FINAL DRAFT SCRIPT:
MARRIED... WITH QUEEN: THE SEQUEL
Michael G. Moye
Ellen L. Fogle
AN ELP COMMUNICATIONS PRODUCTION
AL BUNDY ................................ ED O'NEILL
PEGGY BUNDY ............................. KATEY SAGAL
STEVE RHOADES ........................... DAVID GARRISON
MARCY RHOADES ........................... AMANDA BEARSE
KELLY BUNDY ............................. CHRISTINA APPLEGATE
BUD BUNDY ............................... DAVID FAUSTINO
BUCK, THE DOG ........................... MIKE, THE DOG
CONNIE BENDER ........................... LISA RAGGIO
JACK .................................... JACK YATES
TIM POTTER .............................. BILL APPLEBAUM
VICKY ................................... CATHERINE CARLEN
ELI ..................................... DAVID L. LANDER
SPEEDY .................................. RIC STONEBACK
JIMBO ................................... ROBERT SCHUCH
RICK .................................... JOHN APICELLA
THELMA .................................. CLAUDIA HARRINGTON
MILTON .................................. ERIC TULL
GEENA ................................... LINDA LENET
MELINDA ................................. LAURA MELLENCAMP
LINDA ................................... LISA DONOVAN
VELOUR .................................. PATRICIA MATTHEWS
SABLE ................................... LYNNE AUSTIN
SILKY ................................... BARBARA BELMONTE
GO GO GIRL .............................. ANDREA PARKER
INT. HOTEL BANQUET ROOM - NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER
CONNIE Gee Peggy, I hope this doesn't ruin the reunion for you.
(SHE LOOKS SMUG)
PEGGY Don't worry, Connie. Seeing you look this old more than makes up for it.
(CONNIE REACTS, THEN. SHE CALLS TO JACK, WHO IS STILL CIRCLING WITH AL)
CONNIE C'mon Jack. They're serving the shrimp cups.
(TO PEGGY, AS SHE AND JACK LEAVE)
CONNIE See you at my coronation, Wanker.
PEGGY (WATCHING CONNIE GO) She still smells like a bunch of men. (TO AL) Oh, Al. I'm not
gonna be Reunion Queen. I'll never know what it feels like to wear that crown.
AL And I'll never know what it feels like to have warm eggs, and hot coffee in my own
home. Pardon me if I don't feel your sorrow.
ELI (O.S.) Ten bucks says Bundy can put his head through the door!
PEGGY Oh no.
(ELI JOINS THEM. HE IS A SMALLER, EXCITABLE KIND OF GUY)
ELI Hey hey. Big Al. Good to see ya. Peggy!
(HE TRIES TO HUG PEGGY)
PEGGY Don't touch me, Eli.
ELI No problem. Y'know, Al, you marrying Peggy was the only bet I ever lost.
AL Yeah. Me, too. So whatcha been up to, Eli?
ELI I'm a psychiatrist. What do you do?
AL Garbage salesman.
ELI (NOT LISTENING) Hey, great! Come on over and say hello to the gang! I'm sitting with
the jocks! They're over here. After you.
(HE LETS AL, THEN PEGGY GO FIRST. PEGGY COVERS HER BEHIND WITH HER PURSE. ELI REACTS. THEY
CROSS WITH ELI TO THE JOCK TABLE. SEVERAL BIG-BELLIED GUYS, JIMBO, RICK & SPEEDY, SIT THERE WITH
AL (NODDING TO EACH) Jimbo! Rick! (TO HEAVIEST ONE) Uh...
SPEEDY Speedy. How you doin', Al?
(SPEEDY COUGHS. AL SITS BESIDE HIM)
AL You're looking good, Speedy.
SPEEDY (CATCHING HIS BREATH, NODS) Exercise. I'm a golfer. (COUGHS) You look like you could
still play football, Al.
JIMBO Hey Al, wanna see something funny? Remember the Nerds? Tyrone. And Milton, the guy
who used to eat his pen? Well look at them and the rest of the Nerds, still sitting
(WE TURN WITH THEM AND)
(THE NERD TABLE. THE EX-NERDS HAVE BECOME VERY SUCCESSFUL. FANCY SUITS AND FANCIER WIVES.
LUSCIOUS, BUNNY TYPES. THE NERDS FONDLE THEIR WIVES AND WAVE TRIUMPHANTLY)
MILTON You should have done your own homework, guys!
(THE JOCK TABLE)
AL Oh, eat your pen, Milton. So, what do you guys do?
(JIMBO'S WIFE GIVES HIM A LOOK)
JIMBO Garbage man.
(RICK'S WIFE GIVES HIM A LOOK)
RICK Garbage man.
(SPEEDY'S WIFE GIVES HIM A LOOK)
SPEEDY Garbage man. What about you, Al?
AL Garbage man. But at least we all married well, huh?
(THE GUYS LOOK AT THEIR WIVES AND HOLD THEIR HEADS SADLY)
SPEEDY (SIGHS) Oh, well. Hey, Peggy. Did you hear that Connie Bender's gonna be Reunion Queen?
PEGGY Hey, Speedy. Did you hear they invented breath spray? Look, Al. I'm going to try and
get some more votes for Queen. You guys just sit here and reminisce about when you were
human. And don't do anything stupid.
ELI Don't worry, beautiful. I'll keep an eye on him.
(PEGGY WALKS OFF. A BEAT THEN)
ELI (CRAFTILY) Hey, Al. I just happen to have a nail here. (TO GUYS) Ten bucks says Bundy
can drive it into the table with his head.
(THE GUYS WALLA EXCITEDLY)
AL Guys, I don't do that stuff anymore. I'm an adult.
ELI Twenty bucks.
AL Place your bets.
(HE TAKES HIS JACKET OFF)
INT. BUNDY LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN - THAT SAME NIGHT
(KELLY IS IN THE KITCHEN, MAKING SOUP. BUD HANGS UP THE PHONE. KELLY PULLS A BOOT OUT OF THE
KELLY The boot soup is almost ready.
BUD Let it simmer. I've got a plan. You know what they have at reunions, don't you?
KELLY A lot of old drunks to roll?
BUD Food, Bimbostein. We're gonna crash the party and get some for ourselves.
KELLY They'll never let us in. We're under eighty.
BUD I'll take care of that. We just need some information and I know just the two all-day
suckers who can give it to us.
(BUD OPENS THE DOOR TO STEVE AND MARCY)
BUD Mr. and Mrs. Rhoades. Good of you to come.
STEVE You said you needed some help with your homework?
BUD Yes. Do either of you know anything about ancient history?
MARCY Why, yes we do.
BUD Then tell us about the Nineteen Sixties.
STEVE Well, stife was rampant because of the Civil War, but then came electricity, and
before you knew it, Marcy and I went home. Come on, Marcy.
MARCY Steve, their little minds are reaching out for knowledge. (TO KIDS) Of course we
remember the Sixties. Oh, what a time it was. Incense and peppermints. Young Republican
STEVE Yeah. We cared about things in those days, kids. I remember protesting the dress code
in our school. I still remember the Principal's face when we all took the pennies out
of our loafers, and wore our shirts out of our pants. And if that wasn't enough, one
day I even put a little dimple in my tie.
MARCY (FONDLY, TO KIDS) He's a rebel and he'll never be any good.
(THEY HOLD HANDS)
BUD (TO KELLY) We may be asking the wrong people. We're gonna have to go to the library.
KELLY (SIGHS) Well, there goes another thing I said I'd never do.
INT. HOTEL BANQUET - LATER
(PEGGY IS WANDERING AROUND THE ROOM. SHE CROSSES TO A TABLE OF WOMEN)
PEGGY Thelma! Thelma McKecknie! Remember me? Peggy Wanker. Candidate for Reunion Queen. How
have you been?
THELMA I've been fine. I've pretty much recovered from your stealing Teddy, my High School
sweetheart and the only man I've ever loved. Of course you dumped him a week later.
(PEGGY LOOKS AT THE OTHER WOMEN)
MELINDA You stole my boyfriend.
GEENA You stole my boyfriend.
LINDA You stole my father.
PEGGY Aha. Well just to let you know, I'm running for Reunion Queen and I'd appreciate your
(THEY STARE AT HER)
PEGGY I guess this is a Connie table, huh?
(SHE CROSSES BACK TO AL'S TABLE. AL HAS A LITTLE BANDAID IN THE MIDDLE OF HIS FOREHEAD)
PEGGY It's no use, Al. I worked the room for an hour and I lost three votes. Connie's gonna
be Reunion Queen. By the way, how'd you hurt your forehead?
(AL AND THE GUYS LOOK GUILTY)
(THE ROOM'S ENTRANCE. BUD AND KELLY ENTER. THEY ARE DRESSED VERY 1960'S. KELLY HAS A FLOWER
DECAL ON HER CHEEK. BUD CARRIES A BOOK)
KELLY This is never going to work, Bud.
BUD Not Bud. Moonbeam! Tonight my name is Moonbeam and your name is Piece. P-I-E-C-E. It's
important. Now, act cool.
(THEY WALK IN, MAKING THE PEACE SYMBOL TO EVERYONE)
KEL/BUD Groovy! Groovy! Groovy!
KELLY Bud, didn't they say anything besides "Groovy" back in the Sixties?
BUD Well, girls like you still said, "Come and get it." But let me check my Sixties
(THEY STUDY THEIR "1960 VOCABULARY BOOK." BUD SPOTS A BLACK MAN)
BUD Hey, Bro. Power to the people. Free Huey.
KELLY And Duey and Looie, too.
BUD Y'know, sometimes I can actually hear your brain come to a halt.
(THEY HEAD FOR THE BANQUET TABLE, PEACE-SYMBOLING AS THEY GO)
KELLY The answer my friend, is blowin' in the wind. Turn on, tune in, kill whitey.
(THEY REACH THE TABLE. PULL UP CHAIRS, AND GOBBLE)
BUD Shut up and eat.
KELLY It's your thing.
(THE JOCK TABLE. VICKY SITS BY AL)
VICKY Al, tell us again about your winning touchdown for the City Championship.
AL Well, I'm not sure I remember much. Let's see, it was, uh, November seventeenth, four
forty P.M. The wind was coming out of the Southeast, at twelve miles an hour gusting
PEGGY Al, let's go home.
AL Peg, home is where the horror is. Now, I'm talking to Hooter...
AL Yeah, Vicky, here. So why don't you go run for something. Y'know, Queen, a man, a bus.
(TO VICKY) Anyhow, with grim determination, I store onto the field...
(PEGGY GETS UP AND WANDERS OVER TOWARDS THE BANDSTAND. CONNIE SEES HER)
CONNIE Oh, Peggy. I see you're a little down. Let me make you feel better. I'll only be Queen
for one night. But you, why you've got your whole life to be nothing. Feel better?
'Cause I know I do.
(SHE LAUGHS AND MOVES OFF. PEGGY STARES SADLY AT THE QUEEN CROWN ON DISPLAY BY THE BANDSTAND.
THE BAND STRIKES UP WITH "WHAT BECOMES OF THE BROKEN HEARTED")
END OF ACT ONE
INT. HOTEL BANQUET - A SHORT TIME LATER
(PEGGY IS SITTING WITH AL AT THE JOCK TABLE. AL IS MOBBED BY REUNIONITES, INCLUDING THE NERDS
AND THEIR SQUEEZES. AL IS HOLDING COURT. PEGGY IS HOLDING HER HEAD)
SABLE You really gave up a chance to play for the Bears for your wife, Mr. Bundy?
AL Well, y'know, the human body can only endure so much, so I had to decide. Do I risk
life and limb for money or do I do it for love?
(THEY REACT IMPRESSED)
VELOUR (TO PEGGY) You're a very lucky woman.
PEGGY Are you allowed to vote for Queen?
PEGGY Then shut up.
MUSIC CUE: BAND PLAYS A QUICK FANFARE
(THE BAND. TIM POTTER IS AT THE MICROPHONE STANDING NEXT TO THE "REUNION QUEEN" BALLOT BOX)
TIM P Hi, everybody. Yeah, it's me, Tim Potter! You'll remember me as President of the
Senior Class and now of Tim's Mortuary!
(HE WAITS FOR A RESPONSE. THERE IS NONE)
TIM P Yeah! Well, I hope you saw my cards at the door, and took one. Because you know, it's
just never too soon to think of dying. Remember, if you're dead, come to Tim's!
Anyhow, I know you're all anxiously awaiting the vote for Reunion Queen! Well, there's
just twenty minutes left for you to put you ballot in the old box, here. And for the
lucky gal who's elected Queen, we'll bury you half price. Of course we won't bury you
(HE CHUCKLES AND EXITS)
(PEGGY AND AL)
AL I'll tell you, Peg. I'm having the time of my life. Married to you, I forgot how
great I was. Why did I leave High School?
PEGGY You were thirty, Al.
(THE BANQUET TABLE. BUD AND KELLY HAVE PULLED CHAIRS UP TO IT. THEY EAT WITH GUSTO)
SILKY Long time between feedings, huh?
(BUD PICKS HIS HEAD UP. A COLD CUT IS STUCK TO HIS CHIN)
BUD Long time between lovin's, too, sweet thang.
(SILKY REACTS AND EXITS)
KELLY Oh, give it up. You'd be eating alone in a women's prison.
(THEY CONTINUE FEASTING. MILTON COMES OVER AND LOOKS AT THEM. HE THINKS HE RECOGNIZES THEM)
MILTON Andy? Lola? God, you two haven't changed a bit. (BEAT) It's Milton. Remember? (PROUD)
I eat my pen.
KELLY Get lost, geek.
MILTON (HAPPILY) You haven't changed a bit.
INT. HOTEL BANQUET - A LITTLE LATER
(THE CROWD APPLAUDS. TIM POTTER BOUNDS ON STAGE)
TIM P Yes, that was The Why, Polk High's answer to The Beatles, with their ever-stirring
rendition of "I'm Black and I'm Proud". Now don't forget folks. Get those votes in
for Reunion Queen. We tally them in five minutes.
PEGGY Well I'm going to be an adult about this. Connie is gonna be Queen, and I might as
well be happy for the old scuzbag.
(CONNIE CROSSES BEHIND PEGGY. PEGGY SNIFFS THE AIR)
PEGGY What is that smell? They let cattle in here? ... Oh, hello Connie.
(CONNIE AND PEGGY DO THEIR FAKE SMILES AND LAUGHTER)
CONNIE Piggy. I see you have a good seat for my coronation. We will need a red carpet though.
Can we use your hair? Everything but the roots I mean.
PEGGY Well, if you need a rug, just shave your back, hon.
JACK Hey Al. I've done a lot of thinking about this rivalry we have, and I think the whole
thing is silly. Truth is, I can't think of a damn thing you can do better than me.
AL Why don't you ask your wife about that, Jack?
JACK All right, Bundy. Bottom line. You know that fight we were supposed to have after
graduation? I'm starting to believe you didn't really hurt yourself jumping over that
Mustang. I think you just punked out.
AL (BEAT, THEN SOFTLY) Good night, Jack.
(AL ROLLS UP HIS SLEEVES. AL STARTS TO STAND. PEGGY STARES AT HIM)
PEGGY Oh, sit down, Mongo. You promised when I let you come, there'd be no fighting.
(AL SIGHS AND SITS. JACK LAUGHS, LEAVES)
AL I'm sorry Peg. I got carried away. I thought I was a man there for a minute.
TIM P (O.S.) Kids. Get those last votes in! We count the ballots and crown the Queen in one
(PEGGY SIGHS. JACK AND SOME PALS STAND NEARBY, MAKING CHICKEN-CLUCKING NOISES AT AL. AL
PEGGY (BEAT) You know Al, there's no way I'm going to come out a winner tonight. But at
least you can. You want him? Go get him.
(AL STANDS UP. SLOWLY PEELS OFF HIS JACKET. HANGS IT CAREFULLY ON HIS CHAIR. ROLLS UP HIS
SLEEVES. STARTS TO WALK)
TIGHT FOLLOW SHOT:
(AL'S SHOES, WALKING. THE ONLY SOUND WE HEAR IS HIS FOOTSTEPS)
(AL REACHING JACK'S GROUP. JACK'S BACK IS TURNED TO AL. AL TAPS HIM SLOWLY ON THE SHOULDER.
AL (SOFT) Let's rock.
ELI Fight! Fight! Twenty bucks on Bundy!
(SUDDENLY THE ROOM IS CHAOS. PEOPLE BETTING. HALF FOR AL, HALF FOR JACK. AL AND JACK EXIT.
THE ROOM EMPTIES OUT AFTER THEM, EXCEPT FOR PEGGY, KELLY AND BUD)
PEGGY (CALLING) Good luck, Al! You know I'll be right behind you!
(SHE RUNS TO THE "REUNION QUEEN BALLOT BOX" AND TRIES TO PULL IT OPEN, BUT IT WON'T BUDGE. SHE
LOOKS FOR A TOOL AND CHECKS OUT THE BANQUET TABLE. LEANING ON CHAIRS, ARE BUD AND KELLY. KELLY
LEANS BACK, HER MOUTH HOLDING THE REMAINS OF A COLD CUT. BUD IS ASLEEP FACE DOWN IN A BIG PIE)
PEGGY Kelly! Bud!?
(THEY WAKE UP. BUD PULLS HIS HEAD UP)
BUD Wow. The colors. The colors.
KELLY You're just having cherry pie flashbacks. Ride it out.
PEGGY I'm ashamed of you. Sneaking in here like that. Is that how I brought you up? By the
way, Bud honey, can you pick a lock?
(PEGGY IS FIDDLING WITH THE PADLOCK ON THE BALLOT BOX)
BUD (PROUDLY) Yup.
KELLY And a nose.
PEGGY Let's go.
(BUD SHOOTS KELLY A LOOK, AND HEADS FOR THE LOCK)
SFX: A MAN'S "OOF!" AND A CROWN ROAR
KELLY What's Daddy doing?
PEGGY Playing with his friends. Hurry up, hurry up.
BUD (OFF THE LOCK) A pathetic little lock, wouldn't you say, Kell?
KELLY A Jacobson, three sixty, single barrel, two tumblers. Why didn't they just lock it
with a piece of gum?
(KELLY AND BUD LAUGH)
BUD (LIKE A SURGEON GIVING COMMANDS) Tweezers.
(KELLY SLAPS TWEEZERS ONTO HIS PALM)
PEGGY Have you guys done this before?
(KELLY SLAPS A TUBE ONTO BUD'S PALM)
PEGGY Well, I'm going to go see how your father's doing.
(PEGGY CROSSES TO THE WINDOW. LOOKS DOWN)
PEGGY You can do it honey!
SFX: FIGHT NOISE
(PEGGY STUDIES THE ACTION)
PEGGY This isn't sex, Al. Take your time.
SFX: ANOTHER ROAR
PEGGY Look out, Al!
PEGGY Not up, out!
(PEGGY HEADS BACK TO HTE KIDS)
PEGGY ... he's so stupid. How's it going, kids?
BUD (SIGHS) It's voila, Kell.
KELLY (HAUGHTILY) It was viola in the sixties.
PEGGY Quiet you two. Mommy's got an election to fix.
(PEGGY GRABS A BUNCH OF BALLOTS)
PEGGY Hmm. Let's see. (SURPRISED) My friend Vicki voted for Connie? Well, must be a
(SHE RIPS IT UP)
PEGGY Okay, Connie was gonna win by four. So we'll just "lose" these five. Ah, what the
hell, a nice landslide will send her spinning into therapy.
(SHE STARTS PUTTING HER BALLOTS BACK IN THE BOX)
PEGGY (READS) Peggy.
(PUTS IT IN BOX)
(SHE CRUMPLES IT AND CHUCKS IT. SHE CONTINUES TO SEPARATE THEM)
INT. HOTEL BANQUET ROOM - A LITTLE LATER
(BUD AND KELLY ARE AT THE DOOR)
BUD Hurry up, Mom. They're coming back.
(PEGGY LOCKS THE BALLOT BOX.)
(PEOPLE START FILING BACK IN)
PEGGY Who won! Who won?
(JACK ENTERS, SWAGGERING. STOPS IN THE CENTER OF THE ROOM, AND LOOKS AROUND WITH A COCKY SMILE.
WE SEE PEGGY DISAPPOINTED. WE SEE JACK SMILING. THEN HE SINKS TO HIS KNEES AND KEELS OVER. A
BEAT. AL ENTERS, FOLLOWED BY MOST OF THE CROWD, INCLUDING ELI)
ELI (COLLECTING A LOT OF BET MONEY) I knew you could do it, Al! Buddy, you just bought me
a car! (HANDS AL ONE DOLLAR) Here, buy yourself a tooth.
(PEGGY RUSHES TO AL AND HUGS HIM)
PEGGY Oh, Al. I knew you'd win. Are you okay, honey?
AL Well, actually, Peg...
PEGGY Shh. They're announcing the Queen.
TIM P All right! That was some fight, huh? And speaking of fights, it's time to pick a Queen.
AL I think I need a doctor, Peg.
PEGGY Shh. It's always you, you, you. God, I wish you'd have stayed home.
TIM P Let's have our four Queen finalists up here please?
(PEGGY RUSHES OFF)
(THE BANDSTAND. A COUPLE OF WOMEN ARE FINISHING COUNTING VOTES. PEGGY JOINS CONNIE, LARRY
FLEISHMAN, AND LOUISE, THE OTHER FINALIST. FINALISTS WALLA "I HOPE YOU GET IT" AND GIGGLE)
CONNIE (LAUGHS SMUGLY) Gee, I wonder who it'll be? Good luck, Peggy.
PEGGY Good luck, Connie.
(THEY BOTH TURN AWAY AND GIGGLE)
TIM P (READS THE NOTE HANDED HIM) And our Polk High Reunion Queen is... Larry Fleishman.
(LARRY JUMPS UP AND DOWN EXCITEDLY)
TIM P Throw out an anchor, Fleishman. I'm just kidding.
TIM P Okay, really. Our winner is, by a landslide, every boy's fantasy, every Mother's
(CONNIE STEPS FORWARD PROUDLY)
TIM P Peggy Wanker Bundy.
PEGGY Me! Me! I don't know what to say. (TO CONNIE) Get out of my way, she-dog.
(TIM PUTS THE CROWN ON HER HEAD)
TIM P And now the Queen will dance the Spotlight Dance with her King!
MUSIC CUE: "THIS GUY'S IN LOVE WITH YOU"
("THE WHY" START THEIR BAD VERSION ON "THIS GUY'S IN LOVE WITH YOU.)
LIGHTING CUE: SPOTLIGHT
(SPOTLIGHT COMES UP. AL AND PEGGY, WEARING HER CROWN, MEET ON THE DANCE FLOOR IN THE SPOTLIGHT.
THEY START TO DANCE)
PEGGY Oh, Al, this is the best night of my life.
AL Great, Peg. Y'know, I'm really hurt bad.
PEGGY This is a beautiful moment, Al. Don't ruin it with your whining. (BEAT) Y'know, I'm
really a lucky girl. Because of all the guys here, I got the best one. (BEAT) Aren't
you gonna say the same thing to me, Al?
AL Was the Go Go Dancer in our class?
PEGGY No, Al.
AL Then I got the prettiest girl in the school.
PEGGY Oh, Al. (THEN) Y'know what would top off this perfect night?
AL Oh, no.
PEGGY Oh, come on, Al. You can't tell me you don't want it. (SEXILY) What's that in your
AL My rib.
END OF ACT TWO
Scribed by Nitzan Gilkis
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