FINAL DRAFT SCRIPT: (December 8th, 1986)

0101 (001)


TAPE: 12/12/86

Regular cast:

Ed O'Neill..............Al Bundy
Katey Sagal.............Peggy Bundy
David Garrison..........Steve Rhoades
Amanda Bearse...........Marcy Rhoades
Tina Caspary............Kelly Bundy
Hunter Carson...........Bud Bundy
Michael the dog.........Buck Bundy, the Dog

Guest cast:

Ritch Shydner...........Luke Ventura
Diana Bellamy...........Nancy
Victor Di Mattia........Arnold
Sue Ann Gilfillan.......Lisa
Linda Dona..............Tawny
Holly Fields............Mindy 
                  ......TV Announcer



Int. Bundy living room/kitchen - Morning
It is a modestly decorated, workin' man's home, probably in a workin' man's section of Chicago.
We see the living room and kitchen area. In the kitchen is the workin's man's wife. She is not 
working. Her name is Peggy Bundy. She sits, sipping coffee, and doing a crossword puzzle. Buck, 
the dog, lies at her feet. A pretty sixteen-year-old girl, Kelly Bundy, is at the sink. She holds 
a plate with an English muffin on it. In her other hand are her school books. She crosses to the 
living room, sets plate on coffee table and sits on couch. She does her homework. Al Bundy comes 
down the stairs. He carries a little potted cactus. He has a bandaid on his palm. He crosses to 

AL      Hey, hon. Is this your little cactus?

PEGGY   Uh huh.

AL      Any particular reason you put it where the alarm clock used to be?

PEGGY   [sweetly] I thought it would dress up the room. Gee, I meant to tell you to be careful
        before you slammed your hand down on the alarm this morning.

AL      [laughs falsely] Wellll, you didn't.

PEGGY   I'm sorry.

AL      [sarcastically] Then it's okay. 

He crosses to the couch and sits.

AL      Hi, Kelly.

KELLY   Hi, Daddy. [she notices his bandaid] What hapened?

AL      [off hand] You mother tried to kill me. What're you doing?

KELLY   My homework.

AL      Kell, I thought we talked about this before. If you wait until the last minute to do
        things, you always wind up rushing and you never do your best. And I want you to do your

KELLY   [not looking up] I will, Daddy. But right now I'm doing my homework, okay?

AL      Good girl. 

Al picks up Kelly's plate.

AL      Hey, that looks good. Peg. Make me an English muffin?

PEGGY   Al, you know you're supposed to watch your weight. Now, are you sure you want one?

AL      Yes!

PEGGY   We have no more. Kelly got the last one.

AL      Kell?

KELLY   I'm gonna eat it, Daddy.

She takes the plate.

AL      Good girl.

He sighs and crosses to the kitchen.

AL      Where's Bud?

PEGGY   Who?

AL      Your son?

PEGGY   Oh. He's getting dressed for school. By the way, he's got Show and Tell today at school.
        The subject is 'What Does Daddy do?' So when you come home tonight, if there's a can of 
        beer missing, and you can't find the remote control, that's where they are.

Al reacts. He opens a refrigerator and looks inside, as we see a ten-year-old boy, Bud Bundy,
come stealthily down the stairs. He wears camouflage clothes and has a rubber knife in his mouth. 
He hides behind a plant, pushing it to the back of the couch. We don't see him for a second. A
beat, then we see his hand reach up, grab his sister's hair and pull her head back. He "slits"
her throat with his rubber knife.

KELLY   Let go of my hair, you little psychopath.

PEGGY   Bud. Stop it! Al? 

AL      Bud. Stop it.

BUD     [to Kelly] They won't always be here.

Kelly reaches for him over the couch.

BUD     Mom!

Bud runs into the kitchen.

PEGGY   Kelly... Al?

AL      Kelly.

KELLY   [to Al and Peggy] You're not going to have any more kids, are you?

AL      No.

Kelly goes back to her homework. Bud goes to counter where his lunchbox is.

AL      [crossing to Bud] Bud, I thought we talked about this before.

BUD     What's that, Dad?

AL      You know, sneaking up behind your sister, pulling her hair, pretending to kill her. 
        Y'know. Remember the effect it had on Grandma? [Bud nods] Nobody likes it, nobody thinks
        it's funny, so cut it out, okay?

BUD     Sure, Dad.

Takes his thermos and goes to the refrigerator.

PEGGY   [crossing to Al] Al, he always promises and then the next day, he's back, stalking her
        again. [she goes to Bud] Bud, I'm telling you for the last time...

AL      [crossing to Peg] Peg, honey. I'm handling this. I'm not through talking to him.

Peg sits at the table. Bud takes a can of beer and goes back to counter with Al following.

AL      [sotto, shaking his finger at Bud] Bud, the Lakers are in town to play the Bulls. The
        Lakers are minus four tonight. Who do you like?

Al looks back at Peg.

BUD     Well, Kareem's old, he couldn't rebound when he was young. Worthy's looking for two
        the other way, so he takes himself off the boards. Game's won under the basket, Dad.

He goes to the living room.

AL      [appreciative] Thanks, son.

PEGGY   Does he understand, Al?

AL      I think he's got it, hon! [then, to Bud in a regular tone, shaking his finger again] And
        another thing. I don't want you going to school dressed like that.

BUD     All the kids look liike this.

AL      I don't care what all the kids look like. Now go upstairs and change.

BUD     Okay, Dad.

SFX: horn from school bus

BUD     [cont'd] Bye, Mom. Bye, Dad.

AL      Bye.

PEGGY   Bye, honey.

Bud heads out the door. Kelly gets up, crossing to the door, she ad-libs "goodbyes" to her
parents. She gets to door, ducks out, as we see Bud's hand reach out with the knife, ready to get
her once again. They're gone.

AL      Y'know, the Lakers are on TV tonight.

PEGGY   [sarcastically] You're kidding.

AL      Well, it's not as exciting as your "Cookin' with Clyde the Cajun," show. But at least it
        gives me a reason to come home.

PEGGY   That's sweet, honey. [beat] Al, do you have to leave the refrigerator door open? I'm
        getting a draft.

AL      Oh, sorry. Maybe I'll just look for some food in the dishwasher. [beat] We have no juice.

PEGGY   Oh. I didn't buy any. I didn't have time.

AL      Oh. Well, that happens. I understand. [he sits] You don't have a job or anything, do you?

PEGGY   Well, I do sandpaper the stains out of your shirts, and battle your socks and underwear
        into the washing machine. But I guess that is more of an adventure than a job.

AL      What's that got to do with juice?

PEGGY   Al, you know there's a store on your way home from work.

AL      Why didn't I think of that. Sure, I don't mind doing the shopping too. Anything else I
        can do to make your life a little easier?

PEGGY   [thoughtfully] You could shave your back.

AL      Hey, that hair is there for a reason. It keeps you off me at night.

PEGGY   C'mon, Al. Let's not start. We were having such a nice morning.

AL      Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry. It's just that I got a hard day of work ahead of me and I
        got nothing to eat to get me going.

PEGGY   I know, it's my fault. [crossing to living room] But tonight I promise I'll make sure
        there's food in the house.

AL      [as he starts to cross to living room] And juice.

PEGGY   Right. [she notices the untouched English muffin on the coffee table. She picks it up]
        Oh. Those kids. 

She heads for the kitchen. Al smiles, thinking the muffin's for him, but Peg gives it to Buck.

PEGGY   I hate wasting food. Have a nice day, honey.

Al looks at Buck under the table.

AL      [mumbling] There better be juice when I get home.



INT. Gary's Shoes & Accessories For Today's Woman - Day
One of today's women, Nancy, is trying on some shoes. She is middle-aged and heavy-set. There are
mounds of open shoe boxes and a harried Al in front of her. Her son, Arnold, about six-years-old, 
runs through the store stepping in some shoe boxes. He goes over to the other side of his mother 
and sits on the floor. Tawny, a pretty girl, stands at a shoe display nearby. A couple of women 
customers are waiting. Al is measuring Nancy's foot.

NANCY   I don't care what your little ruler says. I've been a seven since I graduated from high

AL      Well, these are sevens. The box says nine, because well, uh... look lady. You're a nine.
        I can accept it. Why can't you?

NANCY   You're very fresh.

AL      That's impossible, Ma'am. Beause for the last hour, I've been trying to squeeze your
        foot into a shoe when really I should have been easing them into the box. So, no, I'd say 
        I'm anything but fresh. [Arnold starts hammering an expensive shoe on the floor. 
        Indicated Arnold] By the way. You want to tell John Henry over there to give the hundred
        dollar pumps a rest? [grabs the shoes from Arnold]

NANCY   Your ad says courteous service.

AL      That's not my ad, Ma'am. That was the former owner's. He was killed tragically on this
        very spot when a size nine exploded in his face.

NANCY   [to Arnold] Come on, Arnold. we're leaving.

ARNOLD  [to Al, yelling] I want a balloon.

AL      [looks at Nancy] You've already got one. [as Nancy and Arnold exit] Who's next?

A frumpy woman, Lisa, raises her hand.

LISA    Yoo-hoo!

Al points to a chair. She goes and sits. Then Luke Ventura, a good-looking man in his mid-
thirties, enters. he crosses to Al.

LUKE    Hey, Al. Woo, am I beat.

AL      Luke, you just came back from lunch.

LUKE    Well, yeah, but it took me three hours.

AL      You know I don't like being in the store by myself. Just too many feet.

LUKE    See, Al. There's your problem right there. If only you had gone to bed with that cute
        little blonde that was in this morning instead of me, you might feel a little better.
        Man, I'm hungry.

AL      You were makin' it with some broad for three hours while I was knee deep in feet?

LUKE    Al, she was beggin' for it. They're all beggin' for it.

LISA    Can someone help me?

LUKE    See? Even she's beggin' for it. [beat] She's just gonna wait longer.   

AL      How can you be happy sleeping with every woman you meet? I tell you, as your friend, I
        can't wait till you get married. Yeah. A wife and kids who adore you. A wife. Kids. The
        list goes on and on. It's just seeing their faces light up in the morning when they see
        you. They can't do enough for you. I'm tellin' you, it's Heaven on Earth.

LUKE    [indicates Al's band-aid] What happened to your hand? 

AL      Love bite. I'll tell you, I got more than I can handle. Woooh.

Al reacts to the sight of tawny, who goes to another shoe display.

AL      I'll take that one.

LUKE    Al. I can't let you. It's not fair to her. You'd just ger her all wired with desire, and
        then you'd drop the bombshell, "I'm a happily married man." Women aren't that strong, Al.
        Me, I'm just gonna degrade her and tos her in the street. They can take that. 

He pats Al on the back, and crosses to Tawny and escorts her to a nearby chair. 
Al sighs, and goes to Lisa.

LISA    Excuse me. What do you have in red?

AL      A vein on the back of my neck, Ma'am.

LISA    [coldly] I'd like to see some shoes, please.

AL      Let me guess. [looks at her feet] Size four.

WOMAN   Yes. How did you know?

Al tries to force a smile.

AL      All women are fours.

He walks over to Luke and Tawny.

LUKE    [to Tawny] I'm sure you've been told this before, but you have the feet of a movie star.

TAWNY   Really?

LUKE    Hey Al. Meet Tawny. Al's married.

Luke and Tawny laugh. Al goes to the storeroom area, starts looking at boxes. Luke follows.
During the following, Tawny looks at her feet as if seeing them for the first time.

LUKE    Listen, Al. I forgot to tell you. I got an extra ticket for the Bulls-Lakers game
        tonight. Court level. Wanna go?

AL      Hell, yeah.

LUKE    You sure your wife'll let you go?

AL      I'd like to see her try and stop me. [they laugh] I really appreciate this Luke.

LUKE    Hey, we're buddies. [beat] Listen. Me and Tawny are going out for a quick lunch. I'll be
        back in a few hours. [Al reacts as Luke starts out] Aw, hell. I'll meet you at the game.

Luke hands Al the ticket, grabs Tawny and they exit. Al goes back into showroom, carrying a bunch
of boxes.

LISA    [a bit impatiently] Remember me?

AL      [feels the back of his neck] Oh yeah.

He brings the boxes over. A beat, then Mindy and five high school girls enter.

MINDY   [to friends] Let's drive this guy crazy until the bus comes.

They converge on Al.




INT. Bundy living room/kitchen - Evening
Peggy is lying on the couch, her feet up, smoking a cigarette, and eating candy.
Note: There are several empty candy wrappers on the table. The TV is on. 
We hear a daytime woman talk show host.

HOST    [o.s.] [huffily] "And I say, ladies, it's none of their business what you do all day.
        Now, here's a heplful hint called in by one of our viewers in Chicago. Put the vacuum out
        before your husband comes home..."

We hear a car pulling up.

HOST    [o.s. cont'd] "...and when you hear him..."

Peggy clicks off the set.
She puts out a cigarette and pushes the candy box under the sofa, and turns on the vacuum
cleaner. Peggy vacuums the cigarette out of the ash tray and the candy wrappers off the table. 
A beat, then Al enters, carrying his coat over his shoulder, he throws it on the table.

PEGGY   Hi, honey.

AL      Hi. Workin' hard?

Crosses to the TV.

PEGGY   Well, yes. But you know I like to keep the house clean. [she turns off the vacuum] Hard

AL      Yeah. You?

PEGGY   Yeah.

She sits on the couch, as Al puts his hand on the top of TV set. It's warm. He nods.

AL      Must've been. Even the TV's sweating. [then, testing her] Get me some juice, okay? 

PEGGY   Oh, that's what I forgot to do.

Al steams for a second, then calms down.

AL      Ah, it's okay. Juice isn't important. Listen, honey. [pats TV again] I know you've been
        busy around the house all day, so you don't have to worry about making me dinner tonight.
        I got a little surprise for you. I'm going to the ballgame tonight.

He gives her a little peck on the cheek and starts for door.

PEGGY   Uh, Al...

AL      Hmmm?

PEGGY   You're not going to the game tonight. 

AL      Sure I am. See, let me explain something to you. I work all day. And when someone works
        all day, they need to have some fun at night. I don't really expect you to understand any
        of this, but trust me, I'm your husband and I know best.

He gives her a quick peck on the cheek and starts for door again.

PEGGY   Isn't staying home with me fun?

A beat, then he turns back and gives her another quick peck on the cheek.

AL      Don't wait up.

He turns to go.

PEGGY   [stopping him] Al. [she gives him a kiss on the cheek] You're not going to the game.

AL      Oh, I see. You misunderstood me. You must have thought I said, "Honey, is it okay with
        you if I go to the game." Y'know, like a question. There is no question about this.

PEGGY   No, there isn't. You can't go to the game.

AL      Why not?

PEGGY   'Cause I invited company over.

AL      Company? Who the hell would want to come over here?

PEGGY   You know that honeymoon couple that moved next door?

AL      No.

PEGGY   Well, I invited them over. I thought I told you.

AL      You didn't. [Peggy reacts] Look. I worked hard all day. The last thing I want is to spend
        the whole evening with people I don't know. [he gives her a quick kiss] Well, second to

He starts to go.

PEGGY   [stopping him] Look. They're new in the neighborhood. They've lived here for two months
        and they have no friends. We've lived here fifteen years, and we have no friends. Al, I
        want to have some friends. 

AL      Wait a second. You're implying it's my fault you have no friends?

PEGGY   [sarcastic] Oh, no. It's me who sits in front of the TV, burping, with my hand thrust
        down my pants.

AL      You keep it cold in this house, Peg.

PEGGY   Al, every night, when the kids go out, it's just you and me. Can't you see how boring
        that is for me, honey? [Al reacts] All I'm asking is for us to have some people over for
        one night. And for you to be nice.

AL      I'm gonna be real nice. How's this for nice? I'm not even gonna be here. I'm going to the

He starts for the door again.

PEGGY   All right, then, Al. Before you go, I would just like to say three things. [Al stops, as
        Peg sits on couch] The bank book is in both our names. The credit cards are in both our
        names. And the stores are still open.

Al turns back. Peg gives him a look. Al sighs, crosses, and sits down on couch.

AL      [beat, angry] Why didn't you get me juice?






INT. Bundy living room/kitchen - a short time later
Al and Peggy are sitting on the couch. Al is unhappy. Peg is kicking her leg, looking at her 
nails. Al stops her leg.

AL      The kids gone?

PEGGY   Yeah, but they'll be back.

AL      Oh. [beat] I can't believe you invited these people over tonight. I hate company. 

PEGGY   Would you for once think about me? I'm at home alone all day. You're out there around
        people all the time. I need some fun too.   

AL      Too? [sarcastic] Sure, on the surface, selling women's shoes is fun, but once you cut
        through all the hype, the myths, the glamour, it's really very much like any other
        minimum-wage-paying slow death.

The front door opens and Bud enters. He crosses to chair near Al.

BUD     Hi, Mom. Dad, can I have five dollars?

AL      What for?

BUD     I could lie to you and tell you I needed it for books and things, but I'm not that kind
        of kid. I want it to have a good time.

AL      Y'know, Bud, when I was a kid I had to earn my money. Did you ever once think about
        earning your money?

BUD     Okay Dad. [kneels at edge of couch] You want to know who Kelly was with this afternoon?

AL      Who?

Bud sticks out his hand. Al reaches into his pocket, pulls out a few bills and hands Bud a "five".

BUD     You know the kid they call Angel Eyes? The guy with the sore on his mouth?

Al reacts, then gives Bud another five.

AL      Good work, son. 

BUD     Thanks, Dad.

Bud heads out.

AL      Where are you going? 

BUD     Joey's dad is waiting for me outside. We're going to the basketball game tonight. Mom
        said it was okay. 'Bye.

Bud exits. Al looks at Peggy.

PEGGY   The Lakers are in town. He really wanted to go.

Al fumes. A beat, then Kelly enters through the garage door, crossing to back of couch leaning
between Peggy and Al.

KELLY   Hi, Mom. Dad, can I have 10 dollars?

AL      [casual] Who were you with today?

KELLY   Nobody.

AL      Does "nobody" have a name? You know, Tom, Dick... Angel Eyes with a sore on his mouth?

KELLY   [goes to chair] Oh, Daddy, it's not that kind of sore. That's where he bit his lip when I
        pierced his ear. Bud told you about that, didn't he? Well, you want to know something
        about Bud?

She sticks out her hand for money. Al gives her a "ten".

KELLY   He's an idiot. [Al reacts] Bye.

She starts out.

AL      Whoa. Where are you going tonight?

KELLY   Me and Cobra and going to the drive-in.

AL      Cobra? What happened to Angel Eyes with the pierced ear?

KELLY   He's boring. Cobra doesn't need an earring to prove he's a man. He has a driver's license.

She goes to the closet for her coat.

AL      [beat] Peg?

PEGGY   [to Al] His real name is Stanley. They only call him "Cobra" because he has one painted
        on his van.

AL      And you find this acceptable? 

PEGGY   I've met him and he's a very nice boy.

We hear a horn.

KELLY   That's his horn, Daddy. Isn't it great? I guess that's why I fell in love with him. Bye,
        Mom. Bye, Dad.

PEGGY   Bye, honey. 

Kelly exits.

PEGGY   We must have done something right. We raised two great kids.


AL      I'm sorry, honey. I didn't hear you. I was just thinking of killing myself.

PEGGY   Al, how do you think that makes me feel?

He gives her a look, then rises and goes to TV to get remote control.

AL      Look. It's time for the pre-game show.

PEGGY   [getting up and following him] Oh, no you don't. Every time we have company, you turn on
        this TV and immediately separate yourself. Well, not tonight. You can always watch a
        basketball game.

AL      Oh. [sarcastic] But I couldn't always meet our next door neighbors. [mumbles] Now I see.


PEGGY   That must be Steve and Marcy, from next door.

AL      Steve and Marcy? I'm going to miss a game for people named Steve and Marcy? What's their
        last name? Gorme?
PEGGY   And that's another thing, Al. When they're in here, I don't want you making snide
        comments. That's why we have no friends. 

AL      I thought we had no friends because I put my hands down my pants.


PEGGY   That's them. Oh. Al, listen. Don't drink or eat anything. One of them may have to use the
        bathroom after you.

AL      I'm gonna hate these people.

PEGGY   You're not gonna hate them. They're very nice.

AL      If they were nice, they'd be dead and I'd be at the game.


PEGGY   Get the door.

AL      [mumbles as he starts for door] Get my juice.

He opens the door to Steve and Marcy Rhoades, a couple in their early thirties.

MARCY   Hello, I'm Marcy.

STEVE   I'm Steve.

MARCY   You have a beautiful home.

AL      So do you. Come on in.

They enter.

STEVE   [to Peg] Howdy, neighbour.

Al      Yeah, yeah, yeah, [sottt to Peggy] I hate these people.

PEGGY   Why don't we sit down? [they sit] Gee, I'm kind of embarrassed. We don't have anything to
        serve you.

AL      Yeah. Listen, if you're hungry, there's a store a few blocks away. If you go, get me some
        juice, okay?

Steve and Marcy look at each other uneasily.

PEGGY   Al's only kidding. He's a little mad because I didn't have time to do the shopping.

Peg gives Al a look.

MARCY   You know, Steve and I decided to share the household chores.

AL      Gee, that's great.

PEGGY   You see, Al? Steve helps around the house.

AL      Way to go, Steve. Listen, who do you like to win the NBA championship this year?

STEVE   Well, Al, to tell you the truth, since we got married, I don't watch much sports. Marcy
        doesn't like it and we decided that we'll only do things we both like.

MARCY   I feel sports glorify violence and competition and I don't think it's psychologically
        healthy. When we have a child, we don't want it to grow up with that, "winning is the
        only thing" attitude. A child is better off not being exposed to sports.

AL      Yeah. [under his breath] Gonna neuter him, too?

STEVE   Do you two have any kids?

AL      Two.

MARCY   Where are they?

AL      [off hand] I don't know. So Steve, life seems like it's really shaping up for you.
        [crossing to couch] How long you two crazy kids been married? 

STEVE   Two months, Al.

AL      Wow. Well, Mars, what can I say? [indicates Steve] You've got a heck of a piece of clay
        here to work with.

MARCY   I like him.

She looks at him affectionately. Steve beams.

PEGGY   We've been married fifteen years.

The Rhoades make appreciative sounds.

MARCY   What's your secret?

PEGGY   Well, it's no secret, really. You just have to be considerate. Accept each other for what
        you are. Don't point out the fact that the hair he's losing on his head is now growing
        out of his nose. [beat] And his ears.

The girls and Steve laugh. Al stares hatefully at all of them.
AL      [chuckles] Yeah. And accepting the fact that nowadays it's hard to figure out where her
        chest ends and her stomach begins.

He gives a little laugh, as Peg gives him a jab.

PEGGY   Marcy, I'll get us some coffee.

MARCY   I'll help.

STEVE   Me too.

The girls exit to the kitchen. Steve starts to get up. Al pushes him back down.

AL      Y'know another thing that makes women such a blessing to us? The way, when you're sitting
        there, and they come over and say... [mimics a woman] ..."What are you thinking?" [normal
        voice] And you start thinkin', "If I wanted you to know, I'd be talking'." [snorts a
        little laugh] But you can't actually say that, 'cause they'd kill you. And they're
        allowed, too. It's that whole period, P.M.S. thing. I'm no doctor, but I think P.M.S.
        stands for "Pummels Men's Scrotums." Does your wife buy you juice, Steve?

Angle on Peggy and Marcy in the kitchen. Peggy is pouring spoonsful of instant coffee into a cup.

MARCY   Isn't that an awful lot of coffee you're putting in there?

PEGGY   [off hand, as she continues pouring coffee into cup] Yes. That's for them. Ours will be
        good. See, if they enjoy eating and drinking at home, they never take you out anywhere.
        With men, if you ask them for something, you'll never get it. But if you do some damage
        to their internal organs, you've got a shot. If it doesn't work, what have you lost?
        [gives her a cup] Fill this with tap water, please?

Marcy goes to the sink.

MARCY   Well, I have to be honest. So far, Steve has been the ideal husband.

Peg reaches under the counter, brings up an electric percalator, and pours Marcy and herself a 
good cup of coffee.

PEGGY   Oh, really? I bet the first couple of weeks you were married, you two went to bed at the
        same time.

MARCY   Oh, yes.

PEGGY   Have you noticed, the last month or so, he's been going to bed a little later and later?

MARCY   [amazed] Why, yes. [goes to her] How did you know?

PEGGY   You're letting him slip away, Marcy, you've got a good thing going. [like a teacher,
        emphasizing] Don't start letting him have a good time alone.

MARCY   But we still have a good time together.

PEGGY   [smugly] Then why is he staying up?

Marcy reacts by filling up the cup with tap water.
AL      I'm telling you, your son is going to be a sissy-mary if you let that woman take away
        your sports.

STEVE   [fondly] I used to love sports.

AL      Of course you did, you're a man. But Steve, you can love it again. [hands Steve the
        remote control, then, like a preacher] Start with me, right now, Steve. Turn on that TV.
        I can't do it for you. Turn it on, settle back, relax and watch sports.

Steve's hands shake a little. He glances towards kitchen, then back to TV, ready to turn it on.
Angle on Peggy and Marcy in kitchen as they finish making coffee.

MARCY   You know, lately, he's been getting up earlier than me, too.

PEGGY   That's not good. Do you have P.M.S.?


PEGGY   Get it.

Marcy takes this in. They carry the coffee into the living room, and see Al and Steve watching
the basketball game.

MARCY   Steve! 

STEVE   Hey, ssh. Hey! [indicates TV, as he takes his coffee cup]

MARCY   I thought we agreed no sports.

Peg gives Al his coffee, then goes to chair and sits.

STEVE   [to Al] Nice shot.

He takes a sip of coffee and reacts. Al sips his coffee appreciatively.

MARCY   [sitting] I demand to know what you do late at night after I go to bed. Are you having
        fun alone, Steve?

STEVE   No. I just like to stay up and think.

MARCY   [starts kicking her leg] What are you thinking? 

STEVE   If I wanted you to know... 

He gives Al a look. Al looks on approvingly.

STEVE   Oh. Just things. By the way, hon, I'm going to the game next week with Al.

Al takes another sip.

MARCY   My mother is coming over next week.

STEVE   Yeah? She going to teach you how to bury me, like she buried her three husbands?

Al gives him an impressed look.

MARCY   [aghast] Steve! Are you implying that their suicides had something to do with mother? [he
        stares at her] Oh. Well, if that's your attitude, maybe I should just pack my bags and
        move in with her.

STEVE   Great. Then I could go to bed at a normal hour.

Marcy looks over at Peggy, who gives Marcy an encouraging look.

MARCY   [getting up] All right. Steve Rhoades, let's go. We're going home. It's time to redefine
        our relationship.

STEVE   [he gets up] Fine. I'll be seeing you at the game next week, Al.

MARCY   Peggy, I think we'll be spending a lot of time together.

She grabs Steve as they cross to door.

MARCY   Come on, Steve. We've got to talk.

STEVE   Make it quick. I'm gonna watch boxing.

MARCY   You'll watch nothing!

Marcy and Steve argue out the door.
Peggy gets up, crosses to couch, and sits next to Al.

AL      It's gonna be rough for them.

PEGGY   Yeah, it was rough for us, and we made it. Y'know, Bud, got an A in school today.

AL      No kiddin'

PEGGY   Yeah.

AL      [he sips the coffee] Let's go out Saturday night. Y'know to eat, just you and me.

PEGGY   Sure, if you want to.

AL      Yeah. We haven't been to the Captain's Table in a long time.

PEGGY   Yeah. We always like it there. They have a nice menu.

AL      Yeah. You want to go upstairs?

PEGGY   I thought you wanted to watch the game?

AL      Nah. Who cares?

He turns off the set. They get up and head upstairs. Al has his arm around Peg's shoulders, hers
around his waist.

AL      I like the coffee there too.

PEGGY   Everything is good there.

AL      Yeah.

He pats her behind, as we





Scribed by Marriedaniac


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