey, your friends are mad at you now, but you'll be a
        celebrity when they see the picture of daddy and me in People magazine.

Al looks over Peggy's shoulder and smiles at Kelly.

AL      I'll be there with my hands tied behind my back, eating bags of fries.



PEGGY   Yeah! And I'll be leading the crowd cheering "Chugga Spud, Chugga Spud, Chugga Spud!"

KELLY   Oh, how proud I'll be. Well, look, you guys, just go and have a good time, I'll be OK. If 
        I’m gonna be a nerd - fine, I can deal with it. In fact, I'll go and start right now!



Kelly puts on a nerdy grin and does a nerdy walk over to Marcy.
Marcy is still in the kitchen fiddling with the fish. Kelly speaks in a nerdy voice.

KELLY   Read any good books lately, Mrs. Rhoades?

MARCY   As a matter of fact I have. It's called 'The Living Planet'.

KELLY   Would you kill me with it please?

Marcy straightens up, surprised and confused.
Kelly turns away from Marcy and towards Peg and Al.

KELLY   Now look, you guys just go, and after all, if I had the chance to have fun, I wouldn't
        let one of your problems stop me from going. Of course, I'm not a parent.

Kelly looks downwards sadly and sits down at the dining table.

PEGGY   Our little Kelly is really growing up Al.

Kelly slumps over and lays her head on the table.

PEGGY   Sit up dear, that's how you get The Bundy Forehead.

AL      Come on Peg! We're running out of time.

Al and Peg rush to the door.
Bud opens the door and walks in. He is wearing a red shirt with "Run 'em and Wreck 'em Rally"
written on the front of it.

BUD     Hi Dad, Mom.

PEGGY   Hi Bud. Honey, there's dinner on the table right next to your sister's head.

BUD     Where did you put my car?

AL      What car?

BUD     Dad! Tonight's the finals for "The Run 'em and Wreck 'em Rally". I've got post position
        in an hour!

Kelly lifts up her head from the table and walks over to Bud in the living room.

KELLY   Are there gonna be any nerds there? I'll come.

BUD     You weren't invited, Kel.

Kelly returns to her slumped position over the dining table. Al walks over to Bud.

AL      Bud, are you sure I promised you?

BUD     Dad, you said you'd fix it last night if I sit on the cold pavement in front of Johnny B
        Goodes, with a bunch of sad old geezers singing Beach Boys songs.

AL      But did I promise you?

Bud folds his arms, tips his head back and gives Al a very stern look.



AL      Get your car, Bud.

Bud runs upstairs to get his car. Al turns to face Peggy.

AL      We're never gonna make it. I probably don't have enough time to fix the car.

Al takes one of the tickets from his shirt pocket.

AL      Here, Peg, you go, and have a good time.

Peggy looks at the ticket that Al is offering to her.

PEGGY   Aww, that's sweet Al, but I can't go without you. My memories of Johnny B Goodes are of
        us being together.

AL      I'm glad to hear you say that Peg, because I had no intention of giving you this ticket.

Al puts the ticket back into his shirt pocket and walks over to the telephone.

AL      Hurry up, Bud! Never wanted to get married - I'm married, never wanted to have kids - I
        got two of 'em. How the hell did this happen?

Al picks up the telephone and punches in some numbers.

AL      Hello Spike? Al. Listen, Is 'No Jaw' McKenzie there? Yeah the one with no jaw. Is she
        there!? Great, er, listen she's got number 110, tell her I'll trade my number 50 for it,
        OK?

Bud comes running down the stairs with a box.

AL      Yeah, thanks. Yeah, er, yeah Rock 'n' Roll, yeah something.

Al replaces the receiver and takes the box from Bud.

AL      Gimme the car - get out of my way.

Al and Bud go over to the couch and sit down next to each other.

BUD     Nice to spend these father-son moments together dad.

Peggy stands behind the couch and looks over Al's shoulder.
Al picks up a list of instructions about how to assemble the car.

AL      Shut up! I'm tryna read. Oh great, this is Japanese!



Al turns to the opposite page.

AL      Oh, here we go. Er, 'Achtung hier hat der kab'. These aren’t instructions, it's the
        history of World War Two!

Al turns to another page.

AL      Ah! Here it is, er, 'Attention vous avez'. Oh hell! More people we should have killed!
        Where's American? Er, here it is, here it is. 
        'Battery check before to put cable on be sure'.

PEGGY   Will you hurry up, Al!

AL      Oh yeah, I'll-be-out-quick-while-the-get-here-any-minute.

Peggy shrugs her shoulders and walks off towards the front door.

AL      Bud, put these batteries in something - see if they work.

Al takes a handful of batteries from the box and gives them to Bud. Bud takes them over to the
counter where Marcy is sitting, picks up a small radio that was near the telephone and returns to 
the couch to sit next to Al again.

BUD     Dad, can I ask you something real quick?

AL      Yeah, what?

BUD     What's Mrs. Rhoades doing in our living room wearing your favorite towel?

AL      Bud, do you want to hear a long boring story about a short boring woman, or do you want
        your car fixed?

Marcy looks up from the magazine that she was reading and glares at Al.

AL      All right, I put the red terminal in the la conduire. Oh, my friends the French again.

Al turns another page.

AL      Conductor. Why don't they just say "Put the red wire in the hole"? Oh here it is, put the
        red wire in the hole.

KELLY   So typical, over there solving the male child's problems while your daughter takes the
        back seat.

Bud stands up.

BUD     You should be used to that, Kel.

Kelly gets up from the table and walks over to Bud.

KELLY   I know there was a mix-up at the maternity ward. Somewhere in a Game Preserve, two
        orangoutangs are picking lice off the head of my real baby brother.

Kelly walks to the front of the couch and stands next to Al.
Bud and Peggy are standing behind the couch.

PEGGY   Al, talk to Kelly.

AL      How was your day honey - You're standing in my light Kelly!

Kelly sits down next to Al and rests her head on his shoulder.

KELLY   Daddy!

AL      You wanted advice - I gave you advice, you didn't want any advice - so I left you alone,
        now you want advice again! OK! Here it is...

BUD     I am not a monkey!

PEGGY   We know, son.

Peggy picks something out of Bud's hair. Marcy walks over to Peggy.



MARCY   Is my dress ready yet?

AL      For your body - No.

Marcy walks back to the kitchen.

PEGGY   I'll go check on it.

Peggy leaves the room to check the dryer.

AL      Kelly, there were plenty of parties I wasn't invited to when I was a kid.

MARCY   There's a mystery!



AL      Here's another one - What the hell's holding that towel up?

Marcy puts a hand on her chest and turns her back to Al.

AL      So to continue, Kelly, I just showed up! I just stood there, big smile on my face, I said
        "I'm here!" and went straight for the food. Well, sure they didn't want me there, but I
        had a great time and if they  didn't - too bad. The important thing is - you wanna be
        there, be there. Even if they hate you. You're a Bundy! Start acting like one!

KELLY   I'm going to my room.

AL      That's a girl, go where you wanna go.

Kelly gets up and goes over to a cabinet next to the bottom of the stairs. 
Bud is standing nearby.

KELLY   I'm taking the binoculars. If I can't be there, at least I can see the lights from my
        room. If I can fit the strap over my forehead.

Kelly takes a pair of binoculars from the cabinet draw and goes upstairs with them.
Bud goes over to the couch and sits next to Al.

BUD     Dad, I sure hope your better at fixing cars than lives.

AL      You call these lives?

Peggy returns after checking on Marcy's dress in the dryer.
Marcy follows Peggy into the living room.

PEGGY   We're almost ready, Marce.

MARCY   How long does it take to dry a dress?

PEGGY   Well, in the machines defence, Al fixed that too.

AL      I have an announcement - Shut up!

MARCY   Where's Steve?

Marcy goes over to the front door and looks through a glass panel.

MARCY   How long does it take to go upstairs and find a dress? It's not like he has to go through 
        his stuff. His stuff has to be all folded very carefully and neatly put away in his
        drawers. All colour coded, like his stupid socks! Does Al have a sock drawer?

PEGGY   Yeah, it's called the floor.

Bud has finished putting the batteries into the small radio. He switches it on to test the
batteries.

* An announcement is heard over the radio:

* "Johnny B Goodes sure is hot tonight!"

Al has stopped working on the car and Peggy leans forward from behind the couch to hear the
announcement.

BUD     Batteries work dad!

AL      SSSSH!

* "Yes it's closing night at Johnny B Goodes"

* The crowd cries out "AWWWW!"

* "But we're having some fun, aren't we!"

* The crowd cries out "YEAHHH!"

* "Now stand away from the doors, we're getting ready to let people in with numbers from 100 to
   150"

AL      Aww Peg! I traded for 110, what am I gonna do?

PEGGY   Er, I'll call your friend Spike and I'll tell him to trade with my friend Easy Edie. You
        know, the one that turned you down in high school.

Peggy shuffles over to the telephone.

PEGGY  She's got number 198.

* "OK. We're almost ready for the Fry Eating Contest."

* The crowd cheers "Chugga Spud, Chugga Spud, Chugga Spud!"

BUD     These people are morons, dad.

AL      Give me the batteries, I'm done with the car.

Bud takes the batteries out of the radio, offers them to Al and glances into the box.

BUD     What are all those extra parts?

AL      What? They're - They're extra parts! You know, for Koreans or something.

Marcy flings open the front door to greet Steve.

MARCY   Steeeve, Where have you been?



Steve is holding a pink dress and his speech is slurred.

STEVE   Oh, I got halfway out the back door and Mr. Takahashi said "Hey, where you go?". So I
        couldn't just leave, we started talking basebaaaall.

Steve staggers into The Bundys' living room.

STEVE   And then we got into the Saki.

Steve sits next to Al on the couch and puts his arm over Al's shoulders.



STEVE   I wrote a haiku.

Marcy goes over to Steve and snatches the dress from his grasp.

MARCY   Give me that! You call this a Power Dress!? I can't wear this amongst bankers.

STEVE   Well I was in a hurry, I grabbed the first thing I saw.

AL      Yeah, I did that once. That's how I got Peg.

Steve gets up and stands alongside Marcy.

STEVE   Marcy, there's nothing wrong with that dress.

Peggy enters the living room after her telephone conversation.

PEGGY   OK, we got number 198.

Peggy glances at the dress that Marcy is holding.

PEGGY   Oooh, nice dress!

Marcy turns to face Steve and they stare at each other.

STEVE   Sorry.

The buzzer on the dryer sounds.

MARCY   Oh never mind, my dress is ready, just go back and stall them.

Marcy gives the pink dress back to Steve.
Steve moves towards the front door, then turns back around.

STEVE   Right, errr, let's see, oooh! They mentioned their new Mercedes, I'll have them show it
        to me.



Steve leaves and closes the front door behind him.

AL      OK, here it is!

Bud and Al get up from the couch and find some empty floor space to test the car. Al presses
buttons on the car's remote control, but nothing happens. He puts his foot behind the car and
kicks it forwards.

AL      Here it goes.

BUD     Naaw, I saw that.

Bud picks up the car and puts it next to the telephone on the counter. 
Al sits down at the counter.

AL      OK, OK. Must be something wrong with the batteries and the remote control.

BUD     Are you sure it couldn't be one of those 'extra parts'?

AL      Bud, you said that about our real car, didn't you Bud? and It's running just fine, isn't
        it? I mean, it's running good enough that it can slam into a 40,000 dollar Mercedes and
        keep going!

Bud switches the radio back on and the crowd outside Johnny B Goodes can be heard chanting:

* "Chugga Spud, Chugga Spud, Chugga Spud!"

* "That's a record so far tonight, 8 bags. You know there used to be a guy who came around here
   that could eat 10 bags! - Al 'The Pig' Bundy. He wouldn't pay for them, but he'd eat 'em.
   Well, it looks like they're going to be seating the last group of people in about 10 minutes,
   that means it's the last call. Now remember, you can still be a part of history when we
   announce that the doors are closing the last time. We want people all over Chicago to honk
   their horns to say 'goodbye' to Johnny B Goodes."

Marcy walks down the stairs in her recently washed and dried Power Dress.
The dress has shrunk and the hemline is way above Marcy's knees.



MARCY   I wish I were dead.

AL      [horrified] I wish I was blind.

Marcy picks up her plate of fish and walks over to the couch.

MARCY   I guess I can just kiss this job goodbye. They're not going to trust their bank to some
        harlot. I might as well put on go-go boots and sing Nancy Sinatra songs!



PEGGY   Well, I like it. I think you should be proud. Just go in there and show 'em what you got.

AL      That's how Peg got me!

MARCY   I'd never let any real people see me in this.

Kelly walks down the stairs, wearing a low-cut bodice, miniskirt and black tights.



KELLY   That's it, I just saw Judy trying to steal back the boyfriend I stole from her. Well, I'm
        not letting her get away with it.

Kelly marches to the front door and notices Marcy as she passes her by.

KELLY   I’m a Bundy! I'm going right over there and knock her teeth out.

Before Kelly goes out the door she turns around.

KELLY   Nice dress, Mrs. Rhoades.

MARCY   Well, if she can do it, I can do it.

Marcy walks to the door.

MARCY   I'm not a Bundy - thank God, but I'm going home right now and getting that job.

Marcy leaves and closes the door behind her.
Al holds up the car's remote control.

AL      There! I think they were just put in wrong.

Bud pushes everything of the coffee table in front of the couch to make room for his car. 
Al presses a button on the remote control and the car zooms off the coffee table.

AL      It's working. Get out.

BUD     Thanks, dad.

Bud takes the remote control from Al, picks up the car off the floor and runs out of the front
door. Al marches Peggy to the door.

AL      Peg, as much as I hate to see you run, RUN.

PEGGY   How much time have we got Al?

As soon as Al closes the front door behind them, car horns can be heard.
The front door opens and Al and Peggy slowly walk back inside.

AL      Well, Johnny be gone.

PEGGY   Yeah, we just missed the end of an era.

AL      Yep.

Al and Peggy walk over to the couch.

AL      Well, we'll start a new era.

PEGGY   How? We don't have any traditions, we're Bundys.

AL      We still have one tradition. Remember what we used to do when we came back from Johnny B
        Goodes?

PEGGY   Ah haw haw, In my parents' living room?

AL      Yeah.

Al and Peggy sit down on the couch. Al picks up the TV remote control and switches on the TV.
Al puts his arm over Peggy's shoulder, they watch TV and smile.





THE END



Supervising Producers - Katherine Green & Richard Gurman.
Executive Producers - Ron Leavitt & Michael G. Moye.
Directed by Linda Day.
Written by Katherine Green & Richard Gurman.
Created by Michael G. Moye and Ron Leavitt.
Associate Producer - Barbara Blachut Cramer.
Executive Story Editor - Sandy Sprung & Marcy Vosburgh.
Programme Consultant - Ellen L. Fogle.
Casting - Marc Hirschfeld C.S.A.
Executive In Charge of Casting - Steven Kolzak.
'Love and Marriage' music and lyrics by Sammy Cahn and Jimmy Van Heusen.
Music Supervision - Don Great.
Production Designer - Don Roberts.
Art Director - Bernard Vyzga.
Associate Director - Gerry Cohen.
Stage Managers - Richard Draney and Stephanie Scott.
Production Associate - Kitty Rourke.
Production Co-ordinator - Susan Jang.
Unit Manager - Steve McIntire.
Technical Manager - Tug Rencher.
Production Services Co-ordinator - Michelle Burrage.
Technical Director - Fred D'Aguilar.
Lighting Director - Mark Buxbaum.
Audio - Gerry Barber.
Videotape Editor - Larry Harris.
Re-Recording - Tamara Johnson and Carroll Pratt.
Costumes - Marti Masamitsu.
Property Master - Michael Semon.
Make-up - Sue Forrest-Chambers.
Hair Stylist - Dottie McQuown.
Production Supervised by Fran McConnell.
Videotaped at ABC Television Center in Hollywood.
Copyright (c) 1987 Embassy Communications.
In Charge of Production - Ken Stump.
Columbia Pictures Television - A Sony Pictures Entertainment Company.